


The Origin and the Fulfillment

by evakuality, hjertetssunnegalskap (Crazyheart)



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alpha Isak, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Communication Failure, Consensual Sex, Consent but in heat, Dorks in Love, Falling In Love, Feels, Friendship, Jonas/Isak in the beginning of the fic, M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Oblivious Even, Oblivious Isak, Omega Even, POV Alternating, Pining, Romance, Sexual Tension, Smut, Soul Bond, Unexpected Heat, bonding behaviour, bonding sickness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-08-07 08:22:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 81,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16404779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evakuality/pseuds/evakuality, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyheart/pseuds/hjertetssunnegalskap
Summary: Isak, an alpha, and Even, an omega, meet on the tram on their way to school.  From there, they deal with first heats, pining, miscommunication and lots and lots of tension. They both have issues with their own, and other people’s, assumptions about being alpha and omega.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We are very excited to share our very first collaboration! We don't really know what we're doing with a/b/o dynamics, as this is the first attempt from each of us. Having said that, we decided to jump in feet first and we've played with some things a little bit (because why not, when we're new to it all anyway!). World building should become obvious as the chapters go on, but we're always happy to hear questions and comments as we go. You can ask either here, or on our tumblrs [evakuality](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/evakuality) and [hjertetssunnegalskap1](https://hjertetssunnegalskap1.tumblr.com/).
> 
> We have written most of this fic already and we will be posting chapters regularly, most likely once a week. 
> 
> Many, many thanks to the several people who offered to help us beta read this and to those who cast their eyes over this for us. You have all been amazing and we're so grateful for all the input.
> 
> We do need to say that this involves non-romantic Jonas/Isak smut so if that's not your thing you might want to skip a few things, and particularly the first section.

**Isak: Morning**

Sweat gleams on the body under him, reflecting in the dim light from the lamp on the nearby desk, and Isak gives a guttural moan as he pulls his hips back then slams them forward, pounds his dick into the tight, wet heat of Jonas’s body. The sight isn’t bad at all. Although Jonas is slightly shorter than Isak, his muscles make a nice frame and his dark curls dance as Isak pounds into him. Isak’s panting; they’ve been doing this for several minutes already, and his hands are starting to slip on the slickness of the skin under his fingertips.  But it only encourages him to thrust harder; it’s getting to the good part, the part where they really start pushing against each other, and Isak loves this. He loves being able to push as hard and as fast as he wants, slamming his dick inside as roughly as he can, and to know that his partner will be able to take it.

“Fuck!  Isak, fuuuck,” Jonas groans, pushing back against him, hips rocking in time with the harsh beat of Isak’s thrusts.  His cries are loud and satisfying as Isak keeps pounding.

Isak stayed the night last night, needing to get out of the kollektiv, which is overcrowded now that Noora is back.  Jonas’s parents have already left for work, so now it’s just the two of them alone in the silent apartment. As they do occasionally, they mate, for the release and the excitement of being with another alpha.

“Good, Jonas?” Isak pants, his voice rough and deep, already starting to take on the gravelly tone that comes as he loses himself in the moment.  He finds himself pushing in harder and deeper. In order to counter the slickness of the skin, Isak presses his fingers harder into Jonas’s hips in order to gain better leverage.  He knows it’ll leave bruises, but he also knows Jonas loves it when that happens.

Isak’s thrusts rip a low moan from Jonas’s throat and his voice is rough and raw when he groans, “yeah, good.”

Jonas’s voice does something to Isak, and his movements against Isak make his abdomen curl involuntarily.  So Isak slows, pulls out completely, then slams back in again, thrusting Jonas forward and making his hands scrabble to keep him upright against the wall.  With one more thrust like that, so he’s buried deep inside for a brief moment, Isak finds himself almost stuck, the drag against his dick as he pulls back rougher and more intense, and he sucks in a sharp breath.  That’s never happened before, not even when he’s in another alpha like Jonas whose slick is never as copious as an omega’s or even a beta’s.

It takes another two thrusts, where Isak lets himself slide almost entirely out before he punches back in just as fully, until he realizes what’s happening and pulls out entirely before he’s entirely conscious of it.  Shock freezes his body and makes his hands still at Jonas’s waist. It’s a fucking knot starting.

“What the fuck, Isak?  I was close,” Jonas pants as Isak steps back, his hands dropping to his sides as the terror of that realization washes over him in a burst of icy awareness.

“Sorry,” he says, trying to push the idea away to focus on the present, and pulling Jonas back against him to mouth at his neck, biting down on the salt-slick skin and making Jonas groan again.  “I just … I just want to feel you inside me now.” It’s not totally a lie; Isak looks down over Jonas’s shoulder to his cock, still strained and red and hard and his mouth waters as he looks at it and feels his slick start to form in response to the sight.

Heat prickles at Isak’s neck as Jonas pushes him into the position he wants him in, and that’s new; he doesn’t usually get this sensitized when they fuck. He shivers, feels the air flowing over his skin and making the small hairs rise at Jonas’s touch. He ends up with his hands braced on the small desk next to the lamp, with his legs spread and his ass presenting as if he’s an omega, high and willing. For one short moment, Isak thinks about rebelling, for once unwilling to be in this typically omega position, but then there’s a firm, strong hand on the back of his neck pressing him further down and Isak’s slick starts to make its presence known, hot and wet inside him, and he forgets his hesitations. The feeling of that hand pushing him down sends shockwaves right through Isak and makes his dick twitch in excitement.  Jonas swipes a finger through the slick and brings it to Isak’s mouth. He sucks, sweeping it off with his tongue, tasting the bitterness and then groaning himself when Jonas pushes hard into him with no further warning, pushing him forward and making the lamp shake as it rocks on the desk.

“You ready?” Jonas asks, his voice heavy with lust and the effort it’s taking to control himself for this moment. They always ask, always check, before really getting going, even when it’s hard and their bodies just want to take over.

“Yeah,” Isak breathes, pushing back hard to prove it, and that’s all it takes before Jonas is pulling himself almost right out again and slamming forward.

It’s hard and fast, Jonas’s body slapping hard against Isak’s ass, the sound of the wet slaps echoing as he thrusts deep into Isak.  Jonas’s large cock fills Isak, pressing against his prostate every time and it’s not long before Isak has managed to forget the knot and slams his own hips back against Jonas’s.  That strong hand on the back of Isak’s neck holds him in place, but his alpha nature fights back, shoving his ass so hard against Jonas that it makes his friend cry out and stutter in his own movements.  The hand on his neck loosens, resettles at Isak’s waist and then Jonas is really pounding, his cock shoving Isak forward with every thrust and their cries mingling as white light starts to burn behind Isak’s eyes and his balls tense up ready for release.

_I may not be gay,_ Isak thinks as Jonas shoves in for one final thrust before he stills as his release rips through him, _but I really fucking like this._   Isak feels it deep inside his body, and shudders as Jonas leans forward to bite down on his neck in the final throes of his orgasm.   Isak loves the feel of someone else’s dick inside him, hot and heavy, and the way the bite of another alpha feels. He finally cums at that thought, shooting a satisfying amount of liquid over himself and the desk in front of him.  The knot seems to have completely disappeared now and Isak breathes out a small thankful sigh. Maybe it’s not what he fears it is, maybe he’s not about to face his first heat. Not that ‘heat’ is strictly the right word for it; that’s technically a term for what happens to an omega.  But ‘rut’ has fallen out of common use, and everyone refers to them as heats now. Either way, whatever it’s called, Isak’s not ready. He doesn’t want to lose control, had thought he’d have more time. So he tries to convince himself that the knot is an aberration and that his heat isn’t approaching for real.

It’s not gay nor is it unusual, so Jonas says, for alphas to enjoy fucking each other if they don’t have an omega.  So Isak lets himself enjoy it, strokes himself to squeeze the last drops from his release after Jonas has pulled out, the wet sounds of his hand’s movements loud in the room alongside Jonas’s pants as he regains his own breath.  Isak’s head hangs down and he sighs as the final shot of his own cum drips down the leg of the desk in front of him and his legs turn to jelly.

“Jesus,” Jonas says, finally letting go of Isak and stepping back so he can stand upright.  His fingers brush over the tiny red spots already blooming on his hips. He grins at Isak, a cheerful, happy connection, a shared acknowledgement of the marks.  “That was probably the most intense one yet.”

“Yeah,” Isak agrees, brushing the sweat-matted hair out of his eyes and grinning back, trying to push aside the fear that there might be a reason for that extra intensity.  His chest is still heaving, and he can tell he’s going to be sore for a while.

Jonas casually walks to the bathroom and turns on the shower.  They always shower after, to get rid of the scent of each other from their skin.  Otherwise, they’ve learned by experience, the responses from other people get too intrusive.  It’s still not very common for two alphas to be together, so their combined scents draw omegas like flies.  Omegas are rare, but they do tend to come out of the woodwork if they sense Jonas on Isak or vice versa. Isak’s not ready to bond right now; he hasn’t even had a heat yet, and the attention can get overwhelming.  So Isak had done some research and found a body wash that’s designed to minimize alpha scents. It’s proven to be a godsend over the last few months, working well in combination with Isak’s suppressants.

By now they’re used to this routine.  And once the shower’s on, that’s it. It’s done; there’s no more touching or even acknowledging of what’s happened.  They go back to being best friends, bros, sharing laughs and casual conversations. If Isak wishes sometimes that there could be more to it than this, well, he tends to shove that thought as far from himself as he can.  Because he’s not gay, and this is all just a bit of fun, allowing them both some release today before they have to start school again after the Christmas break. The occasional betraying stirring of affection for Jonas is nothing, just a byproduct of him being Isak’s most common fuck buddy.  

He could have done a lot worse for a fuck buddy. Jonas is smart, idealistic and he’s mostly polite, but his voice has that underlying, rumbly alpha tone that Isak really likes and he can give Isak exactly what he wants without weird vibes getting in the way. Besides, they have known each other for a long time, and their friendship is very tight. Isak remembers the old, boyish feelings he had for Jonas back when Jonas and Eva broke up. That feels like ages ago right now, though, and hid a lot of old pain, so it’s not weird that those feelings might sometimes resurface, though Isak does his best to stop them from making things weird. To have this uncomplicated deal with Jonas feels a lot better, and it’s easy enough to ignore the way Isak used to (might sometimes still) feel. They’re both single, and it helps keep them both on an even keel, with much less of the aggressive alpha shit happening for either of them than for many others.

They eat their breakfast on the go, just sandwiches and fruit because they left it so late to get started, but Jonas has made Isak some coffee and it’s perfect, with just the right amount of sugar and milk. Isak takes his time with the coffee, and finishes his sandwich on his way out the door.

They’re almost at the tram stop when Jonas slaps his head and says, “oh, shit!”  There’s a small hint of worry in Jonas’s voice, making Isak turn to him and raise his brows in a question.  Jonas is always so chill and in control that this is unusual. Set alongside his own new experience this morning, Isak finds himself on edge.  He doesn’t like change, and is particularly unsettled by anything out of the ordinary on this day that’s been giving Isak uncomfortable hints that he might be about to enter his first heat.

“I left all my project stuff at home,” Jonas says, making Isak’s insides pool with relief that it’s nothing.  “You know, the one on capitalism and the alpha and omega system? It’s due in today.”

Isak shrugs, back to his own measured self now that he knows Jonas has just been incompetent.  “Not my problem,” he says with a smug grin. “I have all _my_ things.”

“Fucking asshole,” Jonas mutters.  “I gotta go back and get it.”

The rattle of the approaching tram catches their attention and Isak grins.  “Guess you’ll be missing this one, then,” he says, pointing at it.

Jonas flips him off as he starts running back towards his building, and Isak chuckles as he steps up onto the tram and swipes himself in.  He’s reminded at every step of how they’ve been spending the morning, a soft, slightly painful drag in his ass reminding him of the absence of the cock he’d just been fucked by.  So he almost misses it at first, the scent. It’s enticing, releasing a hint of musk on the air, and makes Isak’s dick start to swell.

He looks around, tries to source it, sniffing the air.  The people around him all look bored and unaffected, staring out the windows and politely ignoring everyone else around them.  But Isak can’t be bothered with politeness right now. He’s still enticed by that scent. It’s sweet in the air and growing stronger.  Isak can feel his brows furrowing as he tries to locate the source. It’s an omega, he knows that much. One who is going into heat.

Isak scans the tram, tries to sight the omega even as his nose insists on trying to shut down all his other senses as it focuses on the scent, tilting his head up and widening his nostrils.  He can’t focus on anything else, the scent is overwhelming, swamping his senses with its intensity. His own body is reacting; not only his dick but the hairs on his arms are rising and sweat is starting to bead on his chest.  This is nothing like he’s read about, but he’s helpless against its force. He can’t deny now that his heat is beginning; he’s scented enough omegas before, but never reacted to any like _this._

Heat prickles Isak’s neck for the second time that morning as he raises his eyes and looks right into the desperate gaze of the blue-eyed beauty he’s been seeing around school for the last couple of months.  The blue-eyed marvel he’s had a crush on for at least a month of that time.

 

**Even: The Tram**

Even’s on the tram on his way to school when he notices it. He feels restless, hot and uncomfortable and he’s starting to sweat. He’s been a little testy these past days but this is so much worse. It’s like he has has a fever, he feels a pressure in his lower back and everything smells too much, is too much. Realization hits him.

_Fuck._ Is this it? Is this the beginning of his first heat?

He is almost 20, so some would say it’s about time. The suppressants he takes every day have kept him from having heats before. He has always known it was a matter of time, though. Even holds back a groan. He’s probably just on the very edge of the heat now. He can feel it creeping up his spine, warm and tingling, swelling his cock to half-hard in his pants, but it’s not the overwhelming, raging, desperate-to-fuck state that he has heard about.

His palms are a little sweaty as he clings to the bar in the tram, but he’s nearly at school anyway, and then he’ll be fine. A part of him wants to get out of the tram at once, and get back home. But his parents are at work and he knows the procedure with these first time heats. The first step is to visit health personnel. The second is to find a safe place to stay. The school routinely informs the students that they have rooms to stay through the school day, until they can be picked up by parents or other trustworthy people.

His friends have told him enough about what comes next. Four days of bedridden desperation, non-stop jerking off, some hearty abuse of stupidly big silicone toys, and then he’ll be _fine_.

Thank fuck that the tram is not that full. The chance of seeing other alphas or omegas that can smell him is pretty slim. The tram stops ten minutes from school, and a crowd of people get off and on. Even chooses to keep standing, even if there are available seats. If he keeps a distance from others there’s a smaller risk that they’ll scent him. Omegas are rare, after all, and although most people, like regulars and betas, don’t scent much at all, Even wants to be on the safe side.

Most omegas don’t hide at all. Omegas are treasured, and Even can hear an echo of his mom’s voice, reminding him there are alphas who would kill to be the focus of his interest. Well, he doesn’t want _anyone_ to kill anyone, _thank you very much_ ; he doesn’t want the attention at all. He doesn’t like the feeling of being viewed as a _treasure_. Thank god he doesn’t risk getting pregnant; male omegas lost that ability thousands of years ago, but it’s still annoying to be so influenced by his own biology.  

Luckily, he still has some control. He goes on suppressants to avoid situations like this. It doesn’t take the scent away, but it delays heats and lessens the chance of doing something stupid. His soap hides his scent, when he’s not in heat. He should be able to handle this.

_Just ten minutes_ , Even tells himself. Something sharp and hot ripples through his body, and he turns his head to look. There’s a guy – and _damn_ it’s _that guy_ – near the doors.

Even’s heart speeds up as he recognizes the familiar figure and he can’t tear his eyes away. The sun shines on the golden locks that he’s tried to hide under his snapback. He looks lost in his thoughts as he enters. _It’s really him!_ Even can’t hold back a smile. He knows this guy, well he knows _of_ him, anyway, from Nissen. It’s the tall, cute guy with the snapbacks and the green eyes and the throaty laughs that Even’s been crushing on since he started at Nissen.

Right from the start Even had noticed how this guy sometimes flashed smiles like he was the master of the world and sometimes looked with eyes that were so deep, and so vulnerable and raw that they took Even’s breath away. This guy was intriguing. Well, he still is. Even feels a tingling going through his spine as he watches the guy. He is cute. Hot. As far as Even knows, he’s smart, too, and witty.

The only downside is that Even’s pretty sure he’s an alpha. This guy is all long limbs, broad shoulders and muscles and a kind of quiet intensity, and _fuck_ , he’s cute. And it’s not like Even doesn’t like alphas, he’s been with some before. He’s just not interested in getting dominated. The timing right now is horrible, too, of course. The guy’s got his chin tipped up and his eyes narrowed, like he’s scenting the air.  
  
He’s scenting Even.  
  
_Fuck._  
  
Even can’t fight the tingling feeling that goes through him at the thought. If he’s honest with himself he doesn’t mind the idea of getting attention from his crush, but he really doesn’t want to be defined by being an omega. He doesn’t want to be wanted just because he’s a… rare treasure!

Even swallows hard and tries to look away, but the cute guy’s already caught his scent and sends one heavy look right into his eyes. Even holds his gaze, and it almost feels like a dare. _Yeah, I’m here. What?_

The guy’s eyes widen. And the strange part is, that Even feels himself losing some of his tension. The guy’s stare is green, deep and almost dazed, and he looks a little lost, and Even’s heart races, and he both _wants_ , and he _doesn’t want_ this guy to come over. He shifts, turns a little and looks away, but he can still feel the weight of the gaze on the back of his neck, and he straightens his spine and tries not to look vulnerable.

Even's never been a stereotypical omega. Omegas are often described as beautiful, irrational, caring, submissive creatures, and Even has never felt like those things define him. He has strong emotions, sure, and he’s kind, but he’s clever and strong, too. He could probably take this guy in a fight if it came down to it. He could win an argument. It’s just that right now Even wants to lose himself in the other guy. He wants to be fucked senseless, knotted for hours until his scent is indistinguishable from his mate’s. He wants to connect and feel a closeness he never has felt before.

Even holds back a sigh. He has imagined getting to know this golden haired guy in so many different scenarios, and often romantic ones. But this… this is just the heat talking. Isn’t it?

The tram rocks them back and forth, and Even’s pulse is hammering. He can smell the guy now, his thick, musky, intoxicating scent filling the enclosed space. No one else notices; there can’t be other alphas or omegas around, then, and Even thinks wildly, _just for me_. He looks deliberately down at his feet, but the hair is standing up at the nape of his neck and he wonders if he’s making the wrong move.  
  
There’s a shuffle and press of people when the tram stops again, and the sharp scent of the alpha gets closer, hotter, and Even’s starting to sweat. Then there’s a firm body there right behind him. Even turns his head, ready to tell the cute guy to _seriously fuck off, he’s got this_ , but the guy’s got a soft, earnest expression on his face, and he doesn’t actually look that dangerous at all. His golden locks are peeking out of a snapback and he has a weird mix of cool bro-ness and vulnerability going on. It makes Even feel a little mushy inside.

“Hi,” the guy says, very quietly. His eyes are dazed, and Even wonders for a moment how affected he is.

“Hi,” Even chokes and turns his eyes forward again, trying not to get other people’s attention.

“I’m Isak,” the guy says into his ear, and his voice is still quiet. The guy called Isak takes another step into Even’s space. He takes a deep shivering breath. “Uh… fuck. I want you.” He groans, takes half a step closer. “I wanna … I really want to fuck you.”

_Fuck_. It should be insulting. It should be ridiculous, and outrageous, and the exact opposite of really goddamn hot, but it isn’t. Even sucks in a sharp breath, a pulse of want and need rocketing through him. His cock is hard now, throbbing in his jeans, and he has his gym bag positioned just right so he doesn’t scandalize the whole tram.

“I’m uh… Even,” Even says, choking a little as the guy, Isak, ducks his head to the curve of his neck and inhales. He’s obviously got his animal instinct in check, just enough that he can keep up the charade of normality in public.  But not enough that he keeps his nose away from Even.

_Fuck_ , he can’t do this. Even’s maybe an omega, but he’s not powerless to his biology, dammit. He musters all the resistance he has and turns his head to face Isak.  “That’s a bit forward, you know,” he says. “And even if I am an omega, _I_ decide who I fuck.”

Isak blinks, steps back a little. “Sorry, I… Of course. Shit, what’s going on?” he mutters. “I feel fucking weird…”

His confused uneasiness helps Even to regain even more control, and he hides behind one of his flashy smiles. “I’m flattered, though. You’re damn hot, Isak.” His heart hammers in his chest and his hands are clammy but he hopes the facade holds.

“Don’t say that.” Isak looks like he’s in a daze and hardly knows what he’s saying. “I’m not even gay. I mean, I don’t usually say stuff like this, fuck, I… It’s just… so warm here.”  

And it hits Even. This isn’t just _Even’s_ first heat. Isak looks more lost than just another alpha affected by an omega in heat. It almost seems like Even’s heat has ignited something in Isak.

“You okay?” he asks, forgetting his own struggle.

“I think… I’m going into heat,” Isak mutters.

The absurdity of it all makes Even chuckle. “Yeah. Yeah, it seems like it.”

Isak swears to himself, turning his head enough that his mouth brushes open against Even's neck when he moves, and Even's knees turn promptly liquid. _Oh shit_ , he thought he was on top of this, but that’s so far from the truth.

“What are you doing,” Isak asks, his lips moving against Even’s bare neck, “out in public right now, smelling like this?”

Even fights to stay in control. “You can’t… Why do you… It’s not really your business, is it?”

Isak looks surprised, probably by being met like that by an omega, but then he nods and takes a deep breath as he steps back. “No. Sorry. I shouldn't have. I got… carried away.”

And _whoa_ , that’s a first. An alpha who manages to step back and say he’s sorry. Even stares at him and softens a little. Isak looks so lost, and something in Even wants to share a little after all. “I’m going to school to see the school doctor,” he manages, but it's an effort. His voice sounds strung-out, stupidly desperate to his own ears, and he takes a second to hope nobody else in the tram can hear this, Isak's voice low against his neck, Even's strained responses. Commuters tend to keep their eyes to themselves, but ears are a different matter. Someone could be listening to this. Actually, Even should be more disturbed by the thought than he is.  
  
The fact is that Even's cock is pretty much beyond listening to the demands of his rational mind, and when a sudden jolt of the tram throws Isak forward, rocking them together, Even can't bite back a little moan. Against the bolt of his jaw, he feels warm breath as Isak laughs shakily.

“The school doctor?” Isak asks, and the heat from his body bleeds through Even’s clothes, right down to his bones. “So. It’s your first, too, then?”

Even doesn’t answer, but Isak continues, like he can’t stop himself: “What were you planning on doing when you got there? Go home? Got someone waiting for you? Someone in your bed? Fuck. Sorry.”

When Even turns his head towards him, Isak looks mortified.

Even swallows. “No,” he says. His throat feels like it's stuffed full of cotton, dry and thick. “No, I’m not – no one’s waiting.” He doesn’t want it to sound like an invite, although it kinda does.

Isak meets his eyes. And in that moment, something careful passes between them. Something that reminds Even of Isak before this heat, and that makes his chest ache.

“So the school rooms, then,” Isak says.

“Yeah.”

Isak nods, looking thoughtful. He seems to be able to restrain himself a bit more now.

Even doesn’t know what to say. This is wild. And annoying. Even likes to stay in control. He doesn’t like to be dominated by anyone. Also, nobody knows that he likes boys just as he likes girls and, well, _people_ . Although he likes Isak, he should be running away screaming. However, even if his arousal is hidden from view by the shield of his gym bag it’s probably clear and sharp to Isak's alpha senses; and Isak's response, evident in the raw, sexy smell of him. And Even doesn’t want to run away _at all_.

Isak says, “Huh, seems like I need to go there too, then.”

Just that, and Even feels a slow curl of heat overtake him like a wave. “Yeah,” he says, irritated with how breathless he sounds.

Isak shuts his eyes for a moment. “I guess we can find a way to ease things there, huh, Even?” Isak shifts his leading foot just a little on the floor, hitching them closer, and shit, but Even likes the sound of his name in Isak's mouth. _Christ_.

Even realizes, as if he’s in a haze, that Isak doesn’t seem to know much about this. “Yeah,“ he whispers. “There’s help. And… toys.“ He feels his face heat up.

Isak makes a strangled sound. “Toys…” he says with his face taking on a stronger intensity.  He licks his lips when he lifts those deep green eyes to Even’s. “Do you think they will do it for you? Fill you up good when you fuck yourself with them?”  
  
_Fuck_. The typical alpha talk makes Even feel both attracted and annoyed. He takes a deep breath, managing to reign in some control. He turns around to face Isak. “How about you?” he asks, in a low voice, pushing back. “Alphas want to be filled just as much as omegas, you know! I bet I could fill you up good.”

Isak stares at him, and suddenly he looks like a deer caught in headlights. He swallows. “I know that,” he says.

Even keeps his gaze. _Damn_ , Isak looks wrecked. His eyes are dilated and glazed and his lips parted. The flush colours his cheeks pink.

Something about Isak makes Even yearn to just lose himself in the heat. God, it's not like he doesn't remember all the reasons he decided, a long time ago, that it was a bad idea to get together with someone right now. He knows of the dangers that accompany surrendering himself like that. He has heard that some alphas fuck hard, relentlessly, and Even is pretty sure that when he goes into heat fully he will get too pumped up on pheromones and need to enable him to recognise if things are getting out of hand. He fears that the heat will wake something in him and make him want to be owned.

That kind of submissiveness just isn't Even, but, shit, the thought of losing himself in Isak, _fuck_. His toes curl in his boots, bracing against a new wave of heat. Fuck, it’s already starting. He wants this, he is gone for Isak, and the worst part is, he doesn’t really mind it. He’s so wet already, ass slippery and ready to be fucked, he can’t wait.

_Easy now_. One more stop and they’ll be there, and then he can soon get some release. He closes his eyes.

Isak must smell it, because he makes this noise in his throat, low and rough, close enough to a growl that Even’s dick start to throb. _Fuck_ , he needs to get off this tram soon. He allows himself to shift closer to Isak for just a moment, disguising it as a reaction to the roll of the tram, just so he can get one more feel of his body. Isak gives a little short, surprised gasp, like he wasn’t expecting Even to act like this.

“Okay, we need to keep it together,” Even forces out and steps away. “We’ll be there soon.”

Isak groans. “Fuck, I don’t know about school. What about the other students? Other alphas, omegas, or betas? They’re gonna smell us.”

“Do you have somewhere else to go?” Even asks.

“Nah. I live in a kollektiv, and I might have to stay in the flat for some days, I suppose, but nobody’s there right now. So. The doctor and the school room first.”

Even sighed. “Okay. Then we’ll just have to try to get past the crowd. We can do that.”

“Yeah…”

Even can feel the heat radiating off of Isak, can smell the musk of his arousal, and he almost can’t breathe.

When the doors open, he yanks himself away from Isak, grabs for his hand, and pulls him to the exit. He pushes past people and Isak’s keeping up, strong fingers squeezing Even’s, and Even wonders how in the hell they’re going to make it to the school doctor.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We would like to thank Tui ( [Tuii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuii/pseuds/Tuii) ) and Gitte ( [PicadoraDK](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PicadoraDK/pseuds/PicadoraDK) ) for beta reading this for us. Their input has been amazing and so much help to us new little a/b/o writers. Thank you both; you're stars <3

**Isak: School**

It’s a shock when Even grabs Isak’s hand, and pulls him towards the tram’s exit.  This isn’t how omegas are ‘supposed’ to be; they tend to be much more submissive than this, usually letting the alphas take control and going along with any of their plans.  It takes Isak’s breath away, and he kind of likes the confidence Even’s showing, leaving him willing and even eager to be led by this guy out of the tram and onto the footpath.

“Fuck,” Isak whispers when they’re left mostly alone, the stream of other students having jostled past them and started making their way towards the school.  It’s a little better out here in the open air, but Even’s scent is still sharp and strong, and Isak is still helplessly attracted by it. It doesn’t make it any easier that Isak’s been a little helpless under Even’s charms anyway.  

He’s so beautiful, with hair that begs to have fingers running through it (Isak doesn’t want to count the number of times he’s thought of doing just that), and lips that scream a desire to kiss and be kissed.  Isak might not be gay, but he knows a beautiful person when he sees one, and god he wants to fuck Even. Which … _fuck._  What the fuck is happening to him?

This isn’t him; he’s not usually so explicit, even in his thoughts.  Isak groans. His senses are still completely overwhelmed by Even’s scent, and he flushes a little as he remembers some of the stuff he’d said while overcome by its power.  Isak’s always been reasonably confident sexually, that comes with the alpha territory, but he’s never propositioned someone on a tram, and he’s certainly never tried to make that someone flush by talking about fucking themselves on silicone toys before.  He’s never walked right up to someone and nosed their neck, trying to soak in their scent before, either. This is all becoming a real problem.

“We need to go,” Even says, tugging on his hand.  Isak’s nostrils are assaulted by another wave of Even’s scent, and he can tell that he’s getting desperate; it’s become more musky, deeper, and there’s a new smell.  Slick; it must be really starting to show now for Isak to be able to smell it above all the other scents Even’s emanating. Even’s really getting close, then.

Isak’s dick twitches in his pants, painfully reminding him of how hard it is, as another flash of Even’s hot, musky scent crashes over him.  So, really, it’s not like Isak’s doing any better. He nods, breathes a confirmation, and lets Even drag him towards the doors of the school.

They push through the doors together, hands still firmly clasped, and Isak’s head is swimming from the need to press himself into Even’s neck.  He wants to bite and lick, to savor that scent and … _no._  There was enough of that on the tram; Isak can’t let himself give in to it here and now.  He can’t let the rest of the school know what’s up with him. With a superhuman effort, Isak forces himself to drop Even’s hand and move a couple of feet away from him.  It’s a wrench; his whole body protests at the separation.

“We just need to get to the doctor,” he pants, his body fighting him as it urges him to press up against Even’s again.  “Then we can have time out, and deal with this shit.” He looks around, trying to spot the way to the doctor’s wing. “Someone in this dump must know what to do.”

The bell rings, shrill in the large room, and Isak swears.  Even turns glazed, haunted eyes to him. “Come on,” he says.  “Let’s go find this place.”

Even pushes his way in the direction he thinks they need to go, and they eventually find a sign directing them to the alpha and omega rooms and the school doctor’s office.  Isak skids to a halt in front of the office door and stares. “What the fuck?” he whispers.

There’s a carefully printed sign that lets them know the doctor won’t be in today until after 11, and there’s no-one else around either.  No-one who can open any of the rooms for them. Even presses his head against it and whimpers. “What do we do now?” he asks.

His scent has changed a little, a bitter tang wafting through it as his anxiety spikes.  Isak’s instinct is to soothe, to run his hands over the heated skin and settle this unhappy omega.  He wants to lose himself in that scent and deal with his fucking boner in the best way possible. But he can’t; he has to stay rational and in control.  So he makes sure he stays as far from Even as he can get (or that his body will allow, which isn’t far, just a foot or two), unwilling to risk what might happen if he lets himself bury his nose into that neck again.

“I guess we have to go to class,” he says, and he can hear the strain in his voice.  “Come back at 11. Can you … can you cope that long?”

Even pushes himself back from the door, and Isak can see the effort that takes him.  Reluctant admiration floods him at the sight. Even’s close now, very close, but he’s making sure that he stays in control of himself.  Given that Isak’s in a constant battle with his own body which keeps trying to betray him, he’s impressed that Even has the control he does.  He’s heard what it’s like for omegas in heat, and this self-control goes against everything he’s read and seen.

“I think …” Even says, his voice tight with its own strain.  “I think I can manage. Until 11 anyway.”

Sighing his relief, Isak grins at him.  He wishes he could say just how much he admires how Even is handling this, but he knows it’s not his place.  Instead, he tries to offer some practical help. “There’s this spray stuff you can get, did you know about it?  It can cover your scent? Or mask it a little.”

“Yeah,” Even says, breathing heavily.  His hair is starting to curl on his forehead, the sweat making it drop from its perfect styled look.  He’s so beautiful it makes Isak’s breath catch in his throat, and sets an itch in him to brush it away, to smooth his fingers over that sweat-slickened forehead.  “I’ve heard of it, Even continues. “But I don’t have any. Do you?”

There’s a desperate hope in his voice and in his scent and Isak’s belly curls with the desire to make this all okay for him, but he has to shake his head.  “No,” he says, and watches in dismay as Even’s face falls. It’s throbbing in him now, this desperate need to touch Even. But Isak can’t allow himself to do that; he only barely controlled himself on the tram.  There’s no way he can manage it now that Even’s closer to his heat.

Another bell rings and Isak starts, dragging his attention away from the pulse point at Even’s neck that he’s been edging closer to.  “Fuck,” he says, dragging his eyes up to Even’s flushed face. “We’re late. Are you ready to go?”

Even takes one deep breath, and Isak can smell a sharp spike in his scent, and a rush of desire floods his veins.  Even looks back at the door to the office then nods. Isak has to force his eyes away from the delicate line of his jaw and the red of his lips, and make himself turn around.

“Okay,” Isak says.  “Okay. We can do this.”

He’s reluctant to go, but he knows he has to.  It’s a wrench, separating himself from Even, and Isak feels a slight headache as he forces his feet away from the door and out into the main school.  Stalling by his first classroom, he can hear Even behind him, his steps firm as he makes his way past Isak and out to a different part of the school.

 

By the time Isak has slid late into his seat in his first class, the headache is a solid pressure behind his eyes.  The teacher gives him one long, disappointed look but doesn’t press him on where he’s been. Isak breathes out a long, thankful sigh and throws his head back once she’s turned away from him.

“Bro,” Jonas hisses leaning in close.  “Bro, can you smell it?”

“What?”  Isak spins to look at Jonas, wincing as the pain slices through his head when he does.  He’s terrified that Jonas has figured it out somehow.

“There’s an omega around,” Jonas says.  “Whoever it is must be new; I haven’t smelled this one before.”

And that, Isak thinks staring at Jonas in blank shock, is a good point. He _hasn’t_ ever scented Even before, even though he _knows_ he’s seen him around; his beauty has been hard to miss.  There’s no way Isak mistook those beautiful blue eyes, and that amazing jawline and flawless hair for someone else’s.  

Ever since Even started here a few months ago, Isak has been _noticing_ him.  His laugh, his eyes, the way his neck stretches when he’s interested in what someone has to say, which seems to be all the time.  He’s beautiful in a way Isak has been mesmerized by, a way that’s confident and appealing. It’s actually a shock that Even’s an omega since he never acts like it, and certainly hadn’t ever smelled like it either.  Isak hadn’t made the connection on the tram, but it _is_ new, Even’s scent.  How has Even been hiding it?  And why has it suddenly come out with his heat?

Isak shrugs, though, still unwilling to let Jonas know what’s happening to him and not wanting to risk Jonas figuring out that Isak’s met and interacted with this ‘new’ omega.  

“I hadn’t noticed,” he says, doing his best to play cool and confident.  “Can’t be that strong.”

As he says it, a waft of Even’s scent makes its way into the classroom, and Isak’s head gives an unpleasant, sick thump.  He groans, and lets his head drop to the desk in front of him. So much for cool and confident. How is it even possible for Isak to smell that scent from this far away?  Even’s nowhere near, he’s sure of it; the scent smells weak and dim giving an impression of distance. Isak’s chest tightens, his breath is punched out of him and his dick swells uncomfortably anyway; responsive, it seems, to the slightest hint of Even.  And that’s a fucking joke; Isak has only just managed to get his previous boner under control and now a mere whiff of Even sets him off again?

“What’s the matter?” Jonas asks.

Isak tries to pull himself together, sits upright and tries to focus on his books.  The page swims in front of his eyes and his head thumps even more unpleasantly when he tries to look at his opened computer screen.  “Nothing,” he says. “Just a headache. Mustn’t have slept very well.”

Jonas smirks.  “I thought you slept really well,” he says.  “You certainly woke up well.”

“Haha,” Isak says, though his dick twitches at the reminder.  And Jesus, you’d think after fucking the way they did this morning that this sort of heightened need from one small smell wouldn’t be possible.  And yet here Isak is, drenched in sweat and skin prickling with heat from one tiny waft of Even’s scent. “A good wake up means nothing if you sleep badly, you should know that.”

“Good to know there’s another omega around though, right?” Jonas says.  “It gives more chance to find one to mate with, properly.”

Isak shrugs.  “Nah, I’m not interested in all that shit yet.  Besides, we don’t _have_ to have an omega.  We can end up with whoever we like.”  Like another alpha, he thinks wistfully.  Like best buddies working things out together, not just fucking.  Not that Isak’s gay, and nor does he want to mate or bond with Jonas, not really.  He doesn’t want a mate at all, yet. But there are times when Isak does wish that his family didn’t expect him to end with a nice omega girl.  He wishes that his mother would stop constantly sending him bible messages reminding him that his role is to be the alpha to an omega. He wishes that being with another alpha was something he _could_ do and still be accepted.

“Yeah, but it’d be nice,” Jonas says, cutting into Isak’s thoughts, “being with someone who’s really right for us.”  Isak rolls his eyes. For someone who’s so against the capitalistic nature of so much of the alpha and omega system, and who will rant about the way it’s been twisted over time whenever someone expresses even a slight bit of interest, Jonas sure has a deep romantic streak.

“Well, good luck and you’re welcome to this one,” Isak says.  At his words, his head throbs again and he’s hit with a wave of nausea.  This is really fucking weird. If Isak didn’t know better, he’d think he’d already bonded with Even.  This has all the hallmarks of bond sickness, where you feel headaches, nausea, even sometimes other symptoms if you’re apart from your bondmate for the first few weeks.  

The idea terrifies him; Isak’s not ready to bond with _anyone,_ let alone another guy.  But surely it can’t be a bond anyway; he’s always read that for that to happen you have to have actually had sex with your bondmate.  And much as he really, _really_ wants to fuck Even, that definitely hasn’t happened.

Isak glances at the clock on the wall.  It says 8.34, and he stifles another groan. Shutting his eyes in an effort to shut out the scent, Isak silently counts out how many minutes he has to wait until it’s 11 and he can return to the doctor’s office.  It’s far too many, and he can’t prevent the whimper that thought drags out. Jonas looks at him quizzically and opens his mouth to say something, but thankfully the teacher asks him a question and he doesn’t follow through.  

Isak shivers with apprehension.  Jonas can’t be allowed to know what the problem is, that Isak is going into heat and may have bonded with the ‘new’ omega (and no … it _can’t_ be a bond, Isak won’t let it be; he’s far too young to be so thoroughly tied to someone else).  Isak’s not ready for the questions any of that will generate from Jonas, particularly a bond with a guy.  So Isak’s just going to have to keep himself together until he can get to the doctor, get some medication for his head and get into a room with some damn toys to take the edge off what’s happening to him.  

It’s going to be a long morning, he thinks as he opens his eyes and glances at the clock again.  8.35. Resisting the urge to throw his head down on the desk again and howl, Isak forces himself to pay attention to the lesson.

 

**Even: Heat**

When Even feels the hint of slicking up more, he shuts his eyes for a moment. As he follows Isak out in the hallway he keeps his face down. Isak probably has no idea what's just happened, or how far it’s come. Isak has no idea how tricky this is going to get. Even makes his way past Isak as he stalls by his classroom and Even fights the desperate need turn around and follow him in there.

He suddenly feels a little nauseous and his limbs ache. _What is this?_ Is it a part of the heat? But why did it happen when he left Isak? It can’t be… Even doesn't even dare to think it.

He goes to the bathroom to wash up a little instead. He meets his own eyes in the mirror and sees the desperation there as he washes himself. Isak had mentioned the body spray thing that could cover his smell, and that would be amazing. Even doesn’t have any now, though, so he makes do with what he’s got. He changes into his fresh gym clothes (he will look ridiculous but right now he doesn’t care) so that he won’t smell that much. He really wishes he had that spray, though. Maybe he could ask one of his closer friends about it. The heat would still be hard but he could maybe survive the start of it without getting attacked by another turned-on alpha.

The problem with asking his friends is that they don’t _know_ . Most of them are regulars or betas and they have no idea that he’s an omega. Nobody knows. Even has always managed to hide it with suppressants and soap. Well, here at Nissen, anyway. At Bakka, everybody knows, and just the thought of it makes him cringe. They know _everything_.

Even is late for class, but a little relieved that his boner has calmed down somewhat and he doesn’t feel sweaty and wet anymore. At least not for a little while. He enters his classroom carefully and tries to sit down at a distance from the others. Luckily, there are no alphas in this class, but some of the betas might smell him. Even feels slightly paranoid as he picks up his books so that he can pretend to be doing something.

Another shiver goes through his body. _Fuck_ , he thinks, leaning on his elbows over his book on the desk, his arms quivering. _Fuck my life for being a goddamn omega._

Omegas are maybe not as discriminated as they used to be, but they still often meet this strange mix of awe and disrespect and they still get unwanted attention especially from alphas in heat. And yeah, sure, omegas are treasured and it can be nice to get the attention for it (and Even has gotten his share of that earlier). But. He’s not sixteen anymore. Not interested in stuff like that. He no longer needs that kind of attention to feel better about himself (he likes to think that he doesn’t, anyway).

It somehow feels wrong, too, when people only want the omega. Even doesn’t quite know what it’s like to be wanted for who _he_ is, and not the omega nature, the scent, the heats, the promise of pleasure. He wants to be wanted for himself, and he wants to be the one in control. So. It’s always safer to stay under the radar. Now there’s _no_ chance he’ll be able to do that, though, at least if he doesn’t find a way to hide it. People will scent him. At least alphas and other omegas will.

The worst part is, he can still smell Isak, too. Isak’s in a different part of the school and Even can still breathe in his lingering scent. Every time he does it eases some of the pain in his body. But on the other hand, it makes his dick harden again and his body shiver, too.

In the first break he has no idea where to go or where to hide. Isak’s scent seems to be everywhere and Even wonders why nobody else reacts to it. And why don’t they react to him? Even the alphas only send him curious glances. Could Isak have this strong reaction because of his heat? Or maybe there’s more to it?

Even manages to stay away from people through most of the break, but in the end Sana approaches him. Even stares at her with wide eyes. Sana’s been great with him since he started at Nissen. She’s kept his secrets and she’s been very discreet. But what happens when she scents him in heat?

"Hi,” Sana says. “Are you okay? I’ve never noticed you like this before. Have you forgotten your suppressants or something?”

Even looks more closely at her. She doesn’t look affected at all. Not like Isak was, anyway. And her alpha smell… well it doesn’t make him wild in the same way as Isak’s does either. Even registers it, and his body responds, but it’s far from the same.

“Uh, I’m in heat,” he whispers.

Sana makes a low _oooh_. “So you’re waiting for the school doctor’s office to open?” she asks. “Yeah the school decided to change the office hours. Sorry. The pupil’s council has sent a complaint and we’re pretty sure we’ll get the longer office hours back.”

“Yeah, well, that’ll be a little late for me,” Even sighs. He can’t quite hide the desperation in his voice.

Sana winces. “Yeah. I’m really sorry.”

“It feels like shit. I feel so… easy, it’s disgusting.”

Sana cocks her head and meets his gaze. “Don’t talk yourself down like that. You’re not easy. You’re only responding to the things happening in your body. It’s normal.”

Even sighs. “Maybe. It doesn’t help that others can scent me, of course. You don’t have anything that could hide my scent by any chance?”

“No, I’m afraid not. Your suppressants still hide it pretty well, though. I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t come close.”

Even frowns in disbelief as he looks at her. “I thought you would smell me a lot more,” he admits. “There was an alpha that reacted much more strongly earlier.”

“Well, there are some reasons that I don’t,” Sana said, taking on a lecturing tone.  She never can pass up an opportunity to educate someone. “I’m not as affected because you are on suppressants, I’m not in heat, I’m not attracted to you, and… well I might be attracted to someone else.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Sana studies him closely. “Also, can you have bonded with someone else? When you’re bonded you’ll smell less interesting to others.”

Even shifts his feet. That was just the question he didn’t want to get. “Nah, I don’t think…” He stiffens. A whiff of scent makes him shiver. It’s hot, and sweet, and… _Isak_ . Even raises his eyes and sees Isak with some of his friends on the other end of the schoolyard. He looks good. Tense, but _good_ . Isak seems to be smiling at something his friends are talking about, and _fuck_ , that smile does things to Even.

Even still struggles to understand how this sweet and lovely guy can be bossy and insensitive, as well. It’s strange. Isak doesn’t seem like the typical alpha, really. He doesn’t seem like the typical anything; he’s just _Isak_. Strong, funny and sweet Isak. Sweet smelling, too. And although he’s on the other end of the schoolyard, Even can feel a pull, like there’s something connecting them.

 _Shit_ , he needs to get a grip. He tells himself that he needs to remember to be careful. He needs to protect his heart. Isak doesn’t want someone like Even in his life, anyway.

Sana follows his eyes. She frowns. “Huh, Isak has a stronger scent, too. Are you both in heat, or what?”

“You know Isak?” Even croaks.

Sana smiles. “Yeah, I do. We share biology classes.”

“Oh,” Even nods. He probably should have known, but he has been too focused on school and not observant enough of others since he started at Nissen. He knows that Sana has her group of friends and that she’s been engaged in some revue group, but he hasn’t really paid attention. A part of him regrets that he didn’t know that she knows Isak. What if Even had talked to Sana about him before, or what if Even had contacted him before? What if they had gotten to know each other before this heat?

He can’t tear his eyes off Isak. “He seems… cool. I met him on the tram today.”

Sana shakes her head at him and smiles a little. “Oh, you’ve noticed him, have you, Even?”

Even shrugs, avoiding her eyes. If he had gotten to know Isak before this heat, he would probably be a lot more open about his interest. But right now he feels like he needs to keep things a little to himself.

“He’s the one, isn’t he?” Sana cocks her head, keeping her small smile. “He’s the alpha that noticed you?”

Even startles, and stares at her. “I… uh…”

“I’m not stupid, Even, of course he is. So, you like him, too, then...?” She looks amused, and curious.

Even tries to pull himself together. “Nah, he says he’s not even gay, so. End of.”

Sana looks like she wants to ask him something, but stops herself. “Really?” she muses, as if she’s talking to herself. “The girls say he has been fucking around with Jonas, so I don’t know about that.”

_Fucking around with Jonas._

Even freezes, feeling a little sick. “Jonas?” he croaks, as his heart beats heavily in his chest.

“Yeah that curly haired guy over there.”

Isak has a _boyfriend?_ The disappointment is heavy inside him as Even follows her nod. Isak and Jonas stand close to each other, and they look like they’re talking about something important. Well, if Isak has Jonas, then he wouldn’t have problems at all with this heat, would he? So why did he say he had no-one?

“Jonas is an alpha,” Sana explains. When she sees Even’s surprised look she shrugs. “There are no rules that say that alpha/ alpha pairings are wrong, you know. It’s just not that common.”

“I know,” Even says, trying to push away his disappointment. He has enough with the nausea and the desperate want in his body, anyway.

Sana looks more closely at him. “You’ve really got it bad, haven’t you? I’m sorry, Even. It’ll be okay.”

“I hope so.”

Sana smiles, and it’s maybe the alpha instinct that makes her reassure him: “It will. It will help to get into that heat room and get it over with.”

Even swallows dryly. Tries to shift his focus. “And you? Are you good?”

“I’m fine. Things are a little much right now, but it’s fine. Oh, I should tell you. The boys have been asking about you.”

The boys. His old gang. Even nods, trying to hold it together. “Are they good?”

“Yeah, they’re just as silly as always.”

“Good.”

Even swallows dryly. He can hardly control himself, and he can really not talk about the boys right now. “I should go,” he says, and escapes, trying not to think about the confused look on Sana’s face.

He feels miserable after the talk with Sana. He knows it’s irrational, and he knows he’s not even interested in a bond or a relationship right now, but the thought of Isak with someone else still bugs him.

Even tries to avoid Isak, but in the next break he stumbles into him by his locker, anyway. It’s weird, it almost feels like there’s an elastic band connected between them, drawing them together, whether they want it to or not.

“Hi,” Isak says. He looks damn good, but he also looks tired. His scent overwhelms Even at once. Isak smells so spicy and deep and it makes Even wild with the want to touch and feel and… well, to get fucked long and hard for hours.

“Hi,” Even answers, feeling hot in his cheeks. Warm in his hands. Tight in his chest. Isak’s eyes are so green. Damn, that’s not helpful. _Breathe_. Even breathes, and focuses on his breath.

“It’s not long now,” Isak says as he looks as his feet. “Until the school doctor is there, I mean.” He takes a deep breath and Even just knows that he’s dragging in Even’s scent.

“No, that’s good,” Even agrees. He tries to hold back a little. Isak is _off limits_ , after all (but how come both their reactions are so strong? Can they have bonded, anyway? Or maybe one sided bonding is a thing? Even knows too little about this).

His body doesn’t care about that, apparently. His dick throbs in his pants. Also, Isak is staring at him and it is _really_ not helping Even to deal with the slick-wet ache down there. Fuck, this is a lot worse than he imagined. Is this how the sex-crazed feeling is or is it getting even worse than this? He must be close, but since he’s still managing some control he supposes this isn’t the worst yet. _Damn._ Living on suppressants has protected him a lot more than he ever could imagine. Now he knows that no suppressants in the world can help him. The heat is on, and it isn't going away until Even's body is satisfied that it's been knotted good and _tight_.

Isak seems to scent his reactions, because a small groan escapes his lips. “Fuck, yeah.  It’s really good,” he says, and looks like he’s in pain. “I wonder if I should just drop the next class and go directly there.”

Even looks up, and meets Isak’s gaze again. _Damn_ , he’s cute. He looks like he doesn’t know where to look, though. Even wants to tickle him. Tackle him down and play on the ground. Fuck him senseless. Get fucked. _Damn_. That’s really not helpful at all.

_Breathe. Focus._

"Yeah.” Even says. “Actually, it’s pretty close to eleven and we can go over to the doctor _now_.”

“Together?” Isak asks, with his eyes wide. A worried frown forms on his forehead.

Even swallows as he realizes how hard it could be to spend more time alone with Isak. “Oh. Yeah, that’s maybe a bad idea. If it’s okay, I can go first. I suspect people won’t react as much to an alpha as an omega.”

Even can’t decipher Isak’s expression when he nods. “True. You can go first.”

“Cool.” Even knows that he needs to go, but something holds him back. Suddenly it’s _impossible_ to leave Isak. Just the thought of it makes Even sick. “I just. This is silly but. Could we go together anyway? Please.”

Green eyes meet his. Isak’s lips are parted as he stares at Even. “Uh, why?”

Even doesn’t know where to look or what to say. “I would just feel more safe if you followed me,” he says in the end. It isn’t really a lie. He does feel better with Isak with him. He also feels horny as hell, but that’s another matter. “So. Can we go together?”

Isak nods.

They keep a little distance as they both set the course for the school doctor’s office.

“So. Are you okay so far?" Even asks, trying to seem like he’s okay, like everything’s _fine_.

Isak raises those deep green eyes until they're gazing back at Even. He looks a little surprised; maybe it’s not that common for omegas to ask alphas questions like this, maybe it seems ridiculous to Isak. Even thinks that Isak's long, lush eyelashes are ridiculous. He thinks that they're ridiculous and so are the deep, brilliant eyes that they frame and those angular cheekbones, and his beautiful lips and Even's ridiculous for thinking such things about Isak right now (and with this heat he’s ridiculous for making a total fool of himself, too).

 _"_ Yeah, Even. I’m fine." Isak's hands aren't loose anymore. They’re crossed in front of him. Even can scent the desperation he’s in.

Even wants to say that _fine_ is unacceptable, _fine_ is a lie. Even wants to stand in front of Isak and touch those ridiculous, long, lush eyelashes with his fingertips, touch the ridiculous beautiful lips. Touch their foreheads together. Their lips, together. Their full bodies together. Ridiculous.

"Okay, fine," Even mumbles instead, staring at the flush of Isak's cheeks and thinking, _Jonas, remember he has Jonas,_ and then, _Isak really sucks at lying._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We would like to thank our amazing betas (in this chapter mostly [Tuii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuii/pseuds/Tuii) and [PicadoraDK](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PicadoraDK/pseuds/PicadoraDK) ) once again. You all collectively saved this chapter from itself and we love you for it <3

**Isak: School Doctor**

It feels like at least a year between the moment they leave the locker bay and the time they reach the doctor’s office. Isak’s skin is raging, ripples of desire running over every inch.  Even’s scent is completely overpowering now, and Isak has to grit his teeth and clench his fists in order to keep from touching him. He tries to close off his nostrils, tries to keep Even’s intoxicating scent from shutting down his rational mind but the scent gets in there anyway.

It doesn’t help that Even’s sloping along beside him, all lanky frame and long legs.  He’s sunk into his own thoughts, his lips clamped together as if he, too, is reacting to Isak’s scent and forcing himself to be natural.  As Isak watches, Even’s hand slips up and runs through the damp hair matted on his forehead. It’s so enticing, sexual in a completely unconscious way that Isak’s dick gives another uncomfortable throb in his pants.  An impulse to clasp the hand in his, push Even back against a wall with both hands above his head and take a bruising kiss rushes through Isak. He grits his own teeth hard against letting himself actually carry through with it.

Even is an omega who’s not for him, Isak reminds himself. Everyone wants omegas; they are even more rare than alphas. Omegas are described as beautiful and charismatic creatures with a phenomenal sex drive, especially during heat (and that thought sends a shaft of deeply guilt-ridden desire right to Isak’s dick, which again throbs uncomfortably). Omegas are also rumored to be shifty and unreliable until they bond, so there’s also often a lot of distrust of them. Isak doesn’t know how true any of the rumors are, but the history books claim that the omegas used to receive gold, love songs and sometimes even countries from lovesick suitors (mostly alphas).

Now, Isak has the impression omegas are in the spotlight a lot, like actors and musicians. They are still often popular, with people both chasing after them and vilifying them.  Isak wonders if that’s why Even has been trying to hide, why he hasn’t been obvious as an omega until now. Being an alpha has drawbacks, too, but it doesn’t seem to be anything like as intense as what omegas face.  It’s all academic anyway; it’s been made clear to Isak that he should find a nice omega girl and settle down with her. A boy, even the most beautiful omega boy Isak has ever seen, is not a viable choice.

Isak glances sideways at Even again, reminds himself that Even should have his choices and his secrets.  As much as Isak wants to know everything, it’s not up to him. So he clenches his fists more tightly, tries to shut down his nose and hopes like hell that he can make it to the doctor’s office without overstepping any boundaries.

By the time they make it to the corridor, Isak’s pouring with sweat and he has his lips clamped shut so he doesn’t say or do something completely offensive.  His body is straining, fighting against him every step of the way, desperate to lay hands all over Even, to push against him and take what it wants. It’s really fucking hard; Isak wants to purr so many things into Even’s skin, drag him against his body, push into him, tell him exactly what he wants to do to every inch of his skin.  What he wants to do to him with his dick.

“We’re here,” Even says, his voice filled with relief and gravelly from the strain.  It seems this walk has been just as hard for him. It won’t be long now before they can get into rooms, get some of the promised toys and get this shit out of their systems.  Maybe then Isak can figure out a rational explanation for his damn headache and nausea. Which, now he thinks about it, have dissipated in the last few minutes.

“Okay,” Isak says and reaches out to push the door open.  “You ready?” It’s absurd, it’s just a reflection of the words he and Jonas always say to each other, but that reminder causes a hot flush to rush from Isak’s head to his feet and for his own slick to start building again.  Even’s scent sharpens in response, the musk so strong now that Isak just wants to push his nose into every part of him and soak it all in, lick it all up.

Even meets his gaze and Isak straightens at the attention despite himself, then frowns. He probably looks like he is a suitor presenting himself when he does that. As if he can, or wants, to compete with the kinds of people who chase after Even. Isak doesn’t chase omegas; this isn’t him. He likes things as they are, no bond, no mate.  He was happier when there was no heat too, but beggars can’t be choosers and he’s stuck with _that_ part now.

Even nods, takes a sharp breath in, says, “I’m ready,” and they both enter the room.  It’s soothing, clearly designed to take the immediate edge off any symptoms heats might be causing.  It doesn’t help much, but the soft tinkle of the fish tank bubbling in one corner and the subdued lighting does allow Isak to relax a tiny bit, letting him unclench his fingers and stand a little straighter.

“Hello?” The woman behind the desk says, and Isak starts.  He’s so caught up in his body and what it needs that he hadn’t even noticed that they have company.  Even’s no better; when Isak glances at him he sees him dragging his own gaze away from Isak’s body. The sight of those glazed eyes so clearly filled with want and need at the sight of _him_ makes Isak’s throat go tight and sends a flood of desperate desire through his body to his dick, making it start to harden again.  He sighs; it’s ridiculous how many times that’s happened today.

“Uh … hi,” Even says to the woman.  “We … uh. We think we might be going into heat?”

The woman chuckles.  “I don’t think there’s any ‘might’ about it.  You two are stinking up the place!” She clucks her tongue, moves around from behind the desk to look them over.  “Why didn’t you come earlier? It’s almost too late.”

“Um, we did,” Isak says.  “But there was a sign saying come back at 11.”

Sighing, she pats his shoulder and shakes her head as if she’s despairing of them.  “Did no-one tell you to wait until there was someone here?”

They both shake their heads.  Isak is about to complain, to push back at her condescension, and explain that there was no-one around, but she cuts in again before he can.  

“First time is it, dear?”

He flushes.  Is it that obvious?  “Um …”

“For both of us, yeah,” Even says, stepping in smoothly.  “It’s … it’s been quite …”

“Hmmm,” she says, looking them over.  She makes a few notes on a clipboard, and asks their names.  Once they’ve given them, she takes their temperatures, shaking her head at the results.  

“Okay.  Well, we’d best get you into a room: these temps are high so you’re both pretty close now.  Now, there are only two rooms available right now and the other one is occupied. So you’ll be sharing.  That’s okay, right?”

“Uh …” Sharing a room? Seriously? Isak swallows. “We thought…”

“I suppose as a couple you are fine with that?” the woman asks, and continues before Isak has time to protest the ‘couples’ part: “A lot of couples prefer to share, and it’s good you are together, or we would have been forced to send one of you home, or to another place for heats.”  She purses her lips as she looks at them. “And to be honest, you two are so close that I’m not sure we could get you somewhere else in time.”

 _Fuck_. The alternative doesn’t sound tempting at all.

Isak glances sideways at Even and sees the way his face blanches at the suggestion.  He’s worried, then, about whether Isak will be able to control himself. That’s fair enough; Isak’s not sure himself how he’s going to react if he must stay in a room with Even

“What do we do?” he whispers to Even. “Would you rather that one of us goes to another place? I could manage it. I think.”

Even stares at him. “No. Fuck. I don’t want you to be forced to leave. We’re safe here. We can do this, right?”

“There’ll be a bathroom probably.  I can stay there if … if … well, you know, if it gets too much.”

“It’s fine,” Even hisses.  “We can cope, I think.”

He still looks apprehensive, though, and Isak sighs.  “It’s better than the alternative, anyway.”

“Yeah it is,” Even says.  “I don’t think I’d make it home.”

Isak nods. He turns to the woman who’s looking at them with confusion in her eyes.

“Is everything okay?” she asks.

Isak’s still not totally happy, but there’s not much else they can do.  However, the thought of being forced to get off in the same room as Even is humiliating even if it’s in an adjacent bathroom. Isak shivers and tells himself that it’s okay. That soon he’ll have release, that his mind will clear and he’ll be able to move without stumbling over his own limbs. All he has to do is look away and pretend Even isn’t in the room with him. He can do that.

“Well,” the doctor says, her impatience with Isak’s moment of hesitation obvious in her voice, “there’s not much choice.  These are the only secure spots we have, so it’s this or I call another place to see if they have space.”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Isak says, swallowing his worries. “We can share the room, if we really have to.”

So. This is happening. They will have to share a room.

She leads them back out into the hallway and down towards another room.  She unlocks it and pushes the door open for them. Inside is a large bed, a couple of chairs and a small cabinet to one side.  There’s a door in the far wall, which Isak assumes leads to bathroom facilities.

“There you are.  It’s a couples’ room, so you’ll be nice and happy in here.”

Isak realizes that he never got to tell her that they’re not really a couple. “Oh, no.  We’re not … it’s not …”

“Not to worry, dear.  There’s lots of room for both of you.”  She smiles cheerfully. “There are things to help in that cabinet; all sterilized, don’t worry.”  She chuckles. “I’ll just leave you to it, then.”

She steps out and starts closing the door before remembering something and popping her head back around the doorframe.  “It’s soundproof, so don’t worry that anyone will hear you. It can get very loud, and we don’t want people to feel self conscious.”  She glances sideways. “Oh, but there is an intercom there. See.” She points to a box on the wall. “Just push that button if you need something, or we’ll buzz in to let you know when your parents are here.”

Isak doesn’t bother correcting her.  Eskild isn’t his parent, but he’s close enough.  She must catch sight of something on their faces; either that or their scents are bleeding their panic because she smiles at them, more gently this time.  “Don’t worry. It’s all natural and normal. Do whatever you need to do to get through it; we don’t judge here. We’re just here to keep everyone safe, and I promise you’ll get home to your families in one piece.”

With that, she steps out and clicks the door shut behind her.  Isak tries it, just to be sure, but as expected it’s locked. They don’t want people in full-blown heats to just get out, after all.  It’s a school and they have a responsibility to keep everyone safe, not just the people caught in their heats. That doesn’t mean he likes being stuck in here with an unwilling omega.

Being in heat is very different to just fucking because you want to, and even then Isak knows he likes to push himself and his partner pretty hard.  It’s going to be tricky if he’s going to avoid doing anything Even doesn’t want him to. Because Isak’s not naive enough to think that they will stay on their own sides of the room once the musk sets in and the scents fire up and the instinct takes over.  It’s crucial that they have ground rules before any of that happens.

Isak’s still thinking he should go hang out in the bathroom, as cold and unwelcoming as that feels.  It’s not going to be easy to stay away from Even if he’s not into it too, even then, so if anything happens, Isak needs to make sure Even’s okay with it.  Just taking someone because he’s in heat doesn’t sit right with Isak; as alpha it’s his responsibility to take control, he’s the one who has to do the right thing, so he needs to be sure Even’s okay to do whatever they end up doing when … if … it gets bad.  He’s not sure that they have a lot of time; he can feel his body taking over, resisting his brain and he needs to be _sure_ before that happens.  The idea of losing control and hurting Even is terrifying.

Even has curled himself up on the bed and is shivering.  That’s not good. That means he’s really getting close, and Isak’s going to have to discuss this with him sooner rather than later.

“So,” he says.  “I guess we’re stuck here.”

Even swallows and looks at him.  His blue eyes are large and Isak finds it hard to drag his own eyes away from them.  He takes a moment to look Even over. He’s shaking, his arms clasped around the middle of his body, and his knees pulled up to his chest.  His face is still one of the most beautiful things Isak has ever seen, with its high defined cheekbones flushed with his heat, hair matted with sweat to his forehead, and lush red lips.  They’re redder than usual now and Isak finds his gaze snagging on them. He _wants,_ so badly.  The scent is so powerful in this confined space and Isak’s fingers are itching with the need to touch, to press, to consume.  But he needs to keep his distance until they’ve discussed this properly.

Even doesn’t answer him, so Isak turns to the cabinet and riffles through the contents.  There are some bottles of water, packets of food (thank goodness; Isak hadn’t thought to bring any of his own and it’s almost lunch time).  It somehow pleases a deeper part of him to see the food. He wants to give Even everything. He wants to provide. He wants Even to laugh with him and confess that he wants Isak to be there for his heat, and he wants to smell the omega smell of sunshine and sweat and seed, and Isak wants to feed Even and pet him and satisfy his every demand. And he wants Even to smile and be his in return.

It hardly seems a fair bargain, and fuck, he’s just as bad as any other possessive alpha, isn’t he.

Isak opens his mouth to offer whatever Even wants, then recalls Even saying that he wants to be in control. He shuts his mouth and studies the rest of the contents instead. A stack of sheets, which clearly suggests how often they expect the ones on the bed to get dirty.  Isak flushes when he looks at them, imagining how they’d end up soiled. There’s also a few boxes of condoms, lube (why? When everyone who uses these rooms creates slick?), and several rather large silicone dildos and vibrators. He chokes when he pulls one out. He knew, of course, that these things were provided, but it’s different somehow seeing them right here in front of him.

“That’s … that can’t be normal?” Even says, gasping as he sees the large dildo in Isak’s hand.

“It’s not abnormal,” Isak says, looking at it appraisingly now he has it in the light.  The knot in the end is huge and Isak hums as he looks it over. “I’ve seen bigger real ones.”  He grins over his shoulder at Even and winks. “At least there’s enough here that we should find something to help.”

“I’m not … there’s no way I’m shoving one of those inside while you’re here watching,” Even says, his voice strained again.

“Who says I’ll be watching?” Isak asks, trying to lighten the tension.  “I might be using my own. Or …” he swallows, before offering again, “or I could go into the bathroom.”

“No,” Even chokes out before he groans, clearly overcome by another wave of whatever heat is gripping him.  His scent spikes again, Isak’s mouth salivates and his dick is rock hard again. He needs something to touch it.  His own hand will do, probably, but what he really wants is Even’s warm touch, his long, sensuous fingers gripping Isak’s dick, stroking him to a climax before he gets inside Even and fucks him, coming again and again … and _shit._  Isak needs to stop thinking like this.  They have to fucking talk first. Even might only want to use toys and not want Isak near him at all.

Whatever Even is going through looks uncomfortable and Isak winces in sympathy.  He wants to soothe it, to help, to thrust his dick as far inside that body as he can and bite down on that neck, and … _no._  Those thoughts are near impossible to control now, but Isak can’t let himself think like this.  Not yet.

“Look,” he says urgently.  “We have to talk about this, now.  Before things get too … you know.”

“Too sexy?” Even says, trying for a cocky grin but ending up with something that looks more like a grimace, and Isak laughs.

“Yeah, something like that.”  Isak stands, then leans back against the wall by the cabinet.  He’s trying to find the right words to say what he needs, when Even suddenly pushes up from the bed and flies as far away from Isak as he can get, ending up huddled in the far corner of the room.  He’s moaning, but it’s not the good sort of moaning; he sounds like he’s in pain. His scent has flared with desire but there’s something bitter and anxious in it as well.

Isak swallows again.  He wants to help, but he can’t touch Even, not when every nerve in his body is yelling at him to _just fucking take this omega and fuck him._  Not until he knows that Even’s agreeing, that Isak’s not forcing something on him that he doesn’t want.  Not until he knows if he has to go use one of the giant toys in the cold sterility of the bathroom.

 

**Even. Locked in**

"Even. You’re in pain."

 _Pain? No, not pain._ Just desperation. It takes Even a very long time to realize that Isak spoke to him. It takes him even longer to realize that he's been trembling from head to toe and he can't stop it.

"I'm ..."

Huddled against the wall farthest from Isak with his arms wrapped around his lower belly Even tries again to speak and fails. His breaths are shallow and swift. His face tingles and feels warm. He feels sweaty and sticky. His hole is clenching and _aching_ to be filled with something long and hot and _thick_ , something with a _big_ knot that'll plug him up _deep_.

 _Fuck_ , can’t Isak do that? Can’t they just help each other out and take the edge off this horrible situation? Can’t they just fuck some of this need out of their systems?

Even groans. Holy shit, did he actually just _think that_ ? No, no, no, no, _no_ . Isak has a _boyfriend_ and he says he’s not gay (that’s fucking illogical if he’s not bi or pan or something, but it didn’t seem like he meant it like that, but what the hell), so there's no way Isak will ever want to have sex with _him_ –

But _fuck_ , Even wants to. They are stuck here and they will need to do something about it; it’s only a matter of time, isn’t it?

“Can I... uh, help you?” Isak asks. He looks pained, too, but he looks even more concerned.  “There’s water here, and things to eat and...”

“No. No, you don’t have to… help.” It’s probably bad manners to say no to an alpha’s offers, but Isak isn’t offering food as a mating thing, goddammit, he’s just being nice, and food is really not on Even’s mind right now. He turns his face towards the wall, hiding his flushed face from Isak, hiding his rapidly growing erection behind his folded legs and under his forearms. Isak’s _scent_ is just so... spicy and wood-like and makes Even think of being in the woods in the summer after the rain and it's driving him _wild_ with lust and desperation to be fucked so _hard_.

“I could go into the bathroom? Give you some space?”

“No!” Even protests, just the thought makes him feel sick. Inspite of all, he needs Isak here, he realizes. “No, you don’t have to,” he adds, a little calmer. “This is fine.”

“Okay,” Isak says and releases a shaky breath. “I’ll stay over here, then. Fuck. This wasn’t what we planned, huh?”

Even makes a strangled noise. He's burning up. He's so hot inside and he hurts and he's on fire, he's burning up. He's dying, he's _dying_ . His lower body is a molten, slick-seethed mass of _need_.

Isak is gazing at him with wide, worried eyes. Even meets his gaze and it’s … it’s kinda _weird_ that Isak's eyes are showing such obvious emotion. It’s like they know each other, even if they don’t.

“Can I come closer?” Isak mutters.“Things are sort of easier when we’re closer.”

“I don’t know, Even sighs. “I don’t know if I can control myself.” He really doesn’t think he can. But maybe Isak can. Isak is so calm and collected, such a good, strong, controlled alpha, and he will make everything alright.  Even groans. Why did he think _that?_  He’s not into being dominated and controlled, so why is this show of alpha instinct so fucking compelling?

“Okay, I’ll stay here,” Isak says. He looks like he’s trying to put some puzzle pieces together. Even wonders if his brain is just as slow as Even’s. Or maybe Isak’s not hit as hard as Even with the heat yet.

Even presses his hands over his face and groans into his damp palms. Goddamnit, his erect cock is aching so badly now. His empty and slick hole is even worse, even more painful. He's seriously considering the act of shoving three fingers to the knuckles into his hole, of fucking himself with them and he doesn't give a damn that Isak's right there, that Isak will _hear_ him even if he averts his eyes.

What else can he do to alleviate the torment? It's not like Isak will do it for him. Isak is _straight_ . Isak is most likely persevering until they're rescued, until he can be with Jonas with whom he'll _want_ to mate, to bond. _Even_ , on the other hand, is in very deep shit.

Even can smell that Isak notices his desperation; there’s a new sting to Isak’s smell, but Isak still seems to be trying to stay in control. “Why do you think we react so strongly?” he asks. “I feel kinda sick when you’re not around, too. Why is that?”

 _It’s me_ , Even wants to confess. _It’s me and my hopeless crush that has spiraled me into this bonding._

Isak is staring at him again. Even doesn't have to look at him to know that Isak is thinking. To know that Isak is going to put two and two together, and arrive at the only answer possible.  And when that happens, Isak will just tell him to fuck off.

Even pretends not to know all this. “What?” he says at Isak’s frown, and tries to appear cocky.

“I just... can it be the beginning of a bond?” Isak asks. “But uh… that sounds a bit unlikely to happen this quickly, right?”

Even stares at him, and in his surprise he almost forgets the wanting ache in his body. “You’ve heard about how bonding works, right?” he asks. “Earlier they believed that it just happened during sex, but that’s not true.”

“I guess I don’t know much about it,” Isak says. He shifts a little where he’s sitting. “I didn’t know _that._ I’ve heard some stuff, but a lot of this is confusing.”

Even feels like he’s clinging to this conversation to stay rational. It kinda helps a little. “So you’ve just settled for not knowing much? I had the impression you like to figure out how things work.”

 _Shit_. That kinda revealed that Even had noticed Isak before. However, Isak doesn’t seem to react to that. He just gives Even a quick look, draws himself up and looks disdainful.  Of course; it must be galling for an alpha to be questioned like this by a mere omega. “I haven’t _settled._ I guess I just… don’t like to think about heats and stuff,“ he mutters.

“Why?“

Isak breathes heavily. “Well, I just don’t want to be controlled by anything like this,” he says.

“I get that,” Even rasps. Isak’s words sound almost too familiar. “I don’t like to be controlled, either. But it doesn’t go away just because I want it to.”

Isak looks at him. "I am sorry, Even."

Even doesn't know what precisely Isak is apologizing for. Is Isak apologizing for the bond itself? Is Isak apologizing for them bonding so early? For Even not being Jonas?

Either way, the cold, blistering fact is Isak is sorry, and it can mean only one thing: he doesn't want this bond with Even. Isak is sorry that this bond even exists between them; Isak must want the bond with Jonas instead of him. Maybe they already do have a bond, and this bond with Even is just some … aberration. Some disgusting thing. Like him.

Even tries to shake it off ( _don’t say that_ , his mom would say, _you’re a treasure and you’re loved_ ). “It’s okay,” he says. “It’s going to be okay.”

A new wave of want goes through him, almost like the world tries to tell him that he’s wrong.

Isak seems lost in his own thoughts. “Yeah. I guess. Also, the whole thing has been looked at as a shameful thing in my family. The heats and everything are believed to be sin, because we can’t control ourselves.”

He shuts his mouth, and blushes, looking like he feels like he’s said too much.

“A sin?” Even smiles. “Are you like born with a sin, then?”

Isak shrugs. “I suppose everything will be fine if I find a girl to marry,” he says. “And according to the church, preferably an omega girl. So I guess it’s not bad that I’m alpha. It’s the heats and the lust and the lack of control they don’t like. And the fucking.”

“Do you care about what they think?”

“I don’t know. The worst part is that I don’t know what will happen.” Even sees Isak's throat work in one long, visible swallow. "I’ve heard that some alphas, in the final part of the heat, will not care for their mate's well-being. They will be selfish and possibly lost to their mate's condition. That scares me."

Even's half amused smile flees from his face. His insides shiver and whirl. The screwed-up part is, he can't tell whether it's from fear ... or from excitement. What would it be like to experience an Isak who is lost in a sexual lust?

And what the hell is wrong with him that he wants Isak to lose control like that? This fucking heat, messing with his mind and body, making him lose control over himself.

They have to get out of here soon. Even hasn't shoved any fingers into his slick-soaked pants and hole so far, but he’s damn close. He can hold out, though. He can. He just has to wait long enough for them to get the hell out of here. He can _do_ this.

Isak's eyes are shut, but his forehead is creased and his eyebrows are drawn together in a frown. He’s maybe still confused about the whole bonding thing.

Even realizes that he needs to tell him. "Isak," he says in a low voice.

Isak's eyes are open again. He is still frowning. His hands – those lovely, long-fingered hands – are balled up into fists. His arms are crossed at the wrists, over his groin.

"Isak, it may be… my fault that we’re here like this," Even admits. He needs to pause for a moment to control his breathing.

"What do you mean?"

"Heats can be... transferred to others through the bond. It’s... possible that we have one and that my heat initiated your heat."

Isak blinks. Then blinks again.

Even gets that he’s surprised. This is not something people talk much about. Maybe because the bonds don’t follow the restrictions in the society. Alphas can bond with alphas and omegas with omegas and whoever, really. The bonding doesn’t care about expectations from the church or people in general.

"Wait." Isak blinks a third time. He stands straighter against the wall. "Wait, you … can the heat be like jumpstarted through a _bond_?"

“Yeah, I think so”.

_Because I am falling in love with you._

A part of him yearns to tell Isak. But he can't. Not when Isak loves and is in love with someone else. It wouldn't be fair to Isak, Jonas or even himself.

Isak stares at Even with wide eyes of astonishment. “I did feel the beginning of the heat before I met you on the tram, but I guess the bond could have sped things up,” he says, and swallows hard.

“Yeah. We don’t know for sure that it’s a bond, though. It’s just my guess,” Even says.

“Okay. Right. Thanks for telling me.” Isak looks a little dizzy.

"Okay. So," Even says with confidence he doesn't feel, with lust and shame he hopes isn't blaring from his eyes or face. "How long have we got until we’re too far gone to make rational decisions?"

Isak stares at the floor. "We can’t really know for sure. But have you felt very rational today at all?”

Even bites his lower lip. "Uhm, no. But I can still think, I’m not totally gone.” He looks at Isak, searches his face as if he’ll have the answers to everything (and what sort of omega bullshit is _that?),_ but he still presses Isak as if he will know what happens next, as if this isn’t _his_ first heat too.  “When will I be? I know that these things vary, but… it’s often four days in all, right? My mind just can’t do the math.”

Isak raises his eyes until they settle upon Even's lower face. It's probably the heat messing with him, it has to be, but he can feel Isak's gaze on his lips like a searing brand.

"If it started this morning, we can maybe manage until our families pick us up," Isak says, averting Even’s eyes.  The confidence in his voice makes Even shiver.

“Until around four this afternoon?”

That feels like _forever_.

Isak meets his gaze and they lock eyes across the room. “Do you think you can cope until then?” Isak asks. He is staring at Even with those big, brilliant, intense, _beautiful_ deep green eyes that harbor such concern for Even. Concern that he doesn't really deserve.

Even lowers his head and presses quivering hands over his face. He doesn't respond to Isak, but that is an answer in itself. Cope without release? _No chance in hell._ Cope without literal fucking? _Maybe_.

He shudders and ignores yet another spasm radiating through his pulsing groin. He repeats to himself: There's only one logical option for Isak to choose as his mate in the heat: _Jonas_. Isak's boyfriend. Even wishes he had someone like that. No, he wishes Isak could be someone like that for him. Then Isak could fuck him until this whole heat was over.

Isak’s next sentence makes Even choke.

“We can help each other out,” Isak says. “I know you probably get wooed all the time and this is probably not how you imagine getting to choose, but… we can. If you want to.”

The lightning of heat that flashes through Even’s stomach is probably an inappropriate reaction to this kind of thing, but Even can't help it. He can only stare at Isak.

“I don’t get wooed all the time,” he mutters. “I go on suppressants and I… hide.”

“Yeah, but you could, if you wanted to.”

“I suppose.”

Isak licks his lips. “So, in theory, it could work, right?” he asks. “Except the consent part might be a little blurry by now. For both of us.”

“Yeah,” Even sighs. He just can’t let go of Isak’s suggestion. Isak smells so good and tempting and Even’s cock is so aching hard and his hole is so slick and open and he needs Isak. _Right now_.

“I would like that though, if we helped each other,” he admits. He just can’t hold back any longer. He’s burning up. He looks back at Isak's face, and Isak looks so wrecked, and in that instant Even gets up and moves over to him. “I’d really like that,” he says, as he stops right in front of Isak.

“Oh damn,” Isak says, slowly, his eyes dilating and his nostrils widening as he smells Even. “You smell so good.” He looks like he’s making a confession. But then he shakes his head. “Sorry. It’s… instinct. I can’t help it. Don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t… what?” Even tries to meet Isak’s gaze. “You suggested that we help each other.” Isak’s admission about his scent makes him feel a little better and he somehow manages to give a crooked smile. “And I smell good to you? I kind of thought I might, even though you never tried to get my attention before.”

Isak gives him an eye roll. “Well, you hid your scent,” he says.

 _But did you notice me before?_ Even wants to ask. _Did you want me before?_

He can’t. Isak’s closeness is too overwhelming. He needs Isak so badly right now, it aches all over. “You’re in pain and I’m in pain,” he mutters. “Let’s do this.”

He puts his hands on Isak’s shoulders, meets Isak’s eyes for a second, gauging Isak’s reaction. Isak stares back. He looks surprised, but he doesn’t look like he minds. The flush of Isak's face is so dark and hot that Even wants to kiss Isak’s face and lips and slide his tongue into his mouth while he rubs his chest against Isak's. Even can’t hold back anymore. He kisses Isak deeply at the same time as he finds himself clutching Isak's broad shoulders, spreading his legs in unmistakable invitation, and moaning shamelessly into his mouth. He wants to be owned by Isak, covered in his scent and dripping with his come. Well, not literally dripping in come. He wants protective sex. But yeah.

Even pushes closer and he almost _dies_ from the physical contact of their bodies.

"Even!" Isak says and it’s difficult to know if it’s a warning or a plea.

Already panting, Even pulls his t-shirt up his heaving torso and over his head with both hands. He hurls it to the floor behind him and grabs the hem of his pants. He would have yanked them off too, if not for Isak suddenly seizing his hands.

“Wait, Even,” Isak mumbles. Even has never heard Isak’s voice go so low and sound so husky before. His amazing scent is enveloping Even and he’s drowning in it. Isak is staring at him with wide eyes. “I just don’t know if it’s right for us to do this,” he says. He studies Even’s face.

“Not right?” Even blinks sweat out of his eyes, wondering what’s going on (how is this even possible - an alpha who doesn’t pursue him when in heat?). Fuck, he doesn’t have the patience for this. He's panting and he's burning up. "Look, it's perfect, don't you see?" he gasps, tightening his grip on Isak's forearms. "If you -" ( _love me)_ "fuck me, if we fuck, we’ll get the edge off this and your heat will ease. My heat, too."

Something inside of Even cracks and bleeds and _bleeds_ when Isak squeezes those deep green eyes shut and looks down. “I know I said we could help each other but I just… I don’t think I can…” Isak says with that low, husky voice.

Even stares at him with eyes going blurry and stinging. Isak would rather wait for Jonas than fuck him, then. Well, Even can’t really blame him. “Is it because of Jonas?” he asks, before he can stop himself. “I can understand how it would be problematic to do stuff with me.”

Isak looks confused. “Jonas? No? Even, you are – you are not rational right now and you can’t decide something like this –"

" _Wrong_. I know exactly what's going on and I know _exactly_ what I want, Isak," Even says. “I get it if you don’t want this but don’t hide behind concern for me. This is me saying yes, I want this. Do you hear me?”

Isak stares at him. “Yeah.”

Even is shaking with anticipation. “Okay then. What do you say?”

Isak’s face is close. It’s so close. Even can still taste his lips on his own.

“Okay,” Isak says. His eyes are shut and he gasps when Even moves closer. It’s hard knowing that he probably really doesn’t want this. _I'm sorry, Isak_ , Even thinks, _I'm so sorry_.

“It’s going to make us feel better,” he says instead.

_And then you can go back to everything you know. And your boyfriend._

_And I can have this. And the memory of this._

That’s not much.

Right now Even’s too far gone to care. He needs this too much. He knows that Isak is only going to fuck him to get through this, and not because of any mutual feelings, but right now it doesn’t matter. He doesn't care what the consequences are, as long as he can see and taste and _touch_ Isak and keep every part of this in his memory.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is an explicit chapter, so if that's not your thing, avert your eyes now!
> 
> Also, yes, we added an extra chapter to the the count. There was too much to wrap up in one chapter so you get a bonus, yay!
> 
> A big thank you to our amazing beta readers, [Tuii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuii/pseuds/Tuii) and [PicadoraDK](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PicadoraDK/pseuds/PicadoraDK). ❤️
> 
> We would love it if we get questions or comments! Here's an [answer to an ask about our abo world](https://hjertetssunnegalskap1.tumblr.com/post/179920974170/aaah-your-abo-fic-has-so-much-sexual-tension-its) on Tumblr. It might answer some questions.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!

##  **Isak: An Idea**

It’s terrifying, the idea of losing control and doing something he’ll regret, but Isak is too far gone to put a real brake on himself even while he so desperately tries.  He’s had a lot of sex, a _lot,_ and it’s always been really fucking great. But he’s right on the edge here, very close to tipping into a space where he’s _not_ going to be able to control himself.  He’s holding onto his rational side by the tips of his fingers, and he can feel it slipping away from him.  

Even’s scent is overpowering and Isak has an urge to just shove his dick inside and thrust so hard that Even sees stars.  Isak knows that’s not right, or not good anyway. It’s Even’s first heat; he shouldn’t be expected to deal with an alpha who has completely lost control of himself.  So Isak maintains his grip on control, as hard as it is. It’s his _responsibility_ to keep himself calm and rational; that’s an alpha’s job, or so his mother has always told him.

Isak sucks in a breath, forces himself to sit back.  It’s not just the arousal that makes it difficult to stay in control. Being so close to Even is such a relief it’s like a blanket of warmth wrapped around him, like being swathed in summer sunshine. There’s no headache anymore, the sickness is gone and being with Even feels so _right._  

And Even… Even’s eyes are so glazed Isak’s sure he’s already getting lost in his heat and the thought scares Isak.  How the fuck is he going to deal with this? How can he be sure this is what Even wants? Yes, he’s asking, he _told_ Isak he’s into it, wants it too, gives him permission.  But it’s still a concern when Even’s so clearly not totally together right now.  Isak knows it’ll make them feel better; that’s the whole damn point of what’s happening.  And yet he’s still scared; scared he’ll snap, scared he’ll lose control, scared he’ll hurt Even and not be able to stop.

So instead of doing what he really wants to (rip Even’s clothes off, bite his neck, shove into him hard), Isak lets himself lean forward, lets their lips connect. It’s as gentle as he can make it, but it’s still desperate, needy.  Bruising. It draws a low moan from Even. And fuck, even this small connection is addictive. Isak presses their lips together, takes Even’s face in his hands, licks into his mouth. Groans. It’s sweet; Even’s sweat has pooled on his lips and left a residue.  It tastes like his scent smells and Isak can’t help himself. He drags Even forward, connects their bodies flush together as he sweeps his tongue in his mouth.

They separate, panting.  Even whimpers, his lips dragging on Isak’s as if reluctant to part when Isak pulls back a little.

“Even,” Isak sighs.  “Even … I have an idea.”

Even moans, his eyes are even more glazed now and his hands have slipped under Isak’s t-shirt to press bruising marks into Isak’s skin as he tries to pull him even closer.  That turns Isak on more than it should; Even’s so forceful and Isak loves the way that feels. “Fuck.” Even kisses Isak, dragging his lips over Isak’s. “Me.” Another kiss that sends heat right through Isak’s dick.  “Please.”

Their bodies are as close as they can get now, and Isak hisses his relief when Even’s cock lines up with his own.  There’s a lot of fabric between them, but as hard as they both are it’s almost enough. Isak’s other idea will have to wait, but this works too. They can get off, take the edge off the fever without anyone shoving any dicks into anyone else.  One part of his brain howls its outrage at that idea, screams that it wants to be fucking hard and long inside a willing omega, but the part that’s still rational is happy. That part is the scared part and anything it can do to make this easier for Even, and make sure Isak doesn’t completely lose himself, makes it feel satisfied.  

Isak has a weird protective feeling towards Even, one he’s never felt before.  It makes him want to keep himself together and make sure they’re both okay with what happens, but also to worship Even and make him feel good.  That part of Isak responds to Even’s desperation, and Isak wants to give him everything. Even lets out a needy moan and stutters his hips towards Isak’s.

So Isak rolls his hips into Even’s, hard.  He takes charge, does it again. Even gasps, his head hangs down and he presses his forehead into Isak’s shoulder.  It’s more breathtaking than it should be, feeling Even’s flushed, overheated skin on his own collarbone, and Isak can feel the shiver of his body as Even’s grinds back, his body seemingly acting without his conscious will.

“Wait,” Isak says, pushing at Even who growls his dislike of separation, rolling his own hips back into Isak’s in response.  “I want … clothes … _Even.”_  His words are hard to force out through the pants Even’s eliciting from him.  How the _fuck_ is he an omega?  He’s not shy about being in charge, at all.  It’s really fucking hot and Isak has to force himself to focus on what he was trying to say.  “I want to … _fuck,_ I want to touch you.”

Whimpering, Even nods his understanding but doesn’t move.  “Even,” Isak says, laughing. It’s a relief, breaks the tension, pulls Isak back from the brink just enough to stay in control.  “You need to go back a bit.” He pushes on Even’s hips to make his point.

Even lets him, only because Isak immediately drops his fingers to Even’s waistband and starts unfastening him.  He works quickly, desperate to get his hands on Even. Wants to see him, to see the red as his dick strains in Isak’s hand.  He’s not disappointed when he drinks in the sight as Even kicks off his clothes and sends them flying. It’s not as big as most cocks he’s seen, but Even’s dick is long though thin and it’s exactly as rigid and red as Isak had imagined.  The veins are prominent, and there’s a large bead of precome on the tip. Isak’s body shudders at the sight.

Isak lets his gaze drift higher to take in the entirety of Even’s entire fucking amazing naked body.  It’s long lines, sweat-slick, subtle musculature, neck extended in a plea. Without clothes, his scent intensifies, flooding Isak’s senses and almost knocking him off his feet.  A surge of desire slams through him and he’s desperate to push Even against the wall and fuck him hard.

As it is, Isak grips probably harder than he’d intended when he takes Even’s cock in his hand.  Even groans, pushes himself hard into Isak’s hand and hisses impatiently when it drags. It’s suddenly obvious to Isak why there would be lube in a room designed for people who produce slick, but he doesn’t have time for that.  He breathes out, imitates what he’s seen Jonas do, swipes his fingers around Even’s rim, and coats them in his slick.

Even moans, the sound guttural and loud, and Isak slips his fingers inside Even’s body to get them wetter.  The sound Even makes then, high pitched and needy, forces Isak’s fingers deeper inside, makes them curl up trying to find his prostate.

“Good?” Isak asks, and the half-dazed, half-annoyed look Even sends him tells him he’s ridiculous for asking. Even pushes back against him and it’s dangerous; Isak’s body is pushing him to shove in further, to thrust with the fingers, to fill Even up and make him scream.  

Even’s body is clearly willing, too, pressing down on the fingers and whimpering.  He clenches, clamping Isak’s fingers in place and making it hard for Isak to drag them back out.  But he does, and wraps them around Even’s cock again. The moan Even makes as Isak touches him sends a raw throb right into his dick.  This time the sounds as Isak strokes, hard, are slick and wet, loud against the harsh pants as Even thrusts his hips against Isak’s hand.  His own dick is throbbing now, hard and pressing uncomfortably against his jeans.

It’s difficult with one hand, but Isak manages to get himself undone, and shoves the jeans so they’re hanging at his knees.  It’s a little better with no pressure on his dick, but he’s still desperate for _something._  He has no hands left, though.  One is still wrapped around Even, stroking erratically, and the other is on Even’s shoulder, keeping him in place.  So he does the only thing he can, slides his hand far enough down Even’s back that he can pull him so his dick is tucked into Even’s hip and he can rub himself against it.  The motion shoves Even’s body into the wall and he moans, the sound just making Isak’s movements harder, faster.

Even’s head is back on Isak’s shoulder, stuttering breaths making almost unbearable patterns on Isak’s heated skin, and his pants are becoming higher pitched.  He’s close then; Isak recognizes the way Even’s body is tensing under his hands, and the whine as he gets close to orgasm. Isak chases his own release; rubbing harder, rutting against the hip bone, making Even grunt with every thrust against him.  

Even suddenly shudders, his body tautening, and his cum spills over Isak’s hand hot and fast, splattering in an impressive array.  Isak dimly notices, but he’s so focused on his own release that his thrusts are harder and more demanding than he’d probably do if he was more rational.  Even doesn’t appear to mind, pushing back against Isak as he thrusts. It’s not long before Isak follows after Even, and the relief is immediate. His brain loses the desperate edge and he relaxes, able to think things through properly.

“Fuck,” Isak says as he steps back.  “That’s … fuck.” he shudders, his body still reacting to the intensity of what just happened.  

Even’s still standing there, head down and chest heaving.  Isak reaches out and runs one possessive hand down his chest.  It’s new, this feeling. This need to keep Even to himself, make him his own.  But Isak shouldn’t be thinking that way. Even’s his own person, not someone to be owned by any alpha who takes a fancy to him.  Not even when Isak’s instincts are growling at him. _Mine.  Mine now.  Mine always._  Even glances down at Isak’s hand, still pressed wide and demanding on his skin, and flushes, deep red rising from the middle of his chest.  He pivots, steps backwards until his knees hit the bed and then falls on it. His eyes are closed, he’s still breathing hard, and Isak isn’t sure what he should do now.

So he kicks his jeans the rest of the way off and opens the cabinet again.  The packets of food are looking really tempting and his stomach growls. He huffs a laugh.  He’d heard you get hungry in heat, but he wasn’t sure what it would be like; he certainly hadn’t pictured getting really excited by prepackaged, cured meat, cheese, and crackers.  He rips open a bag with his teeth, though, and sighs in relief as he sees how much is inside. Opening another bag, he slips onto the bed next to Even and pokes him.

“Hey,” he says.  “There’s some food.  We should eat something.”

It feels, again, like a mating ritual but Isak tries to ignore that side.  They’re hungry, so they should eat. It’s not an aggressive alpha thing, even if he feels unreasonably proud to be bringing food to Even.  That’s just the heat talking and Isak would be doing this no matter who was in this room with him. Even or Jonas or even a beta. As if it can read Isak’s feelings, and wants to reassure him, Even’s stomach rumbles.  

He looks worn out, his body loose and floppy now that the tension he’s been carrying all morning is gone for the moment.  Feeling a painful swelling of affection, Isak pushes him until he’s sitting up with his back to the bedhead, then hands over the second bag of food.  He reaches over and grabs two bottles of water, too.

“We need to hydrate,” he says.  “From what I’ve heard, this heat stuff is really bad for dehydration.”

“I thought you said you didn’t want to know about heats?” Even says, laughing.  “Not researching this shit?” Isak feels himself flushing.

“I don’t go looking for information,” he says.  “But it’s out there so I can’t avoid it.”

Isak hears the irritated petulance in his voice.  He tries to modulate his tone a little when he continues, but figures he’s probably not successful when Even stops laughing and gives him a twisted smile.

“Relax, Isak,” Even says.  “I’m just teasing you. It’s _good_ that you know this stuff.”

Even takes a long, deep gulp of the water then, pulling Isak’s attention away from his own irritated feelings, and Isak is mesmerized by the way his adam’s apple moves as he swallows.  The brief moment of respite is gone, and Isak has to bite back a groan. Apparently, coming once isn’t going to do it for him. He glances at the clock. It’s barely 12; they have a long time left in here and the fire is starting to consume him again.  Well, fuck. Isak makes sure he eats every morsel in the bag. He’s not going to manage well if he doesn’t refuel. Drinking his own water, he sighs.

Even’s licking his fingers, tongue lapping at the long, sensuous lengths (and who the hell thinks of fingers as ‘sensuous lengths’?  Apparently Isak does when he’s in heat, which just makes him groan at his own pretentiousness), and the sight of it both makes Isak’s cock start stiffening again, and puts something warm into his chest.  What the fuck is going on? Heat sex isn’t supposed to be loving; it’s animalistic, primal, driven. But Isak’s urge is to protect Even as much as it is to drill him into the bed. So what’s going on?

He hasn’t thought about it in the heat of the moment, excuse his pun.  But maybe this really is a beginning bond. Maybe Even is right, maybe Isak’s gone and connected himself to someone else at the age of seventeen. The idea scares Isak enough that he tries to deflect it, turning to Even and checking in on how he’s doing now.

##  **Even: Hot**

Even leans back against the pillows in the bed, feeling relatively satisfied and full. Isak has been very gentle with him and it makes him feel strangely emotional. He can hardly believe what just happened. He’s had _Isak_ in his embrace, and they’ve been more intimate than Even ever thought was possible. Heat or not, it felt so good, and so _right_. It still does. “Okay, this isn’t too bad,” he admits.

Isak moves closer to him, kissing his burning face, "I bet that first round and the food took the edge off, baby."

"Don't–" Even huffs. _I’m not your baby,_ he thinks. _I’m not just a treasure, either, and not just an omega._ “I’m not a ‘baby,’” he says instead. Deep down he would love to be Isak’s baby, but that’s another story.

Isak stares at him. ”No of course not, Even.”

Isak is right though; their round took the edge off and Even doesn’t feel as desperate as earlier. The fact that he has a brain that manages to protest anything at all kinda proves that. He's still keyed up, though, the heat running rampant through his blood. Isak still smells incredible, his scent is thick and warm and dark, and Even licks his lips. “We can do more, right?” he asks, trying not to sound too eager. ”We can keep helping each other?”

His body tells him that they definitely should. The desperation has left him but the sweet smell of Isak and the warmth from him make Evens limbs sing for more. His hole is still slick-wet and it’s aching to be filled.

Isak looks very calm as he avoids Even’s eyes, and suddenly Even fears that Isak doesn’t want more at all. "Well..." Isak mutters. He has shut his eyes, and he looks like he can't stand the sight of a naked, heat-mad Even, like he'd rather be anywhere but here.

Even feels needy and horrible. "It’s okay," he says, with a sinking heart. "We can just chill if you like. I can find my clothes." He doubts that it’s true, of course. His body is already screaming for more and his dick is already half hard.  Not to mention the wave of sadness that swamps him at the thought of not being with Isak again. The idea of moving away, separating, sends a panicked shock through his body.

"Even," Isak says with that low, _low_ and husky voice, opening his eyes to a squint. "I just don’t want to hurt you."

Even glares at him. “You won’t,” he says. _Not more than you already have, anyway._ Nothing hurts as much as knowing that Isak doesn't want Even the way Even wants him. Or knowing that Isak most likely doesn't want the bond between them. Isak has something going on with that Jonas guy, after all. And when they talked about the bond earlier, he didn’t seem enthusiastic about it. Even looks down and stares at his hands. It doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter.  He knows what the deal is, right now. To get through this.

Isak rests his hand on Even’s thighs. Then he reaches up and caresses Even’s cheek (and Even must be imagining the tenderness in that touch, he _must_ be). "Okay," Isak says, appeasing, and darts in to kiss and bite Even's lower lip. He looks serious, focused. Again, "Okay," and his eyes are dark green as he's locking eyes with Even. He hands Even a packet of condoms. “I still think that you should take the lead,” he says.

Before Even can ask what that means, Isak turns around, bending over and kneels on the bed, leaning on his hands. Even stares at him, and at his beautiful back. He can’t believe it. _Is this really happening?_ Isak is offering himself to Even in this classic omega position.

Even shivers. He can’t help but tug Isak’s hips back and he runs a hand up his spine, rucking up his shirt. Even hears Isak sigh with satisfaction. Even's mouth is on the small of Isak’s back, biting and licking, as he reaches around him and touches him all over. His cock is getting harder again, the relief of coming barely a relief at all, and Isak hitching back his ass against his, makes him almost lose his balance.

Even fumbles with the condom but manages to put it on. The enormity of the situation hits him suddenly – he's in a small room with this alpha guy he has crushed on forever but who he doesn’t really know, about to fuck him _hard_. He can’t believe it, but he’s about to fuck Isak. His hands shiver as he roams Isak’s back.

He doesn’t quite get how Isak’s brilliant mind works, doesn’t quite understand Isak’s thoughts on this, but if fucking Isak allows them to have this, Even won’t complain. And to be fair, how often does an omega in heat get to fuck the alpha? It feels like Isak is giving him a gift.  For once in his life, Even feels treasured in a good way.

A wave of pleasure comes from Isak bucking his hips back against him and he sighs. Even's sweating, he's on fire and his vision is hazy and luminous as the slippery, rounded head of his erection prods at Isaks slick-wet hole. He rests his hands on Isak’s thighs, thumbs dragging over the skin there before they slide back up to his waist, palm the fine skin over the ridges of his hip bones.

"I've got you," Even says, and he’s kinda surprised over how warm and low his voice is, and how Isak responds to it. Isak’s movements and breath are setting a trail of sparks jolting down Even's spine. Even lets his long fingers scratch fine lines of heat across Isak's skin, tracing a line up the cleft of his backside, and Isak's hips hitch, shoving back for more of Even's touch.

“Even,” Isak mumbles, strangled, “would you just –”.

 _Fuck_ . Even flattens his hands against Isak’s back, and Isak’s back is dipping into a sinuous curve. And then he reaches between Isak’s buttocks, breaching him, and Isak makes a strangled sound. He's _wet_ , shit (Even didn’t know that alphas could get wet like this).  Even smears wet and musky slick all over the fine skin of Isak’s inner thighs, and Even's fingers make slow trails through his slickness, breath going short against Isak's back.

"I've got you," Even repeats, but this time he means it, one finger sinking into Isak's heat. It slides in relatively easy, crooking up against Isak's inner wall, and Isak clamps down instantly around it.

" _Even_ ," Isak rasps out, "come on, _please_." And he pushes his hips back in open invitation.

“Yeah,” Even says roughly, “gonna give it to you,” and pulls his fingers out. Isak gasps, and squirms. Even wraps his slick hand around Isak’s cock and gives it a tug, making Isak gasp again. “Wanna make it so good.”

“Yes,” Isak says, “fuck, yes.”

Even holds on to Isak’s hips. Isak’s pheromones are turning Even into a quivering, needy mess. This is so good. The weight of his cock is brushing the curve of Isak’s ass and he longs to knot inside of Isak, stretch him and claim him. His knot is maybe not the size of an alpha knot, but he knows he can stretch Isak’s alpha hole well.

Isak seems to want the same; there he is kneeling on all fours on the bed, bucking against Even.

Even starts rubbing the head of his cock against Isak's slick hole. Isak moans and Even teases them both, drawing it out until Isak's so on edge he looks like he's going to explode.  It’s not easy; Even wants to thrust in and race to his own release, but the earlier orgasm has taken enough of the edge off that Even also wants to play a little, to tease, to really enjoy this gift Isak has given him.

"Okay?" Even asks, one last time, giving Isak an out.

"Do it," Isak says, and Even leans in to kiss the back of his neck again. Then he's pressing in, his head stretching Isak's hole open, sliding in sweet and smooth and deep. He sinks all the way in, until his hip bones are pressed against Isak’s ass. Nothing else matters but the feeling of Isak’s tightness around him.

 _How can I be so lucky?_ Even thinks in a daze. He feels so good right now; his body hums with joy and he feels the connection between them from the tips of his fingers to the lengths of his toes. Isak is here, with him. He’s so beautiful and he’s everything Even wants.

Even starts to thrust into Isak, and Isak meets his movements. “So good,” Isak moans, and Even’s hands grip Isak's hips as he pulls out and slams back in, hard. “Fuck, so good.” Even fucks Isak hard and _merciless,_ thrusting into Isak and bottoming out at each thrust, and oh fuck, oh fuck oh fuck _oh fuck_ , Isak feels so perfect for him. Strangely, as if he’s used to this, as if he’s used to being the one being fucked, Isak bucks back hard against Even’s thrusts, meeting every one with force and drive.

The sounds Isak spills are strangely broken so Even reaches for Isak’s cock. And _oh fuck_ , Isak is so _hard_ , hard and _huge_ and seeping pre-come over Even’s fingers. Isak is reduced to searing, gasping breaths as Even curls his fingers around him.

Isak keeps meeting Even’s thrusts at the same time as he bucks his hips to fuck into Even’s hand. Even is panting all over again, clasping Isak's long, hard, thick, _glorious_ cock with his hand, careful with it as he would be with a treasure of limitless value. What does Isak _taste_ like? he wonders, as if in a daze. _Later_ , he tells himself. _I can maybe taste it later._

His own erect cock grows impossibly harder at the thought and his hungry, aching hole releases more slick. He wouldn’t have minded a toy shoved in there right now, he thinks, just to take more of the edge off, but the idea of untangling from Isak to find one sounds impossible.

The feeling of Isak is just what he needs right now, anyway.

Isak moans and shivers under him and it’s starting to look like he’s about to come. Even increases the pressure on Isak’s dick and angles his own the best way he can in an attempt at hitting Isak’s prostate.

“Oh, fuuuuuuuuck, Evennnn!” Isak’s whole body tenses suddenly, clenching, as he comes wildly over Even’s hand and Even lets out a shocked breath.

“Fuck,” Even groans.  “Fuck, you’re incredible.” He lets go of Isak’s dick, giving him a little room and time to gather his composure, but then he fits both hands to Isak’s hips and uses them to push Isak forward off his dick, and turns him around.

 _Isak’s face._ He needs to see Isak’s beautiful face. His eyes.

Isak looks wrecked. Beautiful. His eyes are glazed and his cheeks flushed. His hair is a golden curly mess. He breathes heavily as he stares at Even.

“You need a minute?” Even asks, shaking, trying to hold back his desperate want.

“No, I’m good,“ Isak answers.

 _Oh, thank fuck_ . Even holds Isak’s gaze as he pulls and spreads Isak’s legs up and thrusts in once more. _Damn,_ so good. Even shivers, and kisses and forgets himself in Isak. In the back of his head he knows this probably is a temporary thing, but he just can't deal with that now.

Isak groans, grabbing on hard to Even, and he rocks his hips hard, trying to get Even to do it again. Isak’s sweating, and Even bends forwards to lick it off him, biting and sucking at his skin until he trembles all over.

Isak is saying something to him with that low, husky, sensual voice. Even breaches Isak with every thrust now and Isak moans and _fuck,_ he clenches around him. Even gasps, as he keeps pulling out again and then thrusting back in, again and again, as Isak moans under him. The heat is building up in Even again, up and up and _up_ each time his cock enters Isak, as he feels the tightness enveloping him, feels the slide in and out. Isak is so beautiful and it takes his breath away. Even stares at him. Whatever happens afterward, he will have this. He will always have this.

Even's thrusts are determined and deep and fast. He moves forward, leaning his forehead to Isak’s. He feels dizzy, out of breath, and his hips starts to move quicker and shorter.

Isak pants under him, grabbing hold of Even’s arms so hard it almost hurts. “I wanna see you come,” Isak mutters and there’s something raw and vulnerable in his eyes, “I wanna see you come inside of me.”

Even gazes into his eyes. And it’s so much, it’s too much. He can almost feel his heart crack open. He shivers as he feels almost overwhelmed by the closeness. He needs to shut his eyes for a moment, just to regain some control.

His hips keep moving, but he can’t hold Isak’s gaze right now. Not with all his feelings. Not with all these sensations. Not when Isak doesn’t feel the same. Even can make them both feel good, though. He pushes his warm, damp face to the side of Isak’s neck and continues to thrust into Isak, harder, _harder_.

Isak clutches at the back of his neck and lets out a tiny, anguished sound as Even thrusts one more time. "Oh, fuck," Even breathes, as he stills for a moment. He can feel it starting, his cock is shoved right up against Isak's prostate, when his dick starts to swell with the knot.

"Evennn –” Isak moans.

"Yeah," Even breathes, in a voice gone thick and low, feral against Isak's blood-hot skin. "Look at you, Isak, God, just – waiting to be filled up, aren't you?" He grinds his pelvis into Isak's ass, balls nudged up against him, and Even can feel that they'll soon be stuck together. "Feel that, Isak? Feel my knot getting all big in you?"

 _"Shit,"_ Isak moans and he sounds like he’s close to the edge _again_. “You don’t sound much like an omega right now.”

Even smiles. As he pushes in and out of Isak he feels more of the new pressure on his dick, and a new need. “Fuck, Isak, I’m really starting too… I need…” he starts frantically, his voice barely recognisable. _I need to knot you._

Under him, Isak meets his thrusts. “Yeah, please, fuck…”

Even lets go and pushes hard into Isak, one final time. He strokes Isak’s arms and moans softly, and as if through a sweet haze he finally comes, groaning into Isak's hot skin. His entire body shudders as his dick pulses and fills up the condom inside of Isak.

His hips moves but now he’s stuck to Isak (and damn is this how it is, is this how knotting is? It’s so much more than Even had ever thought possible; they seem connected at every level). Even is lost in the sensations from where they’re connected, and in the lightning dancing up his spine as he comes and comes and comes. He leans over Isak, kissing Isak as his hips continue to pump, mouthing along Isak’s neck and shoulder.

“Even,” Isak moans, meeting Even’s movements.

Even looks into Isak’s eyes and allows himself to get lost for a moment in the deep green. Then he sees the desperate need in Isak’s face. Even's hand slips off the sweaty edge of Isak’s hipbone, thumb sliding down his pelvis. It brushes against the base of Isak's cock where it's swollen up and ready, and it's barely a touch, Isak shivers and moans. Even twists his hips a half-turn and Isak clenches at the crest of it, as he moans and comes all over Even’s hand.

Even groans as he notices that Isak’s orgasm lasts longer this time, with shivery pleasure that goes on and on. “Fuck, it’s intense” Isak groans. "This really feels... different with you knotting inside, damn.”

“Yeah… Uh, you never done this?” Even asks in a haze.

“Uhn… never... knotted,” Isak mumbles. “It feels – ah, so fucking good.”

“Oh,” Even breathes, feeling dizzy and so happy that he’s made Isak feel good (and also kinda enjoying the idea that he’s the first to do this with Isak). He's still pulsing come, the bulge of his knot inside of Isak as he spurts, locking them together. “So good inside of you,” he mutters. He still rocks his hips in small jerks and the sensations are overwhelming. It’s all about Isak. He’s so fucking amazing. Even didn’t ever think he could meet a boyfriend like this.

_Oh, shit._

Isak is _not_ going to be his boyfriend. It's just dangerous to think like that. Isak has someone else. And Isak really doesn’t need to get dragged into his life, anyway.

Even can’t think anymore. He hides his face in the crook of Isak’s neck. He’s still pulsing come into the condom. The heat seems to affect Isak enough that he doesn’t feel sore or sensitive after coming. He just takes Even’s cock willingly.

After a few minutes the knot is finally going down and Even’s dick starts to slip out of Isak again. Even feels strangely proud about the whole thing. His knotting is maybe not as long as an alphas, who can last 30 or 40 minutes, but Even's quite proud of the time his lasts.  Minutes, rather than seconds like a lot of omegas.

“That was hot,” Isak mutters. He looks a little out of it, like he needs to put himself together. He keeps his eyes on Even.

“Yeah,” Even murmurs, swallowing hard. His throat is dry and he licks his lips a few times, trying to gather his composure. He pulls away, cock sliding out of Isak’s body with a wet sound.

With shivering hands he manages to tie up and throw away the condom.

It _was_ hot. And intimate. And so satisfying. And damn, Even still wants more. His hole is aching and he wants Isak to fill him up and knot him. He wants them to stick together for a long time.

And Isak is just so sweet and smart and funny and caring, and Even gets this morbid want of curling up inside of him.

It’s probably just the bond, messing with him. Even sighs, wondering if this bond is just a heat-induced bond, too, one of those bonds that doesn’t last. He’s heard about people rejecting the bond, letting it die. Maybe this is one of those.

But still. He really, really wants it.

He wants to forget himself in Isak, to stay with him, _forever_.

He realizes, in spite of his reluctance to relationships, and his doubts about alpha omega relationships in particular, that he kinda wishes it was a lasting bond. He wishes that Isak wanted it, too.

Now how in hell is he supposed to survive this without breaking his heart completely?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Next chapter is up! Warning - there will be more smut. And more feelings, of course. Hope you’ll like it! :)
> 
> Thank you so so much to Tui ( [Tuii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuii/pseuds/Tuii) ) and Gitte ( [PicadoraDK](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PicadoraDK/pseuds/PicadoraDK) ) for beta reading this for us!

##  **Even: Again**

Even’s mind seems to clear up a little again after he got to fuck Isak. While Isak puts some clean sheets on the bed Even tidies their clothes away. Things are surprisingly easy for a little while. It’s weird how it’s become almost natural how they trot around naked, too. They talk about movies they have seen, and Even can’t help rambling about Baz Luhrmann.

 _“Romeo + Juliet_ is one of my favorites, you know. Have you seen it?”

He almost forgets the ache in his body, he’s so eager.

Isak shakes his head as he works to make the sheets lie evenly on the bed. “Isn’t that a tragedy?”

“Yeah, but the movie is so good. Such an epic love story.”

Isak looks confused. “They die, though, right?”

Even nods. He knows people seldom like tragedies, but they don’t know what it _means_. “Their love lasts forever. And the movie is amazing.”

Isak tips his head, staring at him with his deep, green eyes. “You’re not convincing me,” he says, and Even is surprised to see a hint of a smile around his lips. Like he’s daring Even.

“Well, maybe I gotta show it to you some day then,” Even says.

Isak smiles widely, even his eyes smile. “I think you might have to, yes.”

The domestic feeling of their talk makes something clench inside. It’s maybe just the heat and the bond, but as a partner Isak feels so _right_.

Even feels like he’s clinging to the normality of it all as he asks Isak about what music he likes.

“90s hip hop, maybe,” Isak smiles. And it’s so cool, because Even loves some of that music, too. And when Isak pretends to know about NAS, he’s so adorable that Even’s heart hurts.

This is so good. It’s almost too easy to pretend that this could be something more than just a… heat fling.

Even knows he shouldn't get his hopes up, though, and he wonders if he should get dressed again. It’s not tempting. He can still feel a need thrumming under his skin, and it’s slowly building up again. He’s sweaty and sticky, too. “I would love a shower,” he mutters.

“We could do that,” Isak says. Then he grins. “I expect we’ll need a new one later on, though.”  

Even smiles back, liking the half promise in that sentence. “True. Might still be worth it.”  

Isak stretches and groans, looking like he agrees. “Yeah.”

Getting clean is fucking heaven. In the shower, Even can basically feel the sweat and the filth slip off and go down into the drain. After all, even before fucking his heat away, Even's spent half a day sweaty and gross; he's absolutely disgusting.

“This is _so_ worth it,” Even mutters as the warm water falls over them both. He has his arm around Isak’s waist and it feels so good, being so close.

“To be honest I can’t believe you fucked me when I was so filthy,” Isak sighs, as he puts shampoo in his hair.

Even grins. “Well,” he says, calmly, “you didn’t seem to mind it either.”

A small blush colours Isak’s cheeks as he rolls his eyes.

Even is starting to be affected again by having Isak so close. And naked. Isak’s beautiful, and even the shower can’t hide how good he smells. Even has managed to keep his mind off his hungry hole for a while, but now it’s starting to really demand his attention. Even sighs into the falling water. There is that same ache as before. This need to be filled during heats may be a ridiculous remnant of the omega prehistoric past, but it’s still fucking real. He clenches his fists as he rides out the desperate shiver going through him. He bites his lip at the way he feels himself getting hotter, _wetter_. God, it’s back, no doubt about it, and fuck, it feels painful and good at the same time.

Even pulls Isak closer under the shower. He sighs deeply, breathing Isak’s scent in, his mouth open against Isak’s collarbone. Even shuts his eyes, swallowing down another groan at the contact. His dick twitches. He hears Isak make a strange sound as well, before clearing his throat and tightening his arm around Even.

Isak meets his gaze. “Again?“ he mutters, with dark eyes. He smooths Even’s wet hair back from his face.

“Again,“ Even breathes. He needs it. He needs the slow press of Isak’s dick, opening him up where he’s wet and hungry for it. He needs Isak filling him up, deep and hard.

“Not here though.” Isak says. “Sex in the shower is never as hot as it sounds.”

“True,” Even grins.

“Okay, come,” Isak says, his voice deep and somewhat rough as he lets Even lean on him as they get out of the shower. Isak seems affected too. He takes a deep breath, cursing under his breath as he presses his face briefly against Even’s hair, his hand tensing around Even’s waist. “Fuck,” he mutters.

Even finds towels so they can dry up, although he doesn’t feel like he has the time at all. “Come here,” he says, still shivering, as he drags Isak to the bed. The need is back in full force and he doesn’t have the energy to hold it back. “I need you to fuck me.”

“You are quite a demanding omega,” Isak deflects, without malice, his voice soft and fond. He follows Even to the bed.

“Maybe I am,” Even nods as he turns to face Isak. It’s kinda embarrassing how he needs to lean in and breathe in Isak’s scent.

Isak’s lips are parted and his eyes are dark and wanting but he hesitates. “Are you sure? Maybe it’s better if we use a toy?”

“Why?” Even asks, feeling a little tired of begging all the time. Aren't alphas supposed to be the ones asking for it? Yeah, that’s probably just another stupid alpha expectation, but right now he wouldn't mind it if Isak could pursue him for a change.  It feels wrong, wanting this typical alpha/omega situation, but Even is sick of being the one who isn’t wanted, isn’t needed.

He sits down on the bed, and he doesn't even have the energy to hide his rock hard dick.

Isak looks at him and swallows. “What if I hurt you?” he asks, sitting down next to Even. “What if I can’t control myself?”

Another shiver goes through Even. He shakes his head. “Stop obsessing about that. You won’t. I don’t think you’re as far gone as me yet. You have control and you won’t hurt me.”

Isak frowns.  He looks conflicted, as if he wants to give in and just do this, but feels like he should protest. “How do you know that?”

Even glares at him. “I know what I can take. I may not have had a heat before but I'm not a fucking virgin, you know!”

Isak stares at him, eyes wide. “Uh, of course, I'm sorry. I didn’t think.”

Even shrugs, trying to push away the irritable feeling inside. To control the need. He gives a half smile. “Fuck it. Whatever. Let’s find the toys then.”

He starts to get up to move to the cabinet, to find something that can plug him even if it won’t be as satisfying as Isak’s dick. But Isak reaches out a hand, catches Even’s fingers in his and shakes his head.

“No,“ Isak says, looking sad. “I guess I was too afraid of losing control and… In my head I made you into this delicate creature. I’m sorry.”

Even swallows dryly as he sits back down. “You’re not the first to think of me as someone delicate and fragile, and you’re not the last that will do that, I suppose.”  Isak looks so miserable it almost makes Even feel bad. “It’s fine, Isak. You don’t have to do it. I –”

“Stop. I want to,” Isak interrupts him. He reaches out and lets his hand brush through Even’s damp hair. “Gorgeous,” he mutters, smoothing his hands slowly down Even’ chest and stomach.

Even sighs. Isak’ eyes on him are blown dark and warmth spreads out from everywhere Isak’s touching him. Even leans into the touch, desperately seeking more. “Perfect.” Isak licks a trail up the side of Even’s neck and catches his earlobe between his teeth.

“Isak, shit—” It’s blissful already, but at the same time, Even can barely breathe, empty and aching.

They move back onto the bed, with Isak lying over Even and _o_ _h damn_. There’s probably a reason Even is cranky; he needs this so bad right now. He feels a trickle of slick and gasps for air. "Please," he clings to Isak and spreads his legs as wide as he can. "Please, fuck me." It's like he can't stop, even when Isak's other hand skims down between his leg and past his dick. "Please. Please. Please - "  His words are cut off by a yelp when Isak rubs a finger across his rim.

The relief is immediate. At the same time Isak is so close and Even feels like he’s on the edge of being too open and vulnerable. He wants this so much. Almost too much, and he’s never felt so close to anyone before.

Isak must see something in his eyes. “It’s alright,” he whispers, and soothes him. “I’ve got you, Even. It’s alright.”

Even blinks. _Isak knows what he's doing_ . It's suddenly easier to breathe. Even buries his face in the crook of Isak’s neck and inhales, drowning himself in alpha musk. Isak’s got him. Even's still vulnerable and still full of that desperate wanting, but Isak is going to make everything feel _good_.

“Is it too much, Even?“ Isak asks in a shaky voice. “Do you want to stop?”

 _No way._ Even groans, and digs his fingers harder into Isak’s shoulders.

“Okay,” Isak says, and kisses Even’s forehead, then his temple. “Okay, Even. We won’t stop, unless you want to. I’m right here. But it’s your first heat. If it’s too much, we can slow down—”

“ _Fuck_ no.” Even rolls his hips up, grinding his dick against Isak’s hip. “I’m so empty, Isak. It _hurts_. Need you.”

Isak’s answering moan makes Even shiver. Isak pushes Even’s legs up and outwards. Finally his first finger slips inside, and it slides in without much resistance. Even sighs with the relief. It’s immediately perfect, and entirely _not enough_. Even’s hips jerk as much as they can under Isak’s weight. He moans when Isak pushes in a second finger.

Isak kisses him and Even moans into the kiss and rocks his hips up. And he knows Isak’s murmuring something low and rough in return, probably more sensible than Even can manage right now. Isak’s voice makes him feel good, even if he doesn’t care what’s being said.

Isak’s eyes are so green and dark over him. Even hardly registers as Isak puts on a condom and prepares himself. He gasps as Isak’s dick slides to his slick hole and he clings onto Isak. “Please,” he begs.

Isak shivers over him. “Yeah, I know,” he mutters. He makes a low, desperate sound as he pushes forwards. And then. Isak’s dick slides in. Even’s choked breath gushes out of him as Isak thrusts slowly into him, centimeter by centimeter, until he’s deep inside. It’s so _good_. Even sighs with the pleasure of it. Now that he’s stuffed full, blanketed in the scent and weight of Isak, it’s like the worst of that stifling fog is clearing from Even’s brain. He’s at least lucid enough to recognise the strain in Isak’s shoulders as he holds himself over Even, and the lost look on his face.

“Shit, Even. You’re so— _fuck_.” There’s a faint sheen of sweat on Isak’s forehead, making his hair cling in dark, flat whorls. His chest his heaving with big, panting breaths. Isak’s staying perfectly still inside of Even.

Even shudders. It feels so good, and so right, but he needs _more_ . He manages to drag his hands up the back of Isak’s neck, combing through his hair. “Fuck me.” It’s more command than plea, even with the hot length of Isak’s dick stretching him wide, filling him up. Even’s voice breaks when Isak’s hips stutter, and they both moan, reedy and breathless. “Come on, _fuck_ me, Isak—”

Isak doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t really need to. The slow pull out and sudden thrust forward shows that any hesitation is gone. Isak holds Even’s legs as he continues to pull out and push in, dragging out and sliding in making the pleasure rush through Even over and over. Even rolls up to meet every thrust as Isak hunches over him, fucking hard and deep. Even can feel every centimeter, _needs_ every centimeter, to feed this starving ache inside him.

Isak leans over him, kissing his neck as his hips continues to pump, mouthing along Even’s neck. Even gasps as Isak thrusts quicker and harder.

“Yes, yes, _yes—_ ” Even gasps to urge Isak along. He tries to hold back, but the goddamn pleas and noises just keep pouring out of him; every time Isak shoves inside makes it feel like Even’s glowing from the inside and out.

There isn’t anything else in the world but this; Even is so full, there isn’t space for anything else. And at the same time, he’s chasing more. He needs to come, so bad. His dick is nestled between them but the sensations are just too light to do it.

As if he can tell how desperate Even is, Isak pauses, and shifts, reaches for where they are connected with his hand. Then he brings his newly-slicked hand to Even's cock.

“Oh look what I found.“ Isak drags his thumb up Even’s shaft, grips it. “You like that, don’t you?”

Even can’t answer. Isak is fucking him and jerking him off with slow, languorous pulls, and Even can’t really put a sentence together anymore. He’s incapable of doing anything except moan from the pleasure. It’s _so good_.

"Come now, Even," Isak says softly, and it’s not like Isak orders Even to come, but Even’s so fucking close, and Isak’s words, and his movements inside, and the hand on his cock… it all becomes too much and a slow shiver goes through Even as he moans and comes, wet and messy and long.

Isak grunts, breathing harder, as Even clutches around his cock. Isak holds still, his breath and the warmth of his lips burning against Even’s neck.

Isak gives Even a minute or two before he starts fucking him again. Even has no words anymore. Words are a strange, foreign concept that he can't make sense of. There's nothing in the universe but the touch of Isak’s hands, one around his hip, the other gently on Even's cock.

It feels impossible, but Even’s dick gets hard again. Even groans.

"Shh," Isak keeps saying. "It's okay, shh." Even though Even is mostly silent now, he can't stop shaking. "I'll take good care of you. Just let me."

Even shakes more and does let him, follows when Isak pulls him up, only gasping once when he realizes what the new angle is doing to him. Isak takes his hand off Even's cock and puts it on his thigh, steadying him.

He's fucking Even quickly and Even lets his head drop back onto the bed. Even melts in Isak’s hands and Isak groans an approval and grips him tighter, shoving hard into him. Even spreads his legs and arches up, welcoming him.

"You don't need my hand, do you?" Isak sounds curious saying it. "I can just go on, and you'll go off. Just from me fucking you. Won't you?"

 _Probably_ , Even thinks, but he can’t form the word. His eyes fly wide open and he lets out a soft, inquisitive noise when Isak stops, all the way inside him, and with a grunt, starts swelling. Isak’s eyes are dazed as he grips Even’s hips to keep him pressed tightly against his groin.

They catch, _finally_ , and the knot swells full enough to lock them together. Even groans at the sensation. _Fucking hell._ It's not that he didn't know about it but it’s a long time since he’s been with an alpha male, and never in heat; he couldn't have begun to guess how it _feels_.

Isak is inside him, solid and hard and _big_ , and the knot is growing bigger by the second. He has never felt such a rush of lovely warmth. Even soaks up that fullness, finally. Then he groans and clamps down hard on Isak’s cock, shutting his eyes as he comes.

"Wow," Isak says, but Even's coming too hard to care, his come splattering across their bellies and chests. He comes and comes and _comes_ and he's dying, he's in hell, he's in _heaven_.

He’s still clamping down, squeezing rhythmically around Isak’s dick, but it’s all instinct now. His body giving into the hormones, the endorphins, and milking Isak. Even can just lay back and let it happen; he’ll only cramp if he fights it, but he doesn’t even think of that now. He slips under, floating in bliss, and clumsily petting Isak’s sweat-soaked hair.

“S’good.” He’s slurring, murmuring, barely able to understand himself, but the urge to praise Isak is strong. “So… _oh_. So good.”

Even can feel himself clenching and releasing in waves as Isak’s orgasm starts filling the condom up, throbbing inside him. Even's climax starts all over again, a few weak pulses before he's finished, and left in a sweet daze.

Isak breathes hard against his neck. They're going to be physically impossible to separate for at least half an hour now, if what Even has read holds true. Alphas have bigger knots than omegas, and they tend to last longer.

Even knowing about the knotting, it comes as a surprise to Even when Isak carefully puts him down on the bed and snuggles closer. He shows so much tenderness that it’s almost breathtaking. Even snuggles back. Everything is so warm, so safe and sweet here, and Even lets himself sink into it.

He's too sated right now to think about how revolting he is to be _enjoying_ any of this when Isak is being more or less coerced into fucking him like this. But Isak is rasping indiscernible words into his neck. Isak is caressing the length of his limp arms, the flanks of his limp, gratified body. Isak is still deep inside him, filling him up, making him whole. Isak is still _bonded_ to him, if only in body and not in mind and soul.

Even is in bliss. Whatever happens afterward, he will have this. He will always have this to remember, when he can't touch and taste and _feel_ Isak anymore.

 

##  **Isak: Time to go**

Isak had known all the theories about what this would be like, had known about knotting and the connection it creates between partners.  He’s literally just been knotted, albeit by one of a shorter duration than an alpha’s. He’d known all of that and it still took Isak by surprise when he buried his nose in Even’s neck and drank in the sweet smell of his sated scent.  He smells like musk but there’s an underlying tangy scent that speaks of his satisfaction. Isak purrs at that thought, at the knowledge that _he_ did that for Even.  

He’s still deep inside Even, the knot holding him tight.  Their bodies are still connected as thoroughly as they can be, and there’s heat emanating from his dick, sending waves of pleasure through him.  It’s not like an orgasm, but a lot softer, comforting almost, responding to the slowly calming beats of Even’s heart that Isak can feel against his own chest.

“Even,” he sighs into his neck once he regains some of his composure.  His hands slow and then cease their restless quest to touch the entirety of Even’s body, and he wraps them tight around Even’s shoulders, pulling him close and snuggling into him.

It’s weird; he’s never been a snuggler.  It’s not something Isak’s ever needed from his sex partners, and yet here he is, desperate to get closer, to soak warmth out of Even’s bones, to keep him close and never let him go.   _It’s just the endorphins,_ he tells himself.   _A side effect of the heat; it’s not real._  The thought sends a wash of sadness over him and Even stirs under him.

Even opens his eyes, and meets Isak’s. Isak could lose himself in those blue eyes but he’s not allowed to.  Ths thought sends another wave of sadness through Isak.

To try to ignore the way this has to all come to an end, Isak smiles at Even, pulls him a little more closely into his arms. “Feeling fine?”

“Mm yeah,” Even hums.

Isak is tired, dazed and almost emotional, wishing he never has to leave. Everything feels so safe and warm here he’s snuggled so close to Even, sated warmth spreading through him, at the feeling of knotting Even. “It’s such a weird coincidence that we met on that tram,” Isak mutters, almost surprised at himself for saying it out loud.

Even smiles, and it’s a dazed smile. He’s feeling the soporific pull from knotting, too, then.  “Yeah,” Even says. “Do you believe in fate?”

“Fate?” Isak frowns. “Nah, I believe in science. Mostly things I can see and touch. What about you?”

“I believe in a lot of things,” Even mumbles. He looks up at the ceiling. “Maybe too many. But I like to think that I can choose my own life, you know?”

“Yeah.” Isak smiles a little. “That’s a nice thought, having control of what happens to you.”  He lets his eyes flutter a little as sleep starts to pull at him. “I like to think there are parallel universes, though.” He yawns, feeling too tired to explain more.

“Hmm,” Even hums, with an expression that’s difficult to read. “So you’re a science guy, Isak?”

“I guess so, yeah.” Isak rests his head on Even’s chest. Allows Even to tangle his fingers into his hair. _Damn_ , this feels so good.

“So… are you going to be a scientist?” Even’s puff of breath makes Isak’s hair move and his voice is a low rumble under Isak’s ear.

Isak stirs a little. “I don’t know,” he mumbles. “Maybe. I would like to take science subjects to learn more, figure it out a bit. What about you?”

It’s silent for a beat as if Even is gathering his thoughts. “I would like to take media. And then… I don’t know, either. Something with movies, maybe.”

“Cool,” Isak smiles. He snuggles closer to Even, pressing his body more tightly into the knotted union, and they are silent for a little while.  Sleep is a constant tug at Isak’s body now and he yawns again.

“This is nice,” Even mumbles, through a yawn of his own.

“Yeah.”

“I need to sleep,” Even’s voice is a soft rumble against Isak’s neck, and he smiles.

“You should sleep then,” Isak says.  “We’re kind of stuck here for now anyway.”

He feels rather than sees the puffed laugh Even gives, soothing on the still-heated skin of Isak’s forehead.  “It’s not quite what I expected,” he says.

“Yeah?  Better or worse?” Isak can’t conceal the vulnerability in his voice as he pulls back as much as he can to look down into Even’s face.  It’s not much; they’re still too tightly wound together, but it’s enough for Isak to read some of the emotions there, and he winces at the confusion on that face.  He doesn’t _think_ he was too hard or too rough with Even, but he doesn’t know for sure.

“Better,” Even says, his face smoothing out as he reaches up to kiss Isak.  It’s gentle, loving, completely different to every other one they’ve shared today.  It sits in Isak’s chest as a pleasant addition to all the other warm feelings that are sweeping through him and he hums his appreciation.  “Much better,” Even adds. He runs his fingers over the planes of Isak’s face, along his jaw, up to his eyebrows, down his nose. It’s as if Even’s trying to memorize the contours of his face.  “I didn’t expect this.”

“I didn’t either,” Isak admits.  “I thought it would be rough and … and just _sex,_ but it’s this and it’s so …”

“Nice, yeah,” Even agrees.  “It’s nice. I’m … glad it’s you.”

The words send a rush of joy through Isak and he smiles, lets himself soak in the feeling of being tied to Even like this.  They relax then and let themselves drift into a doze. It’s warm and sweet, and Isak should be cold, but he’s not. It’s nice to be held, Even’s arms wrapped around his back as if he doesn’t want to let go, even in sleep.

Half an hour later, Isak feels the knot starting to deflate and stirs into wakefulness.  While he’s a little stiff from lying in the same position for so long, and there’s Even’s crusty cum sticking them together in a way that’s fairly unpleasant, he doesn’t want to actually move so he groans when Even starts to shift under him.  It’s a real sense of loss when he’s finally loose enough to slip out and dispose of the condom.

Even’s sitting up when he comes back to the bed, massaging his thighs and wincing.  “Fuck. I think I need to work out more if I’m going to be doing much more of this.”

“You’re okay though?” Isak asks.  “It didn’t … hurt?”

“No, Isak,” Even says, rolling his eyes as if he’s annoyed by the question.  “It didn’t hurt. Not the sex anyway. That was … fucking amazing.” He grins, his eyes suggestive and confident.  “But the lying together afterwards, that’s a different story. My legs are killing me.”

There’s a dull pain in Even’s voice and in his scent, and Isak’s instincts take over again. His need to protect, to make it better, reasserts itself.  “Okay. A shower should help,” he says, and holds his hand out to help Even off the bed. “The warm water is good for this sort of cramp.”

“You know a lot about this sort of cramp, do you, Isak?” Even’s voice is teasing as he lets Isak pull him up and through into the other room.

“Fuck you,” Isak says as he turns on the water and steps into the shower.  

“I think you just did,” Even laughs as he follows him in, and Isak rolls his eyes.  

How did he end up with a dork like this one?  But he lets himself have this moment, lets his hands caress Even’s body as he cleans all the gunk off him, caressing between his legs, making sure he’s completely free of both slick and cum.  At least for now. Isak lets himself touch in a way that’s gentle, loving, not consumed by the heat. Lets himself imagine what it would be like to have Even as his mate, for real. Isak wants to do this forever, wants to worship Even’s body and run his hands over every inch, every day for the rest of their lives.  He wants to give Even everything he desires, wants to protect him, keep him safe and happy.

But he has no idea what _Even_ wants, and if he’s honest with himself, the hints Even has given haven’t been promising.  It’s a real laugh that Isak has been so vocal for so long about not wanting a bond and a mate, and yet here he is, in the shower with an omega, desperate to keep him and make him his own.  An omega who doesn’t seem to want Isak outside of the sex. The _really fucking great_ sex.  Isak’s body flushes warm all over again as it remembers the way it felt to be knotted, the way it felt to be buried in Even.  It’s not just strictly about the sex and the endorphins, either. There’s so much tenderness in the way Even has been acting that it leaves an aching pain in Isak’s chest at the thought that in a few short moments he’s going to lose all of this.  

Isak wants nothing more than to beg Even to be his and to do this thing properly.  But if Even isn’t into it, Isak’s not going to push. He’s not one of those asshole alphas who think they’re owed the consideration of an omega just because they got to fuck them one time.  He sighs, his hands stilling on Even’s body as the last of the suds wash away down the drain in the shower. This is a conversation they’re going to have to have. And Isak doesn’t really want to, doesn’t want to hear Even saying it’s just the heat, that there’s nothing deeper here.  If he doesn’t hear it from Even, he can keep pretending it’s not true and that they can move on from here. Together.

But he steels himself, and by the time they’re settled on the freshly changed bed, lying facing each other but not touching, Isak reaches a hand out to Even.

“Can …?” He stops, tries to rephrase it to seem more alpha-like, more commanding, but finally decides _fuck it._  “Can you come and snuggle?” he asks.  “I need to ask you something and it’s easier if we’re closer.”

There’s a flicker of something in Even’s eyes and he slides over warily.  Isak opens his arms, and Even cuddles up next to him, tucking his head under Isak’s chin.  It’s blissful, and Isak sighs again. Something about this feels _right._ Even’s skin on Isak’s feels real, like they should stay this way forever.  He considers putting clothes back on, but the idea of losing this connection makes his body rebel so he just pulls Even in closer.

“I just … _do_ you think we bonded?” Isak asks. He’s nervous, but not really sure why.  Even is hard to read, and he hasn't given any signs that he wants more. On the contrary, he’s been very determined about being in control, being the one to say and where and why. That _he_ decides who to fuck and all that.  Isak sighs. All he wants to hear is that Even feels it too and that they can work it out somehow, but he can’t say it.  There’s too much pride in him to allow himself to be the alpha who got turned down.

“I’m not sure,” Even says, and his voice is a low, thoughtful rumble that sends a pleasant heat right through Isak’s body even while his words themselves send a prickle of fear through him as well.  “And I mean, it’s possible it’s just a heat bond, right? I’ve heard those can happen, ones that aren’t a real proper bond.” Even stops, pulls back a little to search Isak’s face for something. Whatever it is, he doesn’t seem to find it, because he sighs softly and tucks his head under Isak’s chin again.  “If it’s just heat, it doesn’t have to mean anything,” he mumbles into Isak’s skin, the words muffled and almost broken.

“Yeah,” Isak agrees, though his heart drops and more icy tendrils sneak through his body at Even’s words.  “It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

He’s about to ask about the sickness, and the headaches, when a harsh buzz interrupts them.  Isak gets up and goes to the intercom, relieved to have something to do that means he can avoid Even’s eyes.  He doesn’t want to see the pity he’s sure will be there once Even works out what Isak was saying. He’s a fucking _alpha,_ for god’s sake.  He shouldn’t be feeling emotional because some omega doesn’t want him. No matter how desirable and wanted omegas are, and how much some small part of him wants to be chosen by an omega, by _Even._  If he was being entirely honest, Isak would admit he wouldn’t care if Even was an omega or a beta or alpha … even a regular.  All he wants is Even, and whatever else he is doesn’t matter.

“Hello?”

“Yes, hi.  Your families are here, so you can get ready to go home now.”

Even though he was expecting it, Isak lets out a disappointed breath.  He doesn’t want this moment to end, and he’s dreading leaving Even if the sickness is going to come back.  The idea of being in a full heat with all that other stuff too is horrifying. It was hard enough today, let alone when he really loses control.  He glances behind him to see Even gathering up their clothes and wrinkling his nose at the crustiness of what they had been wearing when they first got here.

“Okay, thank you,” he says to the woman on the other end of the intercom then turns to face reality again.

They dress in silence, and it’s awkward for probably the first time since they entered the doctor’s office.  Their movements are stiff and they don’t look at each other, or rather Isak doesn’t look at Even and he assumes Even doesn’t either.  

Isak doesn’t know how to say goodbye; how do you part from someone you were just tied so intimately with?  What sorts of things do you even say? He opens his mouth to try to say _something,_ at least acknowledge what it is they’ve been through here, but he can’t bring himself to utter some sort of banal platitude, and he can’t say what he’s really thinking.  So when they’re done he just opens the door and holds it for Even.

Even doesn’t move, and when Isak finally manages to glance up to work out why, he notices that Even is watching him. Even keeps his eyes steady, resting on Isak’s face like they are home, but then they flicker briefly and he looks away. He steps up to the door Isak’s holding, his face an unreadable mask.

“I … uh.  Goodbye, Isak,” he says.  “I guess I’ll see you next week, then?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Isak agrees.  His heart is like lead in his chest and he can’t bear to look at Even.

“Thanks for everything,” Even says as he moves past Isak, and there’s a soft hand brushing through Isak’s hair, lighting him up with a nostalgic fire tinged with sadness at the thought that this is it.  “I’m glad it was you.”

“Yeah,” Isak says softly as he looks up to watch Even walk away between his parents.  “I’m glad it was you, too.”

“Baby alpha!” Eskild says then, and folds him into a huge hug.  “How was it? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Eskild,” Isak says, wearily, as he pulls away and picks up his school bag.  “I just want to get home.”

Pain slices through his head and he frowns.  That was fucking quick. As if to mock him even more, his dick starts to plump up, and heat floods him again.  That’s just _great._  He’d hoped to have had at least a little more time before being pulled under again, but apparently the universe hates him just that much.  The sickness is here again already _and_ he’s starting to sport what feels like it will be another aching erection.  A wave of dizziness hits him and he’s left breathless and panting.

“You stink,” Eskild says, very clearly trying to keep things normal, and keep his voice light as they walk, but Isak can hear the strain that’s staining it and smell the worry he’s trying to hide.  “I think we need to get home and get you into something better before we all faint.”

“Fuck you, Eskild,” Isak says, but he’s grateful.  Eskild is trying to help, and his light chatter does serve to keep Isak’s mind away from his melancholy thoughts.  There’ll be enough time for those once he gets home and processes the idea that the guy he thinks he just bonded with doesn’t want the bond at all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! We decided we're up to date enough that we can post two chapters this week, so here's a bonus chapter for you all. It's a little smutty, a little feelings-y, and we hope you like it! The next one will be posted as usual on Thursday :D Enjoy!

##  **Even: Bond sickness**

In the moment he says goodbye to Isak, Even is hit with a sudden, sharp sense of terror. He can’t locate its origin, but the feeling is so urgent, he half-expects to be hit by a bus as he walks over to his parents. It takes a moment before he understands the reason. It’s the bond, of course. It must be. He feels sick, too, and his limbs are heavy and aching. His stomach tightens and aches and he feels nauseous and feverish.

His mom is there with her arms open wide as he comes out. “Oh, baby, you look awful, come here.” Even gets warm hugs from both of his parents but they hardly ease any of the pain. As they fuss with him, he throws a quick glance back at Isak. Isak seems to be taken care of with his flatmate. It stings that Isak doesn’t have his family here.

Well, it’s not really Even’s business. He stares down at his feet, thinking. His mind works as if it’s in syrup again, but it’s obvious that the heat isn’t over yet - he can feel it, an insistent hum overlaying everything. However, the bond sickness seems to be the worst of it all, right now.

 _Fuck_ , he’s really hit hard with this.

Even has in his naivety thought of most bonds as something unbreakable, something that helps relationships, almost like magic. He has heard that some choose to break their bonds, too, though, and it seems like this particular bond is one that will be broken. Soon, Even fears, it won’t just be broken, but it feels like it will be shattered into a thousand fragments.

He feels Isak’s eyes on him as he walks with his parents to the car. With each stride his mind becomes more clouded, more insecure, as if the growing physical distance between Isak and him is a sickness. Even wants most of all to run back to Isak to beg, plead, get down on his knees and tell him that their connection has a _meaning_ , that it’s not just “a heat bond”, whatever that means, but he knows it’s too late. Even had seen it in Isak’s face when he let Even out of the heat room. It was the face Isak wears when his ears are closed and his mind has put up barriers to new information. It’s a face Even has seen many times when Isak is with his friends and he’s disagreed with them. It shames Even to think how often he’s watched Isak to know his patterns like this, but he always turns away at these times and if someone pushes, he closes down.  So no matter what Even says, trying to talk right now will most likely push Isak further away.

And, of course, the situation with Jonas, whatever that is, doesn’t help. Although ... Isak’s reaction when Even mentioned him had been a little strange. Even must admit that he has  a tiny hope that Jonas _isn’t_ Isak’s boyfriend. But if that’s the case, why doesn’t Isak want to try to figure out stuff with Even?

Even releases a shaky sigh. It doesn’t matter, anyway. It’s too late. As the early evening sunlight falsely promises that there’s still hope, Even tries to lock away his memories of Isak. His parents stop next to the car to get in, and Even closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath of air, steeling himself to only think of his future from now on. He should forget about Isak. He can make his _own_ future, mould it and direct it. He gets into the car and tells himself that he feels a little bit more in charge of his own mind, body and soul. Well, as much as an omega man _can_ feel like that.

But why is it so fucking painful? He groans as the car starts up and drives away; his head spins and the nausea is overwhelming.  

His parents seem to sense that something’s off, or at least his mom does. While his dad talks about rites of passage and his own youth, she sends Even several glances in the rear view mirror. Even if she’s a regular, and she doesn’t scent like alphas, betas and omegas do, she seems to have a super sense of her own; her mom intuition. She lets his dad finish his musings, but then she asks:

“Are you okay, Even?”

Even shrugs. He doesn’t know how to find the energy to answer.

However, his mom won’t let it rest yet. “This is more than a heat, isn’t it, sweetie?” Her voice is soft. “I don’t know much about this first hand, but I can put two and two together. You have bonded, haven’t you?”

Even is grateful that her eyes are looking at the road. He feels the heat burning in his cheeks as he answers: “Yeah, I think I might have.” He stares out the window.

“Well, that’s not bad,” his dad says from the passenger seat in the front. “I hear that bonding can be a nice experience. But you shouldn’t stay apart too long, then, right?”

Even sighs, almost finding his dad’s cluelessness comforting. “People dying from breaking bonds is a myth, dad.”

“Yeah, I know that. But it does affect your wellbeing and... well, mental capacity if you  stay away from someone you have bonded with, doesn’t it?”

Even just huffs. Well, that’s one way to put it. Right now, he feels like everything is in a feverish fog, at the same time as his body aches all over. He grips his knees with his hands so they won’t tremble so much.

“I’m sorry if you’re in pain, Even,” his mom says. “Did you bond with that boy that you shared the room with?”

Even startles. He hadn’t thought that she noticed.

When he doesn’t answer, she continues: “He seemed to be a nice boy. What’s his name?”

Even swallows dryly, and realizes that there’s no use denying any of it. “Isak,” he says, and feels a strange relief as he lets Isak’s name fill his mind.

His mom meets his eyes in the mirror. “It’s okay, you know,” she says. He suspects that she’s trying to tell him that it’s okay to bond with a boy. She had said the same about what happened with Mikael.

Although nothing was okay with _that._

“Yeah, it’s alright,” his dad says. If you find someone you can love, then it’s a good thing.”

Even holds back a groan when his parents exchange one of those warm, secretive smiles they always think he doesn’t notice.

 _You don’t know anything about this!_ he wants to yell. _You’re regulars, you don’t know anything about the ache in the heat or the pain in the bond. And you really don’t know how it is to be different all the time._

It’s bad enough that Even’s an omega, and that he’s got bipolar disorder. Why does he have to be different when it comes to his attractions, too?

Even can’t have this talk right now, though. He’s basically come out to his parents but he’s not _ready_. “It doesn’t matter anyway,” he says. “Isak doesn’t want this bond.”

“Doesn’t want it?” his mom asks, surprised.

Even shrugs. “It’s just a heat bond. It’ll pass if we don’t want to get together.”

His mom looks confused. “It’s not _just_ a bond, Even. You know, no matter if bonds happen in heats or not, they only happen between people who have a real chance at making a lasting connection and having a relationship.”

“It’s still a choice, though” Even says. _And Isak doesn’t want it._

“Yes,” his mom nods. “It’s always a choice.”

She doesn’t say more, and neither does his dad. Maybe they sense that Even really can’t talk much anymore. His whole body is aching, his dick is throbbing and his hole is burning with a mild pain and an escalating _need_ . He misses Isak so badly already, and it hurts _everywhere_. Isak had felt so damn _perfect in him_ , filling all the emptiness inside him, like he was made for Even. But that’s not all. Even also misses how they talked, and ate together and shared the little things, even some of their dreams and goals. They had mostly been focused on their heats but they had still managed to get to know each other a little. And Isak had been such a caring alpha. Even can’t forget how Isak supported him and cared for him, and made him feel good. He can try to tell himself to forget, but the truth is that he’ll always remember that.

His sad realisation settles in the pit of his stomach, mingling with the arousal, the frustration, the creeping warmth up his back, the pressure from his boner and the ache in his hole. He groans miserably, clenching his fists.  
  
_Oh, shit,_ he thinks. This isn’t going to be easy. He shuts his eyes, trying to ride the wave of infuriating arousal out.

When they get home, Even is more than desperate to get alone. He goes straight towards his room. “I need a moment,” he slurs, (or more likely three days) and he’s too far gone to be embarrassed about it.

“Sure you won’t have a shower first?” his mom asks. “So that you can be clean and nice afterwards?”

And damn, yes. A shower and a jerk off, or maybe a jerk off and a shower, could ease everything a little. And then he won’t have to worry about spilling stuff everywhere.

“I’ve found the box we prepared for this,” his mom says and hands him the box with a couple of heat toys.

“Thanks.” Even blushes. He would have died of embarrassment if it weren’t for the fact that he’s grateful. He needs this so badly, and he can’t afford to be weird about it.

“l’ll find some snacks and drink for you,” his dad mutters. “I can put it in your room.”

“And I can help you to find something comfortable to wear,” his mom says. “Just throw the old things in the laundry. We know this heat has just started, so. We’ll give you space. Okay, honey?”

Even is dizzy and pained but he manages to nod and thank them again before he stumbles as fast as he can into the bathroom. He locks the door and lets out a shivering sigh. _God_ , he needs to get release. Like right _now_. He puts the box by the sink and gets on with it. Even’s entire lower body aches now, and he can’t stop shivering. He manages to rip his clothes off and whimpers momentarily at the feel of the air on his skin.

Even shivers and tells himself that it’s going to get better, that he’ll get release soon again. He needs something inside right now, someone over him, thrusting down hard and sliding in good and deep and right, just like Isak—

 _Fuck_. The idea of it is enough to make his dick leak, to make him hold back a moan as he presses his legs together. He finds one of the toys with desperate hands. Right now, he needs something to fill him again, and quickly. He doesn’t care what.

He steps out of his pants and gets down on his knees to find the right angle. He clutches the thing almost viciously tight, positions it at his opening, breathes deep. He doesn’t need lubrication at all. He’s already wet enough that Isak could probably slide three fingers right into him if he wanted. Which is a wholly inappropriate line of thought, _fuck_. Even pushes the long, thick shape inside himself. He can't help slipping out a slow moan. It both hurts and it doesn't, the pain of a pulled muscle finally released. He arches back, thrusting his hips, and _there it is, there he is_. The initial burn dissipates almost immediately, replaced by a sense of sweet friction that makes Even feel like he's melting.

It’s hard work to fuck himself, though, compared to being fucked. He sweats and his wrist starts to ache and it’s not _enough_. Desperate he shoves a finger inside himself alongside the dildo. It's just the right stretch, feels just good enough that he knows he'll be able to come if he just keeps it up a moment longer. He slams the toy into himself and almos sobs with the force of it. He can't stop shaking and his cock is hanging down between his legs, aching and dripping copious amounts of precum. He finally leans up enough that he can get his hand on his dick. And for a blissful moment, everything is about the pressure of the toy inside and the slick touch of his hand on his dick.

Even shakes more as the pressure builds and builds and he reaches the edge. He finally lets go completely and moans as he imagines Isak is here with him, fucking him and touching him with his warm hands. Everything is about those deep green eyes and parted lips and that look he had when he came, it’s about Isak being hot and full inside him, and everywhere with his caring hands and _yes, yes, yes._ Even groans and clamps down on the toy in his ass as he comes in long, hard spurts over his hand and the floor.

 _Damn_. That was a relief. Even breathes heavily as the aftershock of the pleasure rushes through him. It’s maybe not the same as being knotted, but it’s good enough for now. He removes the toy and gets up on shaky legs. He’s tired, but he needs to clean up. He uses his t-shirt to clean up the cum and throws all of his used clothes in the laundry. Then he takes a quick shower just to feel a little better.

When he comes out of the shower he’s almost too exhausted to dry himself. He still manages to do it somehow, and walks to his bedroom.

He doesn’t have the energy to put on a single piece of clothing. He picks up a bottle of water and a banana, hearing Isak’s voice talking about dehydration in his head, and crawls into bed. After gulping down the water and munching the banana he burrows himself under the duvet, trying to find some peace there.

He's curls up on his side in bed in the semi-darkness and he's still feeling the phantom aches of Isak's fingers gripping his hips, of Isak thrusting inside him. He's staring at the door wishing an impossible wish that Isak will enter. Isak is at home, though, probably sound asleep and not thinking of Even at all.

Even’s _so_ exhausted. And he imagines an alternate reality where Isak would want the bond that links them (that Even can't feel in the same way anymore, not like he did; the pain is still there, but not the connection or the closeness). He imagines an alternate reality where Isak loves him in return. And then he's squeezing his eyes shut and curling into himself and he's thinking, _stupid, stupid, stupid_. He's thinking, _stop it_ , stop being so ridiculous, stop being such a fucking sleazebag, longing for someone who’s _taken_.

Even knows that he needs to sleep. He needs rest so that he can stop beating himself up over this and he can get over it all and start looking forward. _Okay_ , he tells himself. He’s going to find a way to get through this. It’s going to be hell, but he’s going to try. His body still aches and he can feel a hint of the heat thrumming, but the relief is big enough that he can manage to sleep a little. And afterwards he’ll just manage to handle the rest. He falls asleep before he’s able to think another thought.

 

##  **Isak: Desperate times**

The car ride back to the kollektiv is miserable.  Isak’s aching for release (again! It’s ridiculous how quickly he needs to come again; you’d think three times would be enough to at least stem the tide a little), and he’s nauseous.  It’s an uncomfortable mix: so turned on he could cry and also desperately needing to calm his roiling stomach and/or sleep off this vile headache. He can’t move his head without the stabbing pain assaulting him, and the waves of nausea threatening to drag him under if he’s not careful.  

“It’ll be okay, Isak,” Eskild says kindly, glancing over at him before returning his eyes to the road.  “It’s only a few days and then you’ll be done with it.”

 _A few days._  That’s not exactly short, considering how many times he’s already felt the need to fuck today.  If Isak includes the one with Jonas, then it’s already four. A few days of this and Isak’s not entirely sure he’ll survive.

“You don’t know what it’s like,” Isak grumbles.  

“It’s true,” Eskild says, mildly, “I’m not an alpha or an omega. Betas do have heats too, though. You know that right?”

Isak groans. “It’s not…”

“I know, it’s not quite the same. But I’ve seen enough people go through this to know what it’s like.”

Isak doesn’t have the energy to answer. He stares out the window, but the view only makes him dizzy. “I feel sick,” he moans as another throbbing pain pounds in his head.  

“Hmmmm,” Eskild says, glancing at him again.  This time his voice is filled with something new.  “That’s not something I’ve come across, Baby Alpha.  It’s normally just needing to fuck all the time.”

“Eskilllld!” Isak moans.  “I don’t want to talk about this with you.”

But Eskild just keeps right on talking, and if Isak weren’t feeling so miserable he’d be hiding under the seat in embarrassment.  As it is, he’s mortified listening to Eskild explain the various ways an alpha can help himself (or herself) in heat.

“There are special toys, too, you know, Isak.  Things you can knot into. You know about them?”

“Fuck, Eskild.  No, and I don’t want to know.”

“Well, it’s your lucky day.  I happen to have an emergency one at home for situations just like this.”

“I’m not using your old toys, Eskild.  That’s … I don’t even want to _think_ about that.”

“Relax, it’s all brand new, still in its box.  I just have it in case some poor baby alpha needs one and doesn’t have one of his own.”

Eskild means, and Isak knows he means, that he went out specifically to buy one because he knows how stubborn Isak is about heat and things related to it.  It’s almost sweet in a boundary-crossing sort of way.

Isak has nothing to say about it.  His head is aching so much and the nausea is threatening to overwhelm him, so he leans his forehead on the cool glass of the window and hopes they’ll get home soon.  He just wants to crawl into bed, get himself off and then try to sleep off this damn headache.

He holds back a groan as another shudder runs through him. His boner is still achingly present and he starts to feel hotter, too. Well it’s called heat for a reason, it seems. He’s never felt like this outside of running a fever. Isak sighs, as he tries to find a better position in the seat. He hurts all over, but he feels raw and vulnerable, too, like all the fucking has somehow shaken him and left him unbalanced with his feelings in a jumble.

If he could just stop thinking about Even, and everything that has happened things might be okay. He wishes he could say everything is in a blur, but that’s not true at all. He remembers it all too clearly. He remembers all the fucking and the kissing and and the cuddling and the talking. And Even... Even had made him moan and breathe and shake and mumble, he had made him _feel things_.

 _Fuck_ , it’s no use thinking about it, though. He needs to get a grip. Pull himself together. During the rest of the ride he tells himself to just breathe and think as little as possible. He’ll be home soon.

“Helloooo Linn?  Noora? I have brought our baby alpha home again, and he is starting his heat,” Eskild yells when they get into the apartment.  Isak flushes; he doesn’t want them all to know what he’s doing when he goes into his room. Thankfully, no one answers and it’s clear that Isak and Eskild are the only ones home.

“Eskild, shut up,” he hisses as he grabs the box Eskild holds out to him with a giant smile on his face.  There’s no way Isak’s going to use that thing, but he’s taking it just to shut Eskild up and get his over-eager helpfulness out of Isak’s face.  “I’m … I’ll be in my room.”

“Yes, you go enjoy yourself,” Eskild calls from behind him, “when you’re done, we should celebrate your transition!”

Isak chokes at the suggestion, and by the time he’s alone in his room his body is flushed from head to toe, from both embarrassment and a desperate need.  Hissing at the way the harsh fabric drags over his stiff dick, Isak shoves his pants down and takes himself in hand. It’s not enough and his head sends a fiery burst of pain through him at the touch as if berating him for doing this alone.  But this is all he has, so Isak rubs his fingers over his slit, gathering the precome and then slides his hand down his length.

He tugs, and the relief is instantaneous.  His movements are soon hard and fast, bordering on painful as he tries to rush to a release.  His breath is short, and his chest is heaving and it’s _still not enough_.  He misses Even’s scent and his shiny eyes and and his warm body and the way he mewled beautiful gasps into Isak’s shoulder as they fucked each other.  Isak can tell his body is getting close, but he needs more than this, more than a simple hand on his own dick.

With an impatient whine, he throws his head back and sighs his frustration.  He pushes his jeans all the way off, pausing as he gets a tiny whiff of Even’s scent from where some of his cum fell during their first orgasm together.  The smell eases Isak’s headache and he rolls his eyes. _Of fucking course._  He grabs the offending box that Eskild gave him, rips it open and climbs back onto the bed.  

He thinks a moment, hating himself for the very idea, and then drags the jeans up onto the bed with him, too.  It’s gross, disgusting in just about every way, but they have Even’s scent on them and Isak will use anything he can to take the edge off the pain at this point.  It’s not fair, and he knows he shouldn’t be using Even in this way, not when Even so clearly doesn’t want the bond Isak thinks they share. But the power of that scent is too much and so he puts the jeans by his pillow and lies down again.  It brings the headache down to a manageable level.

Examining the toy now that he doesn’t feel so horrible, Isak shudders with need.  It’s spongy on the inside, clearly giving space to expand and to knot in, no matter how big the dick, but it needs lubrication.  Irritated with himself for not being prepared earlier, Isak leans over to scrabble in his bedside table’s drawer. There’s a mostly empty bottle of lube in there and Isak pours the rest into the opening of the toy and then shoves it onto his dick.  He’s so impatient, he thinks he’s probably fully into his heat now. He’s only relieved it didn’t happen when he was with Even because he’s still sure that he’d find it hard to control himself and not do something that would harm Even. He can’t control it _now;_ his body’s instincts take over. He slams the toy so hard onto himself that he knows it’s probably going to leave a dull, bruised pain later, but he can’t bring himself to care.  This is what he needs right now.

It only takes a few harsh slaps, the sound loud in the room, with his pants close to deep growling moans and his chest heaving with the exertion, for Isak to finally come, his knot expanding into the tight cylinder and making him whimper with how good it feels to be wedged in so tightly. It’s not as good as it was with Even, but it gives him what he needs right now.  He spills into the chamber, and as soon as his brain returns some ability to process to him, Isak regrets that he didn’t think to use a condom. Now he’s going to have to clean the damn thing and Eskild will know he used it and tease him forever.

He’s shuddering, still pumping into the thing, and his breath is coming in short, harsh gasps.  He can’t go anywhere for half an hour, and Isak’s free to think now, free to figure out what exactly is going on.  He misses the warm cuddle with Even after the last time he knotted. Misses the closeness and the feeling of connection.  Misses Even’s laugh and his warm, relaxed body. Misses the beautiful line of Even’s body as it melded to Isak’s afterwards.  Now Isak’s chilled, with everything exposed to the air and no body to press against for comfort and heat. He’s too tired to even wriggle himself under the covers, so all he can do is pull as much as he can over his legs and lie back.

This _must_ be a bond, Isak thinks; there’s too much that’s happened for him to think it’s all just coincidental.  The idea sends a wave of sadness through him. His crusty jeans are still lying by his pillow and it’s all he can do not to roll over and drink in the scent that whispers there.  Groaning, he resists. Even doesn’t want this, doesn’t want him. So Isak’s going to have to find a way to get through this. He heard once that the bond sickness drops off after a few weeks, and he hopes to god that’s true.  He can’t bear to go through the rest of his life feeling sick just because Even is rejecting their bond.

Isak regrets his choice to stubbornly avoid looking into what heat is and what happens.  He’d known it was coming but he was so pissed off that his body was going to dictate to him what to do that he refused to give in to it.  Now, he _needs_ to know.  Once he gets out of this damn heat, or gets it enough under control that he’s not jerking off every half hour, Isak’s resolved to research this stuff.  He needs to know what the bond is and how he can go about making all this shit less difficult.

 

It takes another day before Isak is in any shape to do more than furiously use the toy Eskild gave him or sleep.  The headache comes in waves, and the nausea is an ever-present irritation at the back of his throat and in his belly.  Eskild had forced him to wash the jeans, so Isak doesn’t even have Even’s scent to help him anymore. Thankfully, it’s expected that you take time off school during heats and so he’s been given dispensation to stay home.  But once the really desperate edge has worn off, Isak is bored. Watching _Narcos_ and eating gross junk food has lost its appeal.  All he wants to do is contact Even and see if he wants to fuck again.  But he resists; he can’t force his stupid crush onto Even when he thinks it’s just a heat thing and doesn’t mean anything.  Isak can’t let himself look that needy.

So Isak does what he always does when he’s at a loose end and needs to know something.  He opens his computer and starts searching. It’s not welcome news. Yes, the bond can happen from just a meeting at the right time.  Yes, the sickness wears off after a while, but it takes longer if you stay away from your bonded mate. It can be months. And fuck that for a joke; the desperation to fuck may have diminished (though it’s not gone; Isak feels the heat rising in his belly every time he thinks of Even, and he gets half hard easily), but the sickness is as bad as ever.  No medication seems to hit it, and Isak’s really tired of feeling nauseous so much of the day. The only relief is sleep, and that’s hardly any relief at all.

“I can’t do this,” he moans to Eskild that evening.  They’re sitting at the small table eating their dinner, but Isak is only picking at it.  The headache is at its most extreme level and he has no appetite. “I can’t do another few weeks of this.”

“Hmmmm,” Eskild says, eyeing him with concern.  “You say it might be a bond?”

“Yeah, I don’t know.  Maybe? It seems like it could be.”

Eskild looks strangely proud and touched and Isak wants to shut him up, wants to tell him that it’s not really like _that_ , he’s not gay. But the words stick in Isak’s throat as he realizes that the feelings he’s had lately are pretty fucking gay.

“Do you think you might be able to talk to him?” Eskild asks. Isak opens his mouth to object, but Eskild shushes him.  “I know that gross pair of jeans helped in some way, so maybe something else could too? You could try calling him.”

“I …” Isak starts, then stops as a sharp pain tears through his head. It’s like his body reacts worse if he tries to do something to push away any connection with Even.  “I don’t have his number though?”

Eskild looks very pleased with himself. “It’s your lucky day, then, Baby Alpha.  I got it from his parents before you came out yesterday.” He smiles at Isak. “You can have it, if you want it.”

“Fuck,” Isak breathes, feeling a tingle down his spine at the thought of talking to Even. Hearing his warm voice. _Fuck, I need that number. Right now._ He notices that Eskild studies him and pretends not to be screaming inside. “I’ll do anything to try to get rid of this thing.”  He holds his hand out and Eskild passes over his phone with the number saved.

Isak takes a deep breath, types the digits into his own phone, then presses send.

“Hello?”

“Hello? Even?” Isak asks, and hears a relieved laugh on the other end.  

The headache immediately drops away a little and Isak squeezes his eyes shut. He hadn’t realized quite how much he’d missed that voice until he hears it again. And, _shit_ , Eskild was right. _This works_. It seems that regardless of what Even wants, they’re going to need to forge some sort of connection, at least while they try to navigate this damn bond.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 7 and we're half way there! <3 If you have somehow missed that we posted a chapter on Tuesday, you should read chapter 6 before this. Just a tip :) 
> 
> Please let us know what you think! <3

##  **Even: The Call**

"Even, I really think you should contact Isak." His mom sits on the other side of the dinner table and looks at him like he’s being dumb. And he probably is. "You don’t have to be sick like this."

Even sighs, glad that his dad has left the table and that it’s only him and his mom. He gazes at her and tries to look collected. Rational. He’s more or less lucid right now, after all. It seems like the heat is starting to calm down, plus it’s not long since he’s had a release and he’s just eaten. He can think a little again. But he’s still only Even, with a slightly feverish brain; he’s not like Isak (and maybe that’s the reason Isak doesn’t like him like he likes Isak. Nevermind that Isak has a boyfriend, or at least someone he’s fucking on a regular basis). 

"I can't," Even mutters. He puts his fork down, unable to eat any more. His heat has maybe gone down a bit, but the nausea and pain have gotten worse. “If I tell him how I feel, he’ll think I’m some disgusting omega who’s out to ruin his thing that he has going on with his boyfriend. Or ruin his life. And he’ll never speak to me again.”

His mom sighs. “What did I tell you about calling yourself disgusting? Being an omega is nothing to be ashamed of, you hear me?”

Even shrugs. He knows she is right. He  _ should _ be worth just as much as anyone else. He only needs to hear it, sometimes, and now more than ever. The thing is, he  _ feels  _ disgusting right now. Helpless. Out of control. This whole thing reminds him too much of when he has an episode.

“Omegas should be treasured, sweetie,” his mom says, as an afterthought. 

And no.  _ Nope. _ That just sounds wrong. Even’s more than mixed up about how he feels about being put on a pedestal like some trophy for people to look at and admire. “Isn’t that a very old fashioned way to look at things?” he asks. “It’s just as bad as saying that ‘alphas should be feared’.”

His mom stills. Then she nods. “Maybe you’re right.” She takes his hand in hers and locks eyes with him. “It doesn’t matter how or what you are, Even. You’re one of the kindest, strongest young men I know of, and I’m proud to be your mom.”

Even doesn’t even try to hide that he chokes up. “Okay,” he says, lamely.

“And I suppose you don’t have to tell Isak everything?” his mom teases, as she takes their half empty plates and tidies the table. “Can’t you two just... help each other out?”

Even stares at her. “Mom!” he says, blushing.

She shrugs and smiles a little. “It’s just a thought. I hate to see you like this.”

“I can’t  _ use  _ Isak to feel better, mom.” 

He can’t. Isak should be free. Isak probably isn’t thinking at all about what happened in that heat room, anyway. About the bed squeaking under their frenzied, careless bodies. About Even spreading his thighs and hauling up his legs for Isak. About Isak, Isak and those green eyes and those warm hands and that long, hot, lovely cock between those strong thighs. He wonders if one of his toys ever can make him feel full like Isak could. He has a toy that is wider at the base, just like a knot, but he doubts that it’s the same...

_ Easy now. _ Seems like his mind is wandering again. It’s like he’s yearning after Isak, more and more with every minute. So much that this return to a life where he never can touch and taste and feel Isak again, is an absolute hell. 

Even stares down at the table. “Anyway, even if I ever thought about it, I  _ can’t _ . I don’t have his number.”

Then his phone rings. He startles and stares at the unknown number, and hesitates only briefly. Something makes him feel good about it. Like a sign. He accepts the call. 

“Hello?” he says and even before he hears the answer, he feels it. The tension in his spine eases.

“Hello? Even?” 

Isak’s voice. The ache inside fades away almost at once. Not completely, but it still feels  _ amazing _ . Even laughs, the relief making him feel giddy. His dick hardens in the excitement. “Oh fuck, it’s good to hear your voice, Isak.” He’s grinning stupidly and he can’t not smile.  His mother smiles at him knowingly and pats his arm as she leaves the room with a wink. “Shit, what’s going on?” Even continues. “Have you drugged me or something?”

_ Fuck, did I say all that out loud? _

He hears Isak laugh on the other end of the line. “Or you have drugged  _ me _ . I’ve been so  _ useless  _ since I saw you. Now I feel much better. It must be -”

“The bond.” It must be the bond. Even gets up from the table, and goes to his room.  Talking to Isak makes the urgent feeling inside him settle, as the same time as he feels good; aroused, excited.  _ Okay, calm down _ , he tells himself.  _ Remember Jona _ s. He can feel it now, how the bond pulls him in. Fuck, he’s missed this feeling.

“Yeah,” Isak says, sounding a little strained. “So, how are you doing?” 

“I’m fine.” Even climbs up to his bunk bed. “Well, I feel sick and miserable all the time and I need to jerk off far too often, but apart from that, I’m fine. And you?”

“Fine. Pretty similar. I think the heat has calmed down a little, but not the sickness. It’s awful.”

“Yeah.”

There’s another silence. Even waits as he lies back on the bed and stares at the ceiling. Listens to Isak’s breath. The almost euphoric feeling of relief makes him sigh, and just the thought of having Isak on the line makes him hotter. 

“That’s why I’m calling, actually,” Isak says. There’s a quiver in his voice. “I’ve done some research and I’ve learned something about the bond.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. The bonding sickness wears off after a while, but it takes longer if you stay away from your bonded mate.”

_ Oh, fuck. _ “How long?” Even asks, flatly.

“It depends on the strength of the bond but it can be months.”

“Oh.” Months? Even groans as he feels a stone sink in his belly. He can’t survive months like this. “That’s… too much.”

Isak sighs. “Yeah, so I have sort of a suggestion.” The quiver is back, and it makes Even’s heart speed up.

“What’s that?” he asks, clinging to his phone. 

“Uhm… I know you’re maybe not so interested in this bond, but… I wonder if you’d like to keep in touch for a while, just until the bond fades down naturally?” Isak’s voice is careful, guarded. 

Even can’t believe it. Keep in touch? There’s nothing he would want more, even if he’s confused by Isak’s reference to  _ Even _ not wanting the bond. Isn’t it Isak who’s holding back? “Oh. That sounds like… Uhm. I wouldn’t mind that.”

He can hear Isak breathing out. “Good. I don’t think I can take months of this pain.”

“Yeah.” That’s a little sobering, of course. Even is reminded that Isak mostly wants to do this to ease his pain. Well, right now it doesn’t matter. Even can hear Isak’s voice and the bond is there between them and everything feels  _ better _ , at least for now. Well, he’s getting hornier again, too, of course. Even sighs and tries to find a comfortable way to lie in the bed. It’s hard, getting his hormone-flooded body to relax enough that he isn’t constantly shifting and uncomfortable. 

“So, are you okay?” Isak’s voice is a little husky, and Even wonders if he’s affected as well.

“Yeah. Yeah I’m better now,” Even admits. And before he manages to stop himself, he continues: “This bond is a fucker, though, because even if I feel better, I struggle to focus.”

“How come?” There’s a hint of something teasing in Isak’s voice, and Even just  _ knows  _ that Isak knows. 

He feels the heat in his cheeks as he as he says: “Well, I’m lying here, doing nothing, just talking to you. Having a boner.” That’s really an understatement, of course. He’s hard as a rock and wet and aching and the arousal rushes through his body. 

“I know. I feel it too. Maybe we could do something about it.” Isak sounds amused, but he  _ does  _ sound affected, too. 

_ Do something, _ Even muses. They are both feeling better. And horny. And they’re both on the phone… Even bites his lip, hesitates. What if...? 

“Could we…”

“Yeah,” Isak interrupts. “We could help each other out over the phone. I mean, if you want to?”

Even sighs in relief and giddy expectation. “Yeah, I do. I really do.”

So that’s what they do. “We should get our clothes off, and find our… gadgets,” Isak says. “Wait. I’ll put you on the speaker.”

Isak is getting practical real fast, and the whole thing feels mildly surreal but Even doesn’t care. He puts Isak on the speaker and starts to pull off his clothes with eager hands. He’s too desperate and too dizzy to question what he’s doing. 

”Okay.” Isak’s voice is a little breathless on the speaker and Even can hear a smile in it. “So, what do you want to do, Even?”

“Uh,” Even hesitates, not sure if he’s able to say what he’s been thinking of for hours. In the end, his lust wins over his hesitation. “Uhm, I have this dildo with a base like a knot. I would love to try that.”

“Fuck, that sounds great,” Isak mutters. “That will fill you up good.”

“Yeah.” Even’s dick twitches, just from the idea of it. He almost growls when he continues: “And what do you want?”

Silence. Then: “I, uh, have this thing I can fuck into. And I might also want to uh...  finger myself. I liked when you did that.”

“Damn, that’s hot,” Even sighs.  The thought of it is enough to make his cock leak, to make him shudder.  “So, how do we start?” 

”Close your eyes,” Isak says, and there’s a new confidence in his voice that makes Even shiver. ”Spread your legs. Are you sitting down? Why don’t you lie back and pull your knees apart?” 

Even already lies on his back but he moves to lie more comfortably and draws his legs apart, air rushing between his thighs to combat the heat that has been blooming between them. Lying like this feels vulnerable, and the scent of slick rushes to his nose as he grimaces, fighting the temptation to slip fingers down to the source at once. He rests his hands on his belly.

“I’m… I’m on the bed,” he stutters.

“Damn, I wish I could see you right now. I’m sure you look so hot.”

Even is panting, his eyes closed as he is instructed. He tries to focus entirely on Isak's voice, though the quivering of his abdomen and the strain in his dick is hard to ignore.

He can hear that Isak is breathing hard, too. 

“Are you lying on your bed too, Isak?” Even asks, curious. Then he lowers his voice, as he’s getting braver.  “Are you lying there, naked, for me? I bet your dick is so hard. You’re so ready to fuck into me.”

“Damn, I love your confidence,” Isak groans. “Yeah, I am. I am naked and hard for you, Even.”

“That’s good, Isak. That’s really good. You should touch yourself.” 

Even can’t believe how good this strange dance between them makes him feel. They tease each other, and push and pull, and there’s a dizzying rhythm to it, at the same time as it gives Even the safety of feeling they’re equals. Not a lot of alphas are like that, not a lot of them are willing to give up control, but Isak is. Even loves it.

Isak is breathing hard. ”I’m touching myself, Even. It feels so good. And I… I bet you’re covered in slick right now. I love when your thighs are dripping – ”   
  
Even shivers. “Oh God, you can’t say things like that.” he mutters. “I mean, you can say it, I just… I need you so bad right now…” He knows he’s probably saying too much but he can’t help it.  He needs something, someone (Isak) inside of him. The arousal rushes from his ribs to his hips, plummeting through him. It’s bordering on painful again.

”I’m here.” Isak’s voice lowers, and the way he purrs has Even relaxing at once. ”In a day or two we can probably see each other. But for now, just listen to my voice and try to let go, okay?”

“Uh...okay,” Even breathes, loving the warmth in Isak’s voice. 

“That's good.” A pause. “Why don't you touch yourself?”

Even's eyes are open again in an instant, his fingers finally sliding down his stomach in order to grasp his aching erection, the simple pleasure of doing so making him want to moan. His fingers quietly work their way up his dick, his body tensing and shivering as soft sounds dance over the phone.

“Isak…”

“Yeah, that’s right. Gonna make you feel real good.” Isak hums, and from what Even can hear, he is possibly stroking his own boner. “I wish I was there with you. I would lay you out on the bed for me, and make sure you were comfortable. I’d rub the tenseness out of your body, and I know you’d beg for me to touch you, but I’d want you to be completely relaxed before I fucked you good for hours.”

Even hears the way Isak’s breath is getting ragged. He shivers as he picks up the pace with his hand. “Fuck, that sounds good, Isak.” he says, fighting to get the words out. “I can't wait to taste you. I bet you taste so good. I could do it for hours. Would you like that? Make you come with my tongue until you’re begging for me.”

“Fuck,” Isak groans. “I can’t… I’m gonna…”

“Wait,” Even’s getting eager. “I want you to finger yourself now, Isak.”

It’s silent for a beat and then Isak gives a drawn out groan, and Even can hear the soft sounds of his fingers slapping into his hole. “It’s so good, Even. I want your fingers inside of me, just like this.”

“Fuck.” Even’s head digs back into the bed, his body locking up in lust. He is so horny, so very deliciously lost in his need for pleasure, that even the way Isak speaks makes vibrations echo up his spine. “It’s so good to hear you talk like that, Isak...”

“Okay, okay, okay. You gotta find that monster toy of yours now, Even,” Isak huffs. “Before we’re both too far gone here.”

The sincerity and near desperation in his voice makes Even chuckle a little. “Yeah,” he says, and picks up the dildo. He doesn’t hesitate at all when he pushes it at his entrance. It’s slick, and tight, and the release in the slow burn is amazing. “I’m… fuck, I’m pushing it in, Isak, and it feels so good. So big, it feels so full.”

“Now, imagine it’s me fucking into you, Even”.

Even groans once more. The thought of Isak moving inside of him like this is so good… “Yeah, I need you,” he mutters, “fuck.”

“Oh, man. Do you think you can come soon? You’re gonna feel so good.”

Even loves how certain Isak sounds, like he  _ knows _ . “Yeah, wanna feel good.” He pushes the toy into himself, again and again and again. It rubs his prostate with every push, its solid weight thrusting against it over and over and over again.  Everything builds and builds and builds inside of him. 

In a daze he squeezes the base of his dick, stimulating his own knot, in the hope it might make everything last longer, with Isak’s knotting. Even’s knot grows under his hand, and he squeezes it in the same rhythm he fucks himself with the toy. It’s so good and noises spill out if him as he gets closer.

“Fuck, you sound so good… Are you fucking yourself hard?” Isak’s voice is breathless. “I want you to push that knot inside now, Even. Can you do that?”

_ Oh, damn, yes.  _ Even shivers as he mutters a yes and pushes the toy harder and deeper until the wider part presses against his rim. “Oh fuuuuuck, I’m...” he moans as the wide part of the toy presses inside of him. 

“Yeah, that’s good,” Isak breathes. “You’re doing really good.”

Isak’s praise, the pressure on his dick and the stretch inside make Even lose it. Shocked, he clamps down on the toy and comes all over his stomach and hand, as pleasure rushes through his whole body and he whines, high and loud and breathless. “Fuck, I’m coming…” 

Isak is breathing hard on the speaker. “Oh, you’re so good, Even.” 

Even still feels pleasure race through his body. He squeezes his knot, milking it, making everything last longer. “I’m knotting,” he slurs. 

Isak’s voice hitches. “That’s so hot, fuck.”

Even shivers as his dick pulses out another release. “Have you... found your toy, Isak?” he asks, still in a haze. He just wants to make sure that Isak feels good, too. “Have you found that thing you can fuck into?” 

“Yeah,” Isak’s voice is shaky. ”I’m fucking into it right now.” 

“Is it nice and tight, baby?” Even whispers, blushing. And then he freezes. Baby.  _ Fuck _ . He can’t help it, he loves to give the endearment. He continues, before he can think too much about it: “Tight just like I would be? Are you gonna moan for me soon? Show me how much you like it?”

“Oh, fuck, I’m starting to knot, fuck…”

Even hasn’t removed his toy yet. The feeling of it filling him feels too good. He hesitates before he admits it, but he bets Isak might like it. “I haven’t pulled out the toy, yet, Isak. I need to... feel the stretch a little longer. Like when you were inside.” 

Isak gives a broken sound.

“I wish you were inside of me right now,” Even admits. He keeps squeezing his knot, teasing it, and it keeps pulsing come. He’s shivering every time.

Isak’s heavy breaths and low moans comes to a sudden halt. “Even… Sooo good… fuuuuck I’m cominggg.”

The sound of Isak’s pleasure makes Even tingle all over. He knows that this is going to take a while, though; Isak’s knot will keep him stuck. “That’s good, Isak,” he mutters. “Now you should lie down and be comfy. Right?”

“Yeah,” Isak breathes, sounding dazed. “Wish I could snuggle you. Smell you.”

His words almost make Even choke up.  _ Damn _ , he wants that. He wants Isak there with him, in his arms. “Yeah, I wish we could snuggle, too,” he admits. He shivers as his dick pulses again. “But this is so much better than when I do it alone.” 

“Yeah, sooo good.”

Even pulls the duvet over himself and tries to find comfort, too. He can hear the shiver going through Isak as he pulses into his toy. 

“Are you still knotting?” Isak murmurs. 

“Mm.. yeah,” Even sighs. He’s keeping a steady pressure on his knot and his dick is still pulsing, but slower, now. “Won’t last much longer though. I just wanted to stay with you a little.”

_ Forever _ . Even wishes he could stay with Isak forever. He buries his nose in his pillow, imagining he’s snuggling into Isak. 

 

##  **Isak: Going back**

Isak’s breathing is still erratic, and he can feel the soporific aftereffects of his orgasm drawing him towards sleep, but he fights it.  He wants to stay on the line with Even for as long as possible, and not just because the headache is better when they’re talking like this.  Isak wants to know Even, to understand him, as more than an omega, as more than just a heat-buddy.

Isak pulls the duvet tight around himself and imagines having Even close. He still feels the pull from the bond, like a reminder. As if Even can sense his feelings,  _ (or maybe, _ a hopeful part of Isak whispers,  _ maybe he wants something else too), _ Even says, “should I give you some time to rest?”  The reluctance is clear in his voice, and it tugs at some deep part of Isak. “Maybe have a nap?”

“No! Don’t leave,” Isak says. The thought of ending the call terrifies him, and he can hear the panic in his voice.  “We don’t have to talk, just... let’s not hang up.”

“Yeah. Let’s not do that.”

The relief Isak feels from Even’s words is instant. He knows everything’s still up in the air, but he tells himself to make the most of it, right now, and worry later.

They’re silent for several long seconds as Isak feels the pressure of his knot inside the toy he’s been using.  Whether it’s Even being on the other end of the phone line, or because Isak’s heat is slowing down a little he doesn’t know, but he feels more at ease, more with it this time.  The fog that settled over his brain since he’s been home and been using the toy by himself is gone, replaced with a sense of fulfilment and delight.

“Isak?” Even whispers into the phone, and his voice almost startles Isak.  He’d almost forgotten he was in this with someone else, that’s how comfortable Even has made him feel.

“Yeah?” he whispers back when his startlement wears off.

“I’d like to … talk, I think.  Is that okay with you?”

Isak breathes out softly, trying to keep his giddy joy at the thought out of his voice.  “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“In the heat room I said we could maybe watch  _ Romeo + Juliet _ together sometime.”  There’s a vulnerability in Even’s voice that tugs at Isak’s heart and makes him want to look after him again.  It’s obvious that this means a lot to Even. “We could … maybe do that now? Since you’re stuck for a bit and all.”

Isak almost laughs with relief.  A movie. That’s a few hours. That’s a  _ gift, _ being allowed to spend that much time talking with Even.  “Yeah, sure. Just let me get my laptop and stuff.”

It’s harder than expected to waddle through the room still attached to Eskild’s damn toy, but Isak manages with one hand on it and the other scrabbling to find everything he needs.  Once he’s safely back on the bed and covered enough so he doesn’t get cold, Even directs Isak to a site where he can find the movie and they make sure they’ve got them synced together.

“You’re going to love this,” Even says confidently as they press play and Isak scoffs but that’s mostly for show and Even laughs softly as if he understands that.  The movie is a tragedy, and a romance. Two things Isak finds really unappealing. But it’s Even’s favorite movie and there’s no way Isak is going to miss this, not when it’s Even opening up some part of his soul to Isak in this small way.

Almost instantly, Isak can see the appeal to Even.  It’s loud, vibrant, oversaturated. The music thrums insistently and the characters love with passion and heart.  There’s so much joy and life in this world, and it does remind him of Even. It all makes the inevitable tragedy of the ending that much worse and Isak can’t help himself.  He’s sniffling, trying desperately not to allow the tears to fall.

“Fuck you, asshole,” he finally manages to get out through a choked up voice.”

Even’s voice is a humming whisper at the other end of the line.  “You liked it.”

“I fucking loved it, but that was fucked up, man.”  Isak shuts his eyes against the intrusive memory of his mother when she told him about the beautiful omega girl he’d marry one day and the huge smile she’d had on her face when she’d reminded him that it’s God’s will.  He shudders when he thinks about the way he’s sure she’ll react when he tells her he doesn’t really want a nice omega, not a female one anyway. He wipes the tears away before continuing. “They died because their parents were assholes who couldn’t accept them.”

“They stay together forever, though, that’s the beauty of the bond,” Even says.  “In death they have life.”

Sucking in a deep, quivering breath, Isak forces out a shaky laugh.  “That’s so pretentious.”

There’s a silence on the other end of the line, apart from the soft cadence of Even’s breathing, reassuring in the dimness that’s seeped into Isak’s room as evening approached.  

“I knew it’d make you feel,” Even says eventually in the quietest, gentlest voice Isak has ever heard.  

Isak lets his acknowledgement of the thought sit between them in the silence.  Eventually, he smiles and says, “thank you for sharing it with me.”

He barely hears Even saying, “thank you for watching it,” and wonders if he was even meant to hear it at all.  There’s a deep emotion in Even’s voice and he seems to have let his guard down in a way he seldom had before.

They keep talking and whispering to each other after that through the whole evening. They clean up, eat, and watch another movie together, this one a silly comedy (with no ounce of tragedy at all on Isak’s insistence).  It seems like neither of them wants to end the call. They do everything together for the rest of that night. It almost feels domestic.

Making the phone call had been both the greatest and worst experience Isak has had since he’d come home.  He feels a lot closer to Even, and in a weird way the talking and movie watching was a lot more intimate than the phone sex.  Even’s laugh, his charisma, and his gentle teasing while they watched made Isak’s insides melt and he’s so  _ fucked _ now.  Even doesn’t want this bond they have but with every passing second, Isak is realizing that he  _ really _ does.  

It’s more than sex and heat; it’s who Even is and how he makes Isak feel.  But there’s still a part of him that feels like Even is holding back.  _ It’s the bond,  _ he thinks, his stomach twisting miserably.   _ Even doesn’t want the bond, remember. _  It hurts, more than Isak had ever thought it could.  He’s been so against this whole heat-and-bond process, but knowing Even has made it all seem worth it, maybe.  It’s not like Isak expected it would be, with a submissive and scared omega and Isak’s own aggressive alpha instincts kicking in to push too hard and too fast.  Instead, Even gave as good as he got; there was no ‘submissive’ omega vibe and so Isak was able to relax. He thinks he’ll probably be able to relax again when (if) they’re ever in the same place at the same time for more sex.  And  _ that’s _ a presumptuous thought if Isak ever had one.  Even doesn’t seem to want this; why would he want sex with Isak when he’s not in heat?

The other issue this whole thing is bringing to the fore is that Isak might have to admit that he’s a little gay.  For Even, anyway ( _ and Jonas, _ his dickhead brain reminds him;  _ there was Jonas too _ ).  He can’t really pretend that the alpha sex hookups are just friendly, not anymore.  Not when Even and his beautiful body, charming laugh, and energetic personality is right there at the front of Isak’s mind every minute since they parted.  He can’t keep fucking Jonas, Isak decides. Jonas doesn’t see it the way Isak does; he still sees the situation as fuck buddies, release, no big deal. It’s not fair to Jonas to pretend Isak still does too.

The problem, of course, is how to say that.  How do you tell your best friend that you don’t want to fuck him anymore?  Without letting on that it’s because you have a bond with another guy. Or … not that it’s a guy, exactly (though Isak isn’t looking forward to  _ that _ conversation with Jonas either), but that Isak, who has been so against bonding, has bonded and is messed up because his bondmate has rejected what they have together.  What sort of weak bullshit? Isak shudders. But he has to say something. This isn’t the sort of thing he can keep to himself and pretend away.

A dull thud thumps in Isaks head and he groans.  He wishes he could have stayed on the phone with Even all night.  Maybe they can try that tomorrow, he thinks. What would leaving the phone on next to his ear do for the sickness?  It might be worth a try, but in the meantime the return of the throbbing pain and nausea is almost a shock after having it dulled for so long by talking to Even.

 

Two days later and Isak finds himself back in the same doctor’s office.  It’s his first day back at school and while the heat has dropped to a manageable level, the sickness sure hasn’t.  No painkiller has touched the damn thing and Isak wants to scream because of the pain. It’s so much more intense now that the heat stuff has mostly dissipated.  Worse, the office itself holds so many memories that Isak can’t help the flush of embarrassment he feels as he enters. The subdued lighting and tinkling fish tank are such stark reminders that he was in heat last time he was here, that he was with Even.  

Being reminded of Even is not helping at all.  They had experimented with sleeping with their phones still on and it  _ had _ helped dull the pain, at least enough to sleep more soundly.  But there’s still a strain and a tension there between them. Isak knows it’s because he can’t stop the want he’s feeling.  He can’t stop the idea that he really wants to be with Even forever, and he’s sure Even can sense it. The rational side of Isak’s brain helpfully reminds him that feeling this way is the stupidest thing.  They met a few days ago. These feelings, this fast … well, it’s ridiculous.

“Isak? We can see you now,” the doctor calls, poking her head through the open door to the side, and breaking into his thoughts.  Isak sighs and gathers his bag.

“So, okay, Isak,” the doctor says once he’s sitting down in the uncomfortably soft chair to one side of the office.  “You have been in heat, yes?”

“Yeah,” Isak says.  “My first one.”

“Okay,” she says.  “And how was it?” 

She has her pen poised over a form, and looks at him expectantly.  Isak blushes, unsure why she wants to know all this stuff. He shifts restlessly in the chair, and stills in embarrassment when it squeaks, harsh in the quiet of the space.   “Um …” he starts. “It was okay, I guess.” He shrugs, deeply uncomfortable at having to answer these things about something he’d much rather stayed private.

She smiles at him.  “Isak, I promise, like I said before, we don’t judge here.  We’ve seen and heard it all before.” She glances down at the paper, and nods.  “You’re done with the heat now?”

“Yeah, I think so.  Mostly, anyway.”

“Good,” she says, and checks the paper again.  “So that means it lasted roughly three days?”

“Um?” Isak tries to think back.  It was Monday when it started and today is Thursday.  “No, four I think. Almost.”

“Mmmm, quite normal, then,” she says, her approval clear in the quiet satisfaction of her tone.  “And how intense were the urges?”

Isak flushes.  These questions are awful.  He knows they’re asked to gather information, and part of him really approves of research of this kind.  But there’s a part of him that rebels. He’s a fucking alpha, for goodness’ sake. He shouldn’t have to be baring all, even metaphorically.  “I don’t quite follow …”

“Okay, how to put this, Isak?”  She leans forward, rests her hands on her knees, and looks him straight in the eye, as if she can read the truth that way.  “Did you lose all control? Retain some? What level of impact do you think it had on your ability to retain your rational mind?”

“I didn’t know there were different levels?” Isak says, startled.  

“Oh yes,” she says.  “Some alphas remain almost entirely rational, with just a few extra urges so to speak.  Others can become very animalistic, and there’s everything in between. No one’s really sure why that might be.”

“Huh,” Isak says, wondering if this is why he’d been able to stay conscious enough of Even’s comfort that he didn’t (hopefully) do anything to hurt him.  “I’d say, about 85 percent? Maybe 90? It wasn’t easy, but I never really totally lost myself in the moment.” He blushes, knowing she knows what he’s talking about but uncomfortable being really open about what he did with and to Even.  “I knew enough to … to not be too rough. I mean, I ...” Isak trails off, because he’s not sure how relative ‘not too rough’ might sound and he doesn’t want to get too explicit about what happened.

“Hmmm, okay.  That’s good,” she says, soothingly, making Isak feel like a child who requires settling, or a bird with ruffled feathers.  “And you were here with another boy? An omega?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Isak agrees.  He becomes aware that the constant sick thud in his head has diminished since he came into this room and that he’s not feeling much nausea anymore.  That means Even’s probably here too. Which is just  _ great. _  Isak wants to see him, but he also dreads it.  He’s not sure how he might be able to face someone who is so kind and funny on the phone, but who is rejecting Isak in real life.  It hurts, so fucking much.

He glances up and cringes.  The doctor is studying him, a frown between her brows, but when she sees him notice it smoothes out into a smile.  “And how was that? Being in heat with someone else?”

“I …” Isak starts, then stops because he has no idea how to talk about the complications around bonding.  

It must show on his face, however, because she tilts her head, examines him again and then nods as if he’s confirmed something.  “You bonded?”

Isak swallows, then nods.  “Yeah, it seems like it.”

“You don’t seem very happy about that.”

“Well, I don’t think we properly connected,” Isak explains. “He didn’t seem to let himself fully get into it?” He’s not telling this woman that he feels really awful because this one guy Isak finally admits he wants has decided he doesn’t want  _ him. _  He looks down at his shoes, taking in the brown scuffs at the toes as he speaks.  “It doesn’t feel full, or I don’t think it does?” He pauses for a moment, trying to figure out how much he can or should say.  But it’s for research so he eventually adds, “it seems like he doesn’t want it and is pushing away from it somehow, at least partly.  Is that … is that possible?”

He glances up at the doctor and grimaces.  She looks startled, but it moves so swiftly into her usual practised smile that Isak thinks he might have just imagined it.  “That’s not very usual, Isak, but I guess it’s possible.”

He shrugs.  “I feel like shit, though.”  As if to prove his point, Isak’s head gives one heavy thump and he winces.  “I have this awful headache and … and I feel sick, all the time. Except …”

“Except when you’re with this boy?”

“Yeah, or talking to him on the phone or something.”  Isak can hear the smile in his voice and snarls at himself inside his head.  This is  _ pathetic, _ and all over some guy who doesn’t feel the same way.

“Hmmmm,” the doctor says, looking him up and down.  “That’s not common either. It usually requires physical presence.”

“Well, it’s what we have,” Isak says, irritated.

“Yes, I believe you.”  She sighs, straightens up.  “Okay, Isak. That’s the end of the questions we have to ask.  I’m afraid that for the sickness, the only real solution is to spend time together.”

Isak’s mouth twists into a grimace.  “I thought so,” he says.

“Think of it as a way to make a new friend,” she suggests with a chirpy, unconvincing excitement.  “Bondings can produce very strong friendships, too.”

“Yeah,” Isak says.  But inside he’s thinking  _ yeah, right.  Even doesn’t want anything to do with me beyond the damn heat and fixing the sickness _ .  Isak smiles, a bright fake thing that she seems to accept.  

He makes his way out into the waiting room again, but stops short in the doorway.   _ Fuck. _  He’d forgotten that Even must be here too. Isak stares, stunned with the delight of seeing Even again mixed with paralyzing uncertainty. Even looks so fucking good, all perfectly styled hair and devastating grin, but there’s a stiff set to his face and a tension in his body that screams exactly what he thinks about Isak, and whatever that feeling is it’s not a good one.  Isak has no idea what to say to this guy, here in this place where they shared so much. So he stalls in the doorway and stares at Even, uncertain even how to approach a light conversation. Why was it so easy and natural on the phone, but so weird here? Why does seeing Even in person have such an impact on Isak’s ability to speak and to function? Is it the fear that Even will notice his feelings? 

“Hey, Isak,” Even says, his face an unreadable mask. 

Isak feels his heart drop into his stomach as he brushes his hand through his hair. The scent of Even is softer now, but comfortable, familiar and warm. It’s not for Isak to breathe in, though. _ Even doesn’t want him _ , he reminds himself. 

Isak holds back a groan. Seeing Even is so amazing, but seeing him so tense and awkward is so weird after all their phone conversations.  Then Even’s face slips into a devastating smile and Isak can’t hold the groan back any longer. He’s so  _ fucked. _


	8. Chapter 8

******Isak: A Meeting**

All Isak’s composure is lost in the way Even looks, and in the way his voice sounds.  Gravelly and raw, rough around the edges. Isak can tell he’s staring, that his mouth has dropped open in ridiculous delight at seeing Even again.  He looks so good. As attractive as he had been when going into heat, he’s so much more so now that he’s together and confident. But there’s still a mask there, sitting over Even’s features despite the smile.  And it’s also there in his eyes, hooded and wary. Isak swallows, panic flooding through him. This is it, then. Even’s figured him out. So he drags a smile onto his own face and steps forward.

“Hi, Even.”  He glances around the room, before letting his gaze flick back to Even.  “You’re here for a checkup too?”

“Yeah,” Even says, and now there’s finally a tiny, genuine smile sitting around the edges of his lips.  “Trust you to get in first, though.”

Isak laughs, allows himself to relax a little.  “I am the master of punctuality,” he says and lets his own mouth quirk into a smile at Even’s burst of laughter.

“Master of being annoying, you mean?” 

“Fuck you,” Isak says, and it’s so ridiculous the way Even’s laughter sends joy flooding through Isak’s body.

It’s such a  _ relief _ to be here, too.  Not just to see Even and watch the way his expressive face moves as his emotions chase each other, but to smell him, to hear him and to lose that damn headache and sickness.  Even’s omega scent is no longer the overpowering, sense-destroying masterpiece of a few days ago, but it’s still enticing. Isak thinks his heat may not quite be over, because he still has a desperate desire to bury his nose in Even’s neck and drink him in.  Instead, he forces himself to grin as naturally as possible and move to get around Even.

“Isak?” Even says, and there’s a hand on Isak’s arm, halting him.  The point where it touches is warm and sends tingles right through Isak.  He takes in a quick, sharp breath and hopes Even hasn’t noticed.

“Yeah?” he responds, flicking his eyes quickly up to Even’s face.  Isak hopes his voice is steady, because he really needs to not show Even just how affected he is by his presence.  It’s one thing in the throes of heat, but quite another when it’s just two guys meeting casually. It’s a bit  _ creepy _ then, to be this susceptible to another person.  It’s worse when Isak’s an alpha and he’s supposed to be the one who can get by without this sort of weak neediness.

“Can … can we meet later today?”  Even looks so earnest, his eyes dark and wide as they plead with Isak.  “It’s just, it’s so nice not to be sick all the time.” He exhales and looks at Isak again.  “It’s so much better like this than it is when we’re on the phone, even.”

“Yeah,” Isak says, letting out a relieved breath.   _ He _ wasn’t the one to ask, so that means it’s okay.  He wasn’t the one forcing his dumb feelings on Even.  It’s just a bond-easing transaction and that’s  _ fine. _  At least he knows Even wants Isak’s presence, even if it’s just to take the edge of the whole bond mess and he doesn’t want the bond itself.

“Even?” The doctor’s voice is polite but the intrusion makes both of them start.  “You can come in now.”

Even glances at her, then back to Isak.  He drops his hand from Isak’s arm, but the warmth remains.  “I can see you at break, yeah?” Even says quietly enough that only Isak should hear.  His eyes are intense and he stares at Isak as if willing him to say something in particular.  As if there’s a certain word Even wants. It’s disconcerting and Isak’s not sure what it is he’s supposed to say.

“Uh … sure, I guess,” Isak says and it seems like Even relaxes just slightly when he does.  The rigid lines that sat around his mouth fade and the small smile returns.

“Your locker, okay?” Even says, his eyes crinkling and delighted.  “It can be our place.”

Then Even’s gone, and his lingering scent is barely discernible.  Isak’s headache presses in again, not as bad as it can be but enough to remind Isak that not being with Even right now is a particular kind of torture.  He sighs and makes his way to class.

Jonas is sitting at their usual table, and the sight of him punches something painful into Isak’s gut.  He can’t deny them now, all the things he was really feeling for Jonas when they fucked. His bright smile and intelligent eyes stir an old longing in Isak’s chest and he squeezes his eyes shut against the assault of those feelings.

“Bro,” Jonas whispers as Isak slides into the seat next to him.  “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to text.”

“Oh.  I’ve been … a bit sick,” Isak says.  Which is the world’s greatest understatement, but sue him.  So he’s not ready to talk to Jonas about what’s happened over the last few days.  So what?

Jonas’s eyes widen and he sniffs, taking a deep breath as he leans in towards Isak a little.  “You smell different; why is that?” he asks, leaning closer and taking another sniff. He starts back and gasps.  “You had a heat!” he says, a little too loudly, and Isak glares at him while looking around to make sure no one has heard him.  It doesn’t seem like anyone is paying them any attention so he relaxes.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” he mutters and Jonas snorts.

“Isak, of course it’s a big deal.  We need to celebrate this.”

“What?  No. You sound like Eskild.”  Isak groans and drops his head onto the desk.  His head is throbbing again and the nausea is threatening a comeback.  Break can’t come fast enough. “It’s not something I particularly want to celebrate.”  He grumbles as a sharp pain slices through his head. “You don’t know what it’s like.”

“You could show me,” Jonas says, his voice heavy with suggestion.  “After school. My parents are away again and I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like to fuck an alpha in heat.”

“I don’t …” Isak swallows against the surge of heat that rockets through his body at the comment, and the way his insides immediately turn to liquid.  Once that would have excited him; now it makes him feel sick and disgusted in himself. “I’m not still in heat, not really.” He sucks in a breath, opens his mouth to tell Jonas.  He can’t make himself catch Jonas’s eyes now but he has to say it, to actually get the words out. It’s hard, though, forming the right responses that will let Jonas know what he needs to know but without blowing the cover on everything Isak still isn’t comfortable saying.  

He lets the breath out again in a whistle, and glances sideways to see what Jonas is doing.  He’s looking at Isak with a bemused expression on his face and a crease on his forehead.  _ Fuck. _

Isak opens his mouth to say something, swamped with a panicked, icy chill, but the teacher calls Jonas’s name and his attention is dragged away from Isak.  That should be a relief but it’s not. He still has to say it, and Isak has no idea, still, how to broach the subject of sex with Jonas.

As soon as class is over, Isak practically runs out of the room.  He’s not usually one for avoiding his problems, not really. But the idea of letting Jonas know he’s not up for fucking this afternoon is too hard, so he runs.  He hears Jonas’s voice behind him, confused and uncertain, but Isak doesn’t stop moving until he’s far enough away that he’s not going to be spotted.

He leans back against the wall and sighs in frustration.  Why did this have to happen now? Why did Isak have to go and bond with a guy?  Why couldn’t he just keep the uncomplicated sex with his best friend without making all these damn discoveries about himself?  He drops his head and scrubs his hands over his face, the slightly painful pull of the skin as he does so a welcome relief from the insistent thud of the headache.  

Isak forces himself to his next class.  Just one more to get through until he can see Even again, and get away from this stupid mess he’s in, for a few short minutes anyway.  Isak refuses to acknowledge the giant asshole part of him that’s glad for the excuse to see Even again, to force him to spend time with Isak again.  There’s that alpha side that really just wants to grab onto Even and make him Isak’s regardless of whether Even actually wants that. His rational brain is horrified and starts lecturing him with a million different reasons why he shouldn’t think that way, but that small hidden side still whispers that this is his chance to push a little and see if he can make Even decide to be his mate for real.

By the time he gets to the lockers, Isak is vibrating out of his skin.  The after effects of his heat have left him sweaty and uncomfortable, senses still sharper than usual, and the sheer number of scents that have called to him already today is overwhelming.  But there’s one scent that stands out above all the rest. It’s wafted to Isak occasionally through the morning, but not often enough to even take the edge off the pain and nausea. Just enough to remind Isak that Even’s here, and it’s been so frustrating having him so close but not within reach.  

His head snaps up and his eyes widen even as his nose lets him know consciously what he already understood instinctually.  Even is approaching. A shaft of light hits him as he passes in front of a window and Isak’s breath catches. He’s so stunning, with his lanky body and effortless stride.  He’s laughing at something the guy with him is saying, and the way his face is so relaxed and carefree makes Isak’s heart leap. It’s not an Even he’s ever seen before and it’s truly a breathtaking sight.  Then he looks up, catches Isak’s eyes and his whole face changes. Softens. The laugh fades, but in its place is a fondness that makes Isak’s heart stop.

_ Stop that shit, _ he berates himself.   _ He doesn’t want you; this is just residual bond and heat stuff _ .  But Isak’s sure his own face is betraying everything he feels.  He’s usually so rough and grumpy, keeping up the facade of Straight Alpha Bro, but when he looks at Even all that burns away and leaves just Isak.  Just a guy who feels a connection to another guy and can’t keep it off his own damn face.

Even waves at the guy and jogs over to Isak.  By the time he’s a foot or so away, the pain is gone and Isak can breathe again.  

“Hey,” he says.  “How’s it been?”

Even looks at him with an unreadable expression and shrugs.  “Kind of not great,” he says with a grimace. “When I’m not with you it’s really fucking hard to concentrate.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling,” Isak says.  “Maybe we should have our phones on all the time just so we can hear each other sometimes.”

Even’s face creases into another of his devastating grins and Isak is dragged under his spell yet again.  “That would be super creepy, Isak. Imagine all the nasty things I could learn about you.”

“You don’t scare me,” Isak says, swaying closer before he realizes and takes a hasty step back.  He needs to stop doing that, letting the residual effects of the heat drive him toward Even like this. “I have nothing to hide.”

Even’s smile slips a little.  “What if I do, though?” he asks.  “What if there’s stuff I don’t want you to know?”

“Oh.”  It sucks being reminded, yet again, that Even doesn’t want this.  He’s keeping stuff back, doesn’t want to let Isak in. It’s another painful reminder that this is all just to get rid of the bond faster so Even can go back to being his amazing self without worrying about Isak.  The useless alpha who can’t even keep the omega he’s bonded with. 

“Come on,” Isak says, trying to regain some sense of control in the situation, and starts to walk away.  He’s fairly sure Even will follow, if only to keep the headache at bay, so he leads Even to his favorite place in the school, a tiny spot squeezed between a cupboard and a staircase.  There they sit and talk, arms brushing occasionally and every time they do Isak’s body shivers. It’s almost like the closer they are, the better the connection of the bond. There are moments when Isak feels the bond tugging him closer, like when they touch and a tingle goes through him, but every time it happens, Even pulls away as if burned.  

“How much do you know about the bond?” Isak asks, eventually.  He’s curious now, and on the day they met Even seemed to know more than Isak did.  “You said people used to think it had to happen through having sex, but it seems like ours started before that.  I did research, but it was so contradictory and annoying.” He huffs his irritation. “Do you know why that might be?”

Even sighs, turns his intense blue eyes on Isak and smiles.  There’s something hiding behind that smile, but Isak can’t figure out what it is.  “Sometimes when one person already has an emotional connection, it can trigger one in the other person.”

Despite the anxious flood of ice that Even’s words send racing through Isak (was it him?  Did his unknown and unacknowledged crush affect Even? Is that why Even’s so distant? Because he  _ knows?), _ he manages to bump his shoulder into Even’s.  “Kind of like the way my heat was triggered by yours?”

Flushing, Even nods.  “Look, I’m really sorry about that Isak.  I wish … I wish I’d managed to contain myself better.  Then, you’d …”

Another wave of sadness hits Isak.  They’re sitting so close that if either of them breathed it would push them against each other, but there’s still this chasm sitting between them. And until Isak can bring himself to actually ask Even about it, he’s doomed to this horrible pining.

The bell rings, reverberating through the enclosed space and making Isak’s head throb again, even with Even here.  He sighs at the reminder. “I don’t want to go back to class,” he says. “Being with you, without the pain, it’s too nice.”

“Yeah,” Even agrees, turning that intense gaze on Isak again.  “We could just stay here.” His smile this time is a lot more natural than many he’s given Isak this morning.  “This bond system’s fucked up, but at least we could talk. Have some weed maybe.” 

Isak laughs.  “That’s my kind of lesson,” he says.  “But for that we have to go somewhere else.”

“We could try my place,” Even says.  “My parents aren’t home, so we wouldn’t be disturbed.”

It’s such a weird mirror of Jonas’s words in class today that Isak is taken aback.  But instead of Jonas’s suggestive hinting, Even’s face is open and relaxed. It seems he genuinely wants a connection, and Isak is so desperate he’s willing to give it to him.   _ Act like a fucking alpha, _ he admonishes himself as they stand and get ready to move.   _ Don’t let yourself be overcome by all of this.  Stay in control. _  But then Even grins at him again and Isak’s helpless to resist when he does that.

“Okay, let’s go,” he agrees.

 

**Even: A kiss**

It’s chilly outside, but beautiful, too, and Even likes the cold. It helps him stay focused. It’s also a pleasure to feel the hint of warmth from Isak’s body, to touch and burn, just a little. Even can’t help touching Isak, innocently, from time to time. A small bump of their shoulders, a gentle tap on his back, or a careful touch of his arm. Even just wants to be near. It’s always with a sting of guilt that he does it, feeling that he’s imposing on Isak who most likely doesn’t need the closeness in the same way. It’s hard to tell.

Isak looks fine, though. When they bumped into each other at the doctor’s earlier, Even had struggled to stop himself from pulling Isak close and never letting go. While Isak… was himself. The vibe between them had been awkward at first, but they had managed to make their talk light and easy, even though Even was thinking too much about Isak. And it felt  _ so good  _ to be close to him again. It still does. 

The nausea is gone, the ache is gone, and Even almost feels lightheaded from having Isak so close. But how does Isak feel? And what does he want? He follows Even right now, at least. Even dares to take that as a good sign.

When they enter the tram, Isak smiles a little. “Hey, we’re back where it all began.”

Even blushes as he remembers how close Isak had been then, and the things he’d said. He hides it as he lets out a scoff. “ _ Began?  _ Are you telling me that you didn’t know of me before we met at the tram?”

Isak looks at him. “Oh, I knew of you,” he says.

A warm rush goes through Even, and he feels hot in his cheeks. Is Isak implying something? Or not? 

“Oh, cool,” he mutters.

“Did you ever notice me?” Isak asks.

_ Oh yes. _ Even remembers. He remembers noticing the golden guy with the snapbacks and the cocky attitude. How his heart skipped over several beats when his eyes met Even’s across the schoolyard. He remembers how he wanted to learn more about this guy, but other things kept him back, like everything with Mikael and Sonja, and…

_ Don’t go there. _

The previous term had almost been as confusing as his last term at Bakka. But at least he didn’t leave the school, this time. He didn’t flee. He stayed, and he ignored his crush and focused on school and his meds instead. It had worked. But damn, it had been boring.

And Isak had been like the only light in the distance.

“Yeah, I noticed you,” Even says, in a husky, low voice.   
  
Isak stares at him, and his eyes are so deep, so deep. “Because I’m alpha?”

Even startles. Then he just hums and smiles. Because,  _ no _ , it wasn’t because Isak was alpha. It was because there was something special about him. Because Isak was like a light for him. Well, fuck, because Even had crushed hopelessly on him. 

Now, he can’t say that out loud, of course. 

“Being an alpha or an omega isn’t everything, you know,” he says instead. 

Isak raises one eyebrow. “I know that! I just… Ugh, whatever.”

Even doesn’t even try to understand what he means with that. They get off the tram and approach Even’s place, and Even starts to feel nervous. 

This invite was an impulsive thing, and he doesn’t know if it was a smart one. One thing’s certain, though. It feels good to have Isak near like this. The closeness is almost intoxicating.

Even opens the door and they enter the flat. He takes his jacket off and slips his shoes off.  Isak does the same. The flat is quiet, and Even can feel the the calming effect of coming home. And of having Isak there, too. He drops his bag by his bunk bed, and looks at Isak. “Are you hungry? Thirsty?”

Isak shakes his head. “Nah. You lured me here under the impression that we’d smoke some weed.”

Even chuckles. “Fair enough.” The yearning for Isak simmers under his skin and makes him restless. He moves around a bit, searching for the joint he has stashed away.

Isak looks around and ends up standing in front of the clippings and drawings hanging on his closet. Even glances at him and sees that he’s smiling to himself, reading something at the wall.

“I like your drawings,” he says. “They’re funny.”

And Even can’t help feeling pleased, secretly hoping he’s not pleased because his alpha, (no,  _ an alpha _ , dammit), likes what he’s done). When Even finally finds his stash, he says a triumphant “he-hey” and smiles at Isak, trying to ignore how Isak’s soft gaze and smile make his chest ache.

They sit down on the  window sill, facing each other, letting their eyes rest on the view outside when they’re not looking at each other.  

Even lights up the joint and sits back, taking the first drag before passing it over to Isak. Isak leans back, too, and for a while, they smoke in silence. Even feels the bliss through his veins, making him dizzy. Even gets a little giggly when he smokes. He can’t help it; he just smiles a lot, and laughs, and talks about music and a movie he’s seen. And Isak listens, and looks, and looks and looks and looks.

Isak seems to become more touchy, too. When Even’s fingers brush over his, it’s the most amazing feeling, and Isak leaves these lingering, tingling touches every time the joint changes hands.

Even keeps staring, unable to help himself. Isak’s golden locks are so tempting to touch, and his lips look so soft. Isak has to be the most beautiful boy alive and he is sitting right in front of Even, getting high as fuck, unaware of the feelings inside of Even.

“I like your room,” Isak says into the silence.

“Yeah, I still have a bunk bed, how cool is that?” Even jokes. “I feel maybe that’s a little childish now that I’m turning 20. You don’t live at home with mom and dad, though. You live in a kollektiv?”

“Mmmmm,” Isak hums. “I left home. Things weren’t... good.”

Even senses that there’s more to it, but he doesn’t want to push. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

Isak makes another vague noise. “I’m alright. Eskild took me home, like a stray cat. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a hobby of his.”

Even smiles. He can hear how Isak tries to cover over something that’s not that easy for him at all. “To collect stray cats?” he laughs. 

“Yeah,” Isak huffs a smile. He pins Even with his eyes. “What about you? What’s your hobby?”

“Movies,” Even smiles. “Doodling and scribbling. Doing my routines and taking my meds.”

_ Oh. Damn.  _ That wasn’t really planned. The weed must have loosened his tongue. 

Isak looks at him, but he doesn’t look horrified. Yet. 

Even sighs. “I have bipolar disorder,” he says. “You know, mood swings, sort of. It’s medicated and things work pretty great, but. I guess it’s okay to tell you.”

Isak nods. “Yeah, okay.” He looks like he doesn’t know what to say. He probably doesn’t.  

Even doesn’t know much more to say, either. Things grow silent between them.

Isak gets up and looks around some more. “Who’s this?” he asks as he find a photo of Sonja. 

“The previous alpha in my life,” Even shrugs. It’s a joke, but a bad one. “Kidding. She’s my ex.”

Isak blushes and nods.

“And these guys?”

A photo of his old friends. “It’s my old crew,” Even admits. “From Bakka.”

“This guy seems to be a close friend?” 

Even sighs, silently regretting that he hasn’t removed that photo. “It was my ex-boyfriend.”

Isak stares at him. “You had a boyfriend,” he says, as if it is a statement. 

“Yeah. We had to end it though; he wasn’t very supportive. He made me feel awful for being who I am. Not that he was a bad guy, he just… had his own issues.”

Isak sighs, too, and there’s something tense in his posture. “Sometimes you strike me as too forgiving, Even. Nobody has the right to make you feel bad.”

Even swallows. A part of him loves the typical alpha protection he can hear in Isak’s voice. Another part of him, and a stronger part, wants to rebel against it.  _ I am who I am and you don't know what’s best for me, dammit!  _

Those damn alpha instincts. Even has to admit to himself that Isak does have a point, though. “Maybe you’re kinda right,” he shrugs. “but it’s just who I am.”

Isak must sense the resistance from his answer ( _ don’t tell me who I am _ ) because he just smiles a slow smile, saying nothing. 

”Are you hungry?” Even asks then. His own body is growling for food, so he suspect he’s not the only one.   
  
”Yeah, I’m starving,” Isak admits. 

“Let’s make something to eat then,” Even grins, gets up and moves into the kitchen. He looks into the fridge. “Seems like cheese toasties are the only interesting option.”

Isak doesn’t seem to mind. They find the bread and the cheese and work together.  Even wants so much, he wants so much more than this. He knows he should take it easy. But he moves around Isak and touches and breathes in his smell and… Somewhere in his head his brain tells him to slow the hell down. He just can’t. He’s allowed to have this, now. So he’s going to enjoy it, dammit. He needs to have this.  _ Please _ .

It gets tricky when Even moves around Isak to find some spice, and ends up so close that he’s staring right into Isak’s face.  Isak’s eyelashes are long and they look soft. His skin is smooth and he’s warm. Isak has no idea how close Even comes to closing that last inch of distance between them and kissing him. He has  _ no idea _ . Isak’s lips are so close, and so soft looking, and Even can feel the heat from them, and he craves them more than air. Even wants to kiss Isak’s eyebrows, his moles, his lips. He wants to feel Isak’s hips, feel those strong hands on his waist, his chest, everywhere.

Isak looks back at him, and there’s a strange light in his dark, green eyes as the tension rises between them –  

“Fuck, they’re blue,” Isak mutters. “Your eyes.”

And Even’s breath hitches. Because there’s something heated in the way Isak looks at him. Even doesn’t know what possesses him in that moment; maybe it’s the weed. Maybe the strange pull between them that gets to him. But he moves, leaning over to cradle Isak’s face and pressing his lips against the sweet heat of his mouth.

Isak releases a shuddering breath as his lips part and he welcomes Even in. Isak’s mouth is so warm and wet, and the caress of his lips and tongue softer than Even remembers. Even doesn’t hesitate, plunging his tongue against Isak’s. And Isak… Isak pulls him closer, pressing their bodies together and stealing the gasp from Even’s lips, and holy fuck. Isak licks his way into Even’s mouth with the taste of weed and cardamom, his other hand cupping the back of Even’s neck possessively.

The heat between them seems to come from nowhere, and Even fists his hand into Isak’s hair, blunt fingernails dragging against the sensitive skin at the nape of his neck. 

Isak threads their fingers together, and buries his face into the bend it creates between Even’s neck and shoulder, nosing the collar of his t-shirt out of the way to lay wet open-mouthed kisses onto his skin.

Tugging at Isak’s hair in an attempt to drag his mouth back up, Even slots his knee between Isak’s thighs and rolls his hips instinctively, tearing a deep guttural moan from Isak’s lips as their erections grind together. Even separated by their jeans the friction of it is electric. Isak’s eyes are wide, as if he’s shocked at himself as he tears himself away from Even’s tender skin to meet Even’s gaze, and he stills, although he is breathing heavily. It’s that stillness that eventually pulls Even back to coherent thought, blinking in slow, shocked surprise.

_ What the hell was all of that? _

Even’s knows about heat and bonding and he’s heard of natural chemistry, of mating attraction, pheromone fog, whatever the hell people want to call it. This feels like  _ more _ . This feels like wanting Isak right now. 

Isak looks wrecked, pupils dilated until the color has almost been chased away and only a thin line of green is left. Slack and parted lips kiss-bruised and pink, high points of color painting his cheeks and his chin and his untidy hair is tousled by Even’s hands. He looks drugged, and Even’s pretty certain he’s not the only one.

But Isak probably doesn’t want this at all.

_ Fuck, fuck, fuck…  _ Even has gone too far and Isak is backing away, flushed and panting.

_ Fuck _ . Even knows he has fucked up. “I’m sorry,” he breathes, “I didn’t mean to…”

Isak stares at him with wide eyes, still breathing heavily. He blushes red. “No, it’s cool, Even, it’s just…”

_ Yeah, of course. Jonas. _ Isak must he thinking about Jonas.

Even releases a deep breath. It’s about time he accepts it.  _ It’s just how it is.  _ He and Isak are just supposed to be friends, and that’s it.

“No problem,” he says, in a hoarse voice. “No problem. It was just… nothing.”

Isak shuts his mouth then, and nods. 

Even says nothing more about it either.  _ So what  _ if he’s falling in love with this guy who loves someone else? He’ll get over it. Or, at least, he’ll  _ live _ .

The cheese toasties are finished in no time, and they decide to bring them to Even’s bedroom. They end up eating them on the floor. The whole thing reminds Even of them eating together in the heat room, and Isak making sure that he was hydrated. The thought pains him.

Isak can’t stay for long. 

“Stay,” Even asks, “can’t you just stay the night? Maybe it would help with the bond.”

But Isak says he can’t. In fact, he looks pained when he says he can’t. He leaves Even’s house, muttering that he has something he needs to do.

And Even… Even climbs up into the bunkbed, throws himself on the back and stares up at the ceiling.  _ Damn it _ , Even knows he is falling for Isak Valtersen. Isak, who has his Jonas.  _ Fuck _ , this thing with Isak is going to kill him. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We know these boys have been frustrating with their terrible communication skills and their inability to force themselves to clarify things rather than making assumptions. But in this chapter they finally ...
> 
> ... keep being frustrating, because we are just that evil! (insert villain poses and evil laughter here, hehehe). So we are sorry, but we're also not? We hope you enjoy anyway!

##  **Isak: Advice**

Trying not to feel like he’s running away, Isak leaves Even’s apartment.  He regrets it almost instantly, as his head gives one warning throb before the pain slices through again.  But he couldn’t stay. What was he thinking? Kissing Even? That’s the dumbest thing he could possibly do right now, when Even has shown over and over again that he doesn’t want their bond.  Not to mention that it was weird, the softness Isak felt when they kissed. Isak’s not like this; he’s not a soft person. He’s hard, with rough edges and a gruff exterior. He’s an alpha, someone who is expected to take what he wants and screw what the other person needs.  That’s who he is; that’s what he’s always done even if it’s not always completely natural.

And yet here he is, melting from one kiss.  Melting because an omega chose to kiss him, no less.  Isak feels like he’s failing as an alpha, and part of him resents that.  He was happy dammit. Happy with his sex life, with his preference not to bond and mate, with his ignorance.  The other part of Isak is terrified. Even’s slipping inside all of his defences, and it’s scary to think just how quickly that has happened.  It’s only been a few days, not even a week, since that first meeting on the tram. This bond has created a weakness in Isak which he isn’t used to, which no alpha should get used to.  But Isak wants it. He wants Even, wants to spend time with him and not just to eliminate the sickness.

If only Even wanted it too.

Isak sighs in frustration as he climbs the stairs. The kiss makes him feel guilty about Jonas, too. Not because Jonas wouldn’t like that Isak sometimes kisses other people (there have always been more than just Jonas as Isak’s fuck buddies, after all, even if Jonas was always Isak’s preferred choice), but because Jonas deserves to know what the hell is going on. How can Isak tell Jonas that he wants to stop fucking, without saying anything about his weakness, or about Even?

Isak finds himself bursting into the apartment much faster than he’d expected to.  He’s still anxious then, he thinks with an eyeroll for himself. But he knows what he wants and needs right now.  

“Eskild!” he calls, as he thuds into the living area.  Eskild pops his head around his bedroom door, his eyes wide and looking startled.

“Baby alpha?  What’s wrong?”

“Me,” Isak says, throwing himself onto the couch as dramatically as he can.  “I’m completely fucked up. That’s what’s wrong.”

“Ah, you need help from moi?  From your guru?”

Isak rolls his eyes.  “Whatever.”

“Admit it, Isak; I’m your guru and you love me.”

“Don’t fucking worry, then,” Isak says, pushing up from the couch and heading for the bedroom.

“No.  Nonononono.  I’m sorry,” Eskild says, and to be fair to him, there is genuine contrition in his voice which makes Isak’s rough, alpha-affected, edges soften a little.  “Come, sit down and tell me what the matter is.”

Isak sighs, lets himself slump back into the couch.  Eskild pats his arm, his eyes intense as he takes in Isak’s body language.

“Is it the heat?” he asks.  

“No, not really,” Isak says.  “Or … I guess that’s part of it.  But I want to talk about something else right now.”

“Oh?” Eskild is suddenly sitting forward, his eyes lighting up.  

Isak squirms a little under the scrutiny; he knows what Eskild is thinking, how interested he is in the whole situation with Even.  The bond, and how it’s manifesting in Isak. So, to make it as fast as possible getting to the actual point, Isak shakes his head. “Nei.  It’s not that. It’s … uh. It’s … something I have with another alpha.”

“Another alpha?” Eskild says, confusion clear in his voice.  “What happened to your bond with that omega?”

“I don’t know,” Isak says, lips twitching a little at this hint that he’d been right about what Eskild was thinking it was about.  He waves his hand, dismissing it for now. “I’m just … I’ve had this thing with … with a friend.” He takes a deep breath, looks at Eskild.  “And I don’t want to … I’ve been saying I’m not _gay._  But …”

“But?”  Eskild’s voice is soft and his eyes are warm.

“I am, though,” Isak says.  “Gay. At least a little.” He looks up, trying to figure out what Eskild thinks. He spreads his arms wide, in a gesture intended to imply finality.  “So now I can’t keep doing the thing with my friend.”

Eskild frowns, squinting in confusion.  “You say you’re gay?” Isak nods. “And you have a thing with your friend?  Who I assume is a boy too?” Another nod. “But now you have to stop?”

“Yes,” Isak says, irritated that Eskild doesn’t seem to have got the essential point.  “It was okay when it meant nothing.”

“Ah, I see,” says Eskild, and he sits back as if he’s finally understanding.  “You’re sure this isn’t about your bond?”

“No.”  Isak shakes his head.  “Even doesn’t want it. So none of it matters anyway.”

He can hear the petulance in his voice, the testiness, and he grimaces.  This is such typical alpha shit; getting annoyed just because someone (an omega) doesn’t want what the alpha wants.

“Isak.  I know it’s not easy, but I want you to listen to me.”  Eskild reaches out and pats Isak’s knee. “A bond isn’t wrong, you know that?”  Isak nods again, but he’s twisting his hands in his lap and growls at himself. Why is he this damn weak?  Eskild seems to sense his internal conflicts, because his voice becomes even more gentle when he continues.  “It seems to me, Isak, like you’re avoiding this bond for some reason.”

“I’m not!  It’s Even!”  Isak stands and roams the room.  He knows he’s speaking too forcefully and too loud, and tries to calm himself as he moves.  He wishes he could make Eskild see the insides of his head and how messed up it is. “I’m trying to do the right thing.  It’s his fucking choice, not mine. I have to let him do what _he_ wants.”  He can hear the quiver that has crept into his voice now and turns away so Eskild can’t see it in his face too.  What sort of alpha acts like this? What sort of alpha gives a shit in this way? What sort of alpha is this fucking _weak?_

“Hmmmm,” Eskild says, examining Isak..  He looks like he wants to say something but thinks better of it.  His head tilted, Eskild looks at Isak for so long and so intensely that Isak begins to feel uncomfortable.

“What?” he says, and cringes as he hears the sullenness in his tone.  It’s not easy being under this much focused attention, and Eskild knows it, the asshole.  This sort of attention usually makes Isak crumble and spill everything to Eskild, but today, isak stubbornly stares him down.  Eventually Eskild sighs and shakes his head.

“You know that bonding with a boy is fine, right?” Eskild says, and there’s so much kindness and understanding in his voice.

“I don’t … it’s not like _that,”_ Isak says, and his voice has softened now.  The prolonged silence has at least had some beneficial impact, then.  “I just don’t want to make things hard for Even when he doesn’t want me.  But what sort of alpha am I really if my omega doesn’t want me?”

“He spends a lot of time with you, though,” Eskild says, as he rubs Isak’s arm as if sensing the sadness of that final comment.  “On the phone anyway.”

“That’s just the sickness,” Isak says.  “He’s made that very clear. I’m not … I’m not good enough.”

“Okay, Baby Alpha, I’m going to say something and I want you to listen.”  Eskild is still sitting on the couch and watching as Isak paces, and there’s steel in his voice now.  “You _are_ good enough.   Whatever has convinced you differently is wrong.  And,” he adds, “being gay, bonding with a boy … these are wonderful things.  You will see one day.”

“Fuck off,” Isak says.  “It’s not about that. It’s … what do I do about Jo--” Isak stops, realizes what he almost said, whose name he almost dropped.  “About my friend,” he says carefully. “I can’t keep doing it anymore, Eskild. But I can’t say any of the other stuff.”

“All you can do is be honest, Isak.  Let him know you don’t want to anymore.  Make something up if you have to, but it’s best if you just tell him.  And you should talk to Even; there might be things going on that you don’t understand.”

Isak groans.  He knows Eskild’s right, but he’s not really ready for how Jonas might react once Isak says he can’t do it anymore.   This whole business has been deeply unsatisfying, so Isak falls back into his oldest habit. He leaves Eskild, goes to his room, opens his computer and starts hunting for any tiny scrap of information which might help him make sense of all of this.  It’s not enough and a lot of it is contradictory. He huffs an irritated groan, slams the computer shut then tries to sleep.

 

Isak’s feeling a little more calm at school the next day.  His research has at least made some sense of some of the things that have been happening to Isak even it didn’t stop all the confusion.  Bonds, and people’s reactions to them, are so unique that Isak has very little to go on in terms of figuring out if his feelings surrounding Jonas are normal.  But he’s feeling at least a little less worried about what he needs to say. Whatever he’s feeling for Even, and however he’s feeling about losing the bond they share, it’s entirely separate from Jonas and Isak needs to remember that.  

He slips into his seat next to Jonas in the last lesson of the day, and offers him a small smile.

“Hey,” he says.  

“I missed you after school yesterday.”  There’s a hurt in Jonas’s voice that makes Isak wince.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.  I … uh. I need to talk to you about something.”  He looks over at Jonas before the lesson begins. “Can we get some food after school?  Kebab maybe?”

“Yeah, okay.”  

Jonas turns back to the teacher and Isak tries to pay attention too.  The headache is still there, despite having met up with Even as often as possible during the day.  It’s with a wave of sadness that Isak realizes that in just a few short weeks he’s going to lose even this connection to Even.  He hates it, every moment spent apart is agony, with pain slicing through him most of the day. And yet, once it’s gone then Isak will lose everything he has with Even.  It’s a sick kind of irony that when the pain has gone, everything ends. So there’s a part of Isak that wants to keep the pain for as long as he can. The very phone call he’d made to speed up the process is the very phone call that means Isak wants to slow it right down now.  

It feels like an entire day passes before the bell finally rings and the lesson ends, but eventually they both stand and pack up their things.  Isak’s nerves are back and clogging his throat. Which is fucking stupid. He’s an alpha; he should be able to do something as simple as get a kebab and have a conversation with his best friend.  

They walk in silence.  Jonas is lost in thought and Isak is grateful.  He doesn’t want to do either terrible small talk or their usual suggestive banter when one or the other of them wants to initiate sex.  By the time they have their kebab and are seated, Isak is trembling. They sit side by side on a bench eating, and it’s all so normal. This is something they do all the time, often excluding their other friends in order to catch up with their lives.  But today Isak can’t force any food in. Eventually, he lays the fork down and sighs. Jonas looks over at him, taking one final bite before he turns to Isak and puts his own fork down.

“Is it about the heat?” he asks.  “You’ve been a bit weird since then.”

“Nah,” Isak says, grateful for the start.  “It’s … it’s …” He takes a breath in and looks at Jonas.  “I think I have a bond.”

“Oh.”  Jonas looks at him closely, then smiles.  “You don’t seem happy about that.”

Isak snorts at the understatement.  “Yeah. I’ve never really been into that stuff.”  He shrugs. “You know that.”

“Okay,” Jonas says, nodding.  “Is that all, though?”

Isak shakes his head.  “No.”

“Are you going to tell me?  Or should I guess?”

Huffing a laugh, Isak shakes his head.  Jonas knows him so well and it sends another shaft of pain through him.  He hates the idea that he might lose all this, Jonas’s friendship as well as his dick.  “I … uh … it’s not a girl,” he says. His heart is beating with an unpleasant thump, and his hands are shaking as he looks at Jonas.

“Okay,” he nods.  “Is it … me?”

“Don’t be a dick, Jonas!” Isak says, shoving Jonas in mock irritation, but inside he’s swamped with relief.  There’s no judgement in that tone, only curiosity. “If it was you, you’d know it.”

“Okay, fair,” Jonas says, then takes another bite of his food.  He thinks for a moment, staring out to the distance. “Is it that new omega?”

Isak breathes out a small sigh.  Jonas noticed, then. Of course he did, Isak thinks.  He’s Isak’s best friend. He’s always noticed, because he’s always been there for Isak.  Right from the start. “Yeah.”

“What’s his name?”

“Even.”

“Even?  The one who’s been hanging around a bit lately?”

Isak nods, flushing a little that Jonas has noticed how much time Even has been spending around Isak.  “Yeah. That’s … the bond makes a sickness and it’s only okay if we’re together.”

“I didn’t know he was an omega.”

Isak laughs, bitterly.  “Yeah. He hides it. Suppressants and that shit.”  He shrugs, uncomfortably aware that he might have said more than Even might want Jonas to know.   “It’s not … you can’t tell the others. I don’t think Even wants people to know.”

“Yeah, of course.”  Jonas picks his food up again and starts eating.

They sit for a while, and Isak allows his mind to drift to Even again as he picks up and eats his own kebab.  It’s still infuriating that he’s feeling this way. That everything he’s ever known and valued has been turned so topsy turvy by this whole business with Even.

“Jonas?” he asks, and gets a careful hum in return so he continues.  “What is being an alpha like for you?”

“I’m not sure I’ve really thought about it,” Jonas says after a moment’s contemplation.  “It just is.”

“That doesn’t bother you?” Isak asks, then feels his heart sink when Jonas shakes his head.  “It bothers me a bit,” Isak continues. “I don’t always act like a real alpha. And my parents, you know … their religious thing.”

“Hmmm,” Jonas shrugs.  “You know what being an alpha was about traditionally, yeah?”

“Yeah.  We were leaders,” Isak says.  “The ones who ran everything, got everyone to do their jobs and stuff.  The power people.”

“Well, yeah, “ Jonas agrees.  “But it was more than that. The alpha’s job was to keep everyone safe and secure, make sure everyone was thriving.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said,” Isak says, irritated that Jonas doesn’t seem to be understanding what Isak is saying.

“Not quite,” Jonas laughs.  “Being alpha isn’t just about being the dominant leader.  It’s about making sure everyone feels good and knows what they’re doing, sure, but also keeping things stable, doing the thinking and the planning.”

Isak shakes his head.  Maybe it’s the sickness and the persistent headache, but he’s not following.

“You’re such an idiot,” Jonas says with a smile in his voice.  “Your brain. The way you think. _That’s_ what makes you alpha.  Not the posturing and the tough guy stuff.”

That actually makes a lot of sense to Isak, even while he resents the suggestion that he ‘postures’ like a typical alpha.  He’s still pondering it, trying to work his way through what that means in terms of who Isak wants to be, when Jonas knocks his shoulder with his own.  

“I guess our thing is done, then,” Jonas says.

Isak casts a swift looks sideways at him, then smiles when he sees only understanding on Jonas’s face.  “Yeah,” he says. “Even doesn’t want the bond … or it seems like he doesn’t anyway, but it still feels wrong to do stuff with you anymore.”  He chuckles. “Who’d have thought. Isak Valtersen giving up on sex.”

Jonas laughs with him.  “Don’t give up entirely,” he says.  “You don’t know what will happen with the bond.”

Isak nods, but the words cast a chill on the pleasant moment.  He can’t see any situation where Even changes his mind. He’s been so careful to keep so much away from Isak, that it doesn’t seem possible that’s going to change any time soon.  Despite that, Isak can’t keep away. He hasn’t been entirely honest with Eskild and Jonas, but he can’t bring himself to tell them about the kiss. That’s his and Even’s. And if Isak’s going to get past this, he’s just going to have to pretend it’s all okay.  That kissing people is something Isak does and just moves on from. It’s not entirely a lie; sex (and all its associated things) has never meant much, so all Isak has to do is pretend this latest kiss is exactly the same. That it’s just a heat bond and means nothing.  That’s all.

 

##  **Even: An admission**

Even fears he won’t hear much from Isak after he runs away, and on Friday it seems to hold true. He looks for Isak by his locker, but only gets to see him for short pockets of time during the day and never long enough to talk, or even really meet. The ache for Isak increases and later that evening, Even can’t help phoning him.

The relief when Isak answers is overwhelming. Isak doesn’t mention the kiss, so Even leaves it.

“I haven’t seen you much today,” Even says instead. “So I just wanted to hear how you’re doing.”

“You mean you need your daily Isak fix.”

“Ha, ha, yeah. Something like that.” Even tries to pretend like the joke doesn’t hit him hard. To be honest it’s pretty on point, and not just because of the bonding sickness. Even wants to spend time with Isak, as much as possible. He _needs_ it. Isak’s smile and laughter make everything brighter. Sometimes he is grumpy and annoying, but he’s smart too, and funny in a weird way. He has a way to look at things that often surprises Even.

As Even manages to bury his questions about the kiss, and Isak seems to forget about it too, their talk eases into a more relaxed conversation. They tell each other about their day and about what they’ve been doing. It’s not so easy to be just friendly and polite, though. At least not when Isak’s voice is so warm in his ear. However, Even does his best, trying to keep Isak on the line for as long as possible.

Afterwards his hands are sweaty and his heart races and he tries to ignore the sickness that slowly sneaks back.They keep calling each other during the weekend, talking about everything but the kiss. They talk about everything from politics to music, and Isak seems to be totally oblivious to how he affects Even, with his throaty laughter and breathy voice and the way he just makes everything brighter.  

Even tells himself it’s fine. Everything’s _fine_.

He and Isak try to meet up as often as they can at school over the following days; it keeps the pain away, after all. It’s just a practical solution, really. It’s not because Even thinks about Isak all the time, _not at all_.

Isak seems to be acting like the kiss never happened, at the same time as he doesn’t protest at Even spending time with him, or touching him. When Even strokes Isak’s arm or bumps into his shoulder, Isak smiles. When Even hugs Isak, he melts into Even’s arms.  It confuses Even.

There’s something about the way Isak is around Jonas that makes Even curious, too. The two of them seem to be more careful with each other than they are with their other friends. Like they’re figuring out things. They don’t look like boyfriends, at all. No one else seems to notice anything, except Even. Maybe he’s imagining things, or wishing for it. But still, he can’t help to try to fish for answers.

“So, everything is getting back to normal?” Even asks, with a careful smirk that doesn’t reflect how he feels at all, as he and Isak walk to the cafeteria together.

They’ve been back at school for four days now, including a weekend in between. In all, six days where they have tried to find a way to make things work, as something between friends and… something more. Something that is more or less platonic (from Isak’s side, anyway).

“What do you mean?” Isak asks, side-eyeing him with his deep green eyes.

Even shrugs. “I mean, after the heat and everything?”

Isak avoids his eyes. “What, after the heat?” he asks, not missing a stride as they enter the cafeteria.

_Are you back with Jonas? Or not?_

Even knows he can’t ask like that, it would be too obvious.

“Just that… You’re back with Jonas and your friends and… everything,” he says instead. “So it seems like it’s good?”

It’s good that Sana’s not there with them. She’s been asking about Isak and the heat and there’s no doubt she gets what’s going on with Even. She would say that he’s terrible at pretending. Well, he probably _is_ terrible.

It’s good that Isak isn’t a mind reader, too. Why can't Even stop thinking and dreaming about Isak? The heat is over, after all. Why won’t his _hot_ wet dreams of Isak making love to him go away? No, wait. No. _No._ It was fucking. _Fucking_ , not making love. Sometimes Even feels goddamn high when he’s around Isak and he can’t think straight at all.

“Yeah, I guess?” Isak answers. “They’ve been pretty cool with everything. Magnus asks too much, though, since he hasn’t had his first heat yet.”

Magnus is the blonde beta that makes Even feel like he has a kindred spirit. Magnus sometimes seems more like an omega, with his playfulness and impulsivity, but he lacks the appealing mix of charisma and amenable style that many omegas have. And he lacks the smell, too, of course.

“Why? are you checking up on me?” Isak asks, sending him an almost wicked smile.

Even keeps a sigh back (stupid clueless Isak; how can he not get what Even really asked about?), and nods. “No, no. It was nothing. That’s cool.”

Isak seems to be so _fine_ with everything. After the kiss, Isak’s treated Even in a way that’s nothing but friendly. It’s good that he doesn’t know how Even still yearns to touch and taste and feel Isak _all the time_. It’s very good.

“Hey, your _friend_ is waiting for you,” Even says casually, nodding at Jonas who’s sitting by himself at a table by the window, watching them with an indecipherable expression on his face. Even resists the urge to pull Isak close and growl _mine_ . He has no right to do anything like that, of course (even if Isak has been inside him, even if he’s been inside of Isak, even if Isak has made him come and come and come, even if Isak has held him close and finally made him feel _complete)_.

Isak turns to face him, those beautiful lips parting in the beginnings of a response. Even’s not sure if he’s ready to hear what Isak has to say. He smiles at Isak, says a quick “see ya”  and walks over to the counter to buy something to eat. Or, the truth is that he’s running away from that situation with Isak and Jonas. Even has been with the whole boy squad a couple of times by now, but he always feels like he itches all over every time he starts to wonder what’s going on between Isak and Jonas.

Sana is standing by the counter, watching them, watching _him_. Even avoids her pointed glance at him and gets in line behind her. He allows himself a quick glance at Isak, who sits leaned back, tipping on his chair. He and Jonas seem to be having a serious talk.

“Hey,” Sana says.

For a brief moment, it strikes Even that Isak can see them, and could easily figure out that they know each other, but then he thinks, _what the hell_. He is starting to get tired of all the secrets. He turns towards Sana and smiles. “Hey.”

"Sooner or later, you're going to have to talk to him, you know." Sana says. Always so certain about everything.

"Talk to him about what?" Even asks.

Sana snorts. "Don't play dumb, Even. You know what I mean."

Even shrugs; of course he knows.

"I mean it, Even. Don’t you think it would be smart to talk to Isak and figure out things? Hear what he feels? So if there’s nothing there you can let him go and move on?"

Even frowns. “I have moved on.”

Sana only looks at him.

He studies the food on the counter and tries to pretend he doesn’t notice. “I really appreciate that you’re discreet, by the way,” he mutters.

“About what?”

“Well, you know. Everything that happened at Bakka. The bipolar. Me being omega.”

A soft smile shines in Sana’s face then. “You know that it’s not a bad thing to be an omega, right?”

“Well, it’s damn inconvenient sometimes.”

“Yes. And there are a lot of things that are unfair. But I actually think we can do something about it. I know you have reasons for not wanting to talk about these things, Even. Just remember that I’m here if you… change your mind.”

Just the fact that Sana mentions these things manages to make Even’s anxiety spike.

Luckily, it’s her turn in the line and he’s off the hook for now. Deep down, he knows Sana is right. It’s just too difficult to deal with right now (he really doesn’t want to move on, that’s the problem).

Even stares at the depressing content in on the counter, unable to choose what to eat. His phone pings, he picks it up and ends up staring at the text for several beats.

_Mikael: Hei, Even, congrats on your first heat, man. I know the timing is off, but I just wanna tell you that it would be cool if we could see you again._

Even can’t quite believe it. The boys have sent him several messages since everything happened at Bakka, but he would never expect a text now, not considering it’s been a long time since the last one came in. Even has thought they have given up by now. But Mikael’s text isn’t even the only text. Two more texts show up on his phone:

_Yousef: We miss you. Ready for another movie night soon?_

_Elias: Mom says hi and wonders when you will come over. The others say hi!_

Why in the world are they all texting him right now? Even looks up and catches Sana looking back from the other end of the room. She smiles a tiny smile as she puts down her phone. _Ah._ Sana has been meddling. Even doesn’t have the energy to be annoyed. To be honest, he’s too happy to hear from the boys.

 _Damn_ , Even actually misses them too. He just doesn’t know if he ever can face them again. Not after all that happened at Bakka. He puts his phone away, hardly registering what’s happening around him.

Could it be that he still could have his old friends in his life? Could it be that being an omega with a mental illness doesn’t have to destroy everything?

Even buys a sad sandwich. As he turns around to find a place to sit he feels the pull at once.

 _Isak_ . He’s looking at Even from his place at the table. And Even can’t help smiling at him. When Isak smiles back, everything feels brighter. _Fuck_ , he’s so easy. He heads for Isak and Jonas and the other boys that have joined them by the window.

“Yo, Even!” Magnus greets him, and the others smile and greet him, too. Even smiles, sits down, and relaxes. The proximity of Isak helps with his well being, and he feels that he can be himself with this group. Since his heat started, he’s been walking around in a constant fear of someone figuring him out, or scenting him. When he’s with Isak and his buddies, though, he doesn’t really care. They know that Isak and Even went through the heat at the same time, but they don’t seem to know that Even is an omega and they don’t ask questions, and that’s nice.

“So, you’re testing out the cuisine, Even?” Isak asks, nodding to his sandwich and raising an eyebrow.

Even smiles. The bond is there, between them; Even can feel it like a pull. When it gets too strong, he knows he needs to hold back a little, so he doesn’t throw himself at Isak. The weird part is, that it’s getting harder and harder; like he needs more energy every day to manage to hold back.

“Yeah, I forgot to bring my lunch today,” he explains.

“Today, too?”

“Yeah, today, too,” Even nods. He pushes his chin forward. Okay, so _maybe_ he has slacked off with eating lately. It’s probably just _stress_ (stress from boring, boring, _boring_ school, stress from trying to appear like everybody else, stress from all the secrets, stress from not throwing himself ar Isak, _stress from not staring at Isak while Jonas is right there with them because Even can still_ feel _Isak inside him when he_ thinks _about it_. Yeah, stress. Lots of stress).

Isak nods, as he mutters something inaudible, and the only things Even picks up is something about nutrition and dehydration.

At first, Even doesn’t get why Isak’s quiet mutters make him blush and heat up. But then he remembers. Isak had talked about dehydration in the _room_ , too. In the heat room. Where Even had fucked Isak and Isak had fucked Even and they had come and come … and he really shouldn’t think about these things right now.  

Even swallows dryly and shares a glance with Isak. He can see that Isak just realized the same. His green eyes are dark and deep as he looks at Even.

“What are you mumbling about?” Jonas asks.

“Nothing,” Isak says quickly. “Just that it’s important to eat a varied diet, that’s all.”

Jonas chuckles. “I didn’t know that you care about that.”

“Nah I thought you lived on buns and cola,” Mahdi added.

“Well, I don’t,” Isak mutters.

“It’s true,” Jonas confirms, “Kollektivet has had a good influence of you, Isak. I wonder if...”

Even tunes out the boy’s talk as he stares at his sad sandwich. There’s definitely not much variation in his meal today. Lots of bread and a thin slice of cheese. For a second he wishes the food at least had some greenery, maybe some lettuce or something so he at least could feel a little healthy.

“You can have this,” Isak says, absent-minded, and hands Even an apple. Even is so confused that he accepts the apple without thinking.

Isak must realize that it’s odd, too, because he blushes a little. “I’m just full,” he says.

“Thank you,” Even says. The whole thing secretly makes him happy, and it takes a minute before he realizes why. It’s almost like Isak unconsciously picked up what Even needed, and gave it to him. He had provided food for Even. Even knows it’s probably wishful thinking, but what Isak did, looks a lot like the typical primal bonding behaviour that some bonded pairs show sometimes. Now, Even knows he should protest at those types of behaviours that enforce old gender patterns. However, small remnants of old mating and bonding behaviours like these are pretty harmless. They’re more instinct than anything else. Plus, this whole thing makes Even feel taken care of. So he cherishes the apple instead and eats it up, slowly, feeling weirdly proud when Isak looks pleased.

Maybe he’s doing some primal bonding behaviour too right now, accepting Isak’s gift. He has no idea, he only knows that it makes him feel good.

 _Fuck_ , it’s too easy to get sucked into this. He should focus. Isak doesn’t want it, Even _knows_ that.

“Guys, there’s a party this weekend,” Mahdi says then. “Are you coming?”

Most of the guys cheer, but Isak seems hesitant. “I don’t know,” he says.

Even shifts in his seat. A party would be a golden opportunity to spend some time close to Isak. Why doesn’t Isak want that?

Magnus looks surprised, too. “You don’t know, Isak? What’s up with you? You love to party!”

Isak frowns. “Nothing’s up with me!”

“There’s even a new omega at school, haven’t you noticed! I’m sure she’ll be all over you! They say omegas are never hard to get for alphas like you.”  

And _oh. Oh fuck._

Isak’s eyes darken and he blushes and…

Even feels like he’s _boiling_ . He likes Magnus a lot, but he can say some really thoughtless things sometimes. And _this,_ this hits too close to home.

“Isn’t that an overgeneralization, Magnus?” he asks, feeling ice cold and boiling hot at the same time.

Magnus stares at him. “What do you mean?”

“Not all omegas are easy to get. They’re not always waiting for an alpha to come get them. Are they?”  

He catches Isak’s gaze and the awe he sees in his face makes Even continue. “It’s like saying that all muslims are terrorists.”

Magnus squirms. “I guess. But it’s just talk. It’s not bad of me to say that, is it?”

Even sighs. He feels so tired. He’s so tired of all the guilt and shame and self doubt. He’s tired of feeling disgusting and unwanted. Or just wanted because of his omega smell, anyway (and unwanted by Isak). He’s tired of all the secrets. These boys are actually a great group of people, but they don’t know how it is to be an omega. And maybe, maybe it’s about time they get to hear from someone who is.

“Do you think an omega would like to hear that they’re easy to get?” he asks.

“No, I suppose not,” Magus says, “I’m sorry. But there aren’t any omegas here right now, though.”

Mahdi, who sits next to him, sighs. “It’s the principle, Magnus.”

“Yeah, it’s an over-generalization,” Jonas nods.

Even swallows dryly. He exchanges a glance with Isak, who looks thoughtful and almost a little sad (why is he sad?).

And Even knows he probably should just leave it. Magnus has said he’s sorry and it’s fine. It’s all fine. Even is just so tired of all the secrets, so tired of pretending, and these guys are nice people and he wants to be himself with them and….

“What if there is?” he asks, with his heart beating quickly in his chest.

“What do you mean?” Magnus asks, confused.

Even has all eyes on him now, and he can feel how he blushes. “What if there is an omega here right now?” He takes a deep breath, trying to find the bravery to do what he needs to do. He finds it in Isak’s deep green eyes.

“What if I am an omega?”


	10. Chapter 10

##  **Even: An old Friend**

Sana is giving Even this annoyingly sympathetic look. Even hates it. They’re sitting in the library and Even wants Sana to frown, to scowl at him. He wants Sana to shake him for acting stupid. He wants her to tease him. He wants Sana to make him forget that everything is shit.

The only thing Even can think about, is he’s an omega in love with an alpha who’s not interested. And now he has even come out as an omega. The boys know. Everybody knows. 

“This isn’t that bad,” Sana says. She knows him a little; she knows him quite a bit, actually. She has known him for a while and she knows what he’s been through. She knows that what he fears  _ the most _ has become true. “You’ve told people who you are, and that’s a good thing!”

Even groans. Well, all is relative. Right now, everything feels pretty awful. 

It had felt awesome to tell people, at first. A relief. But he can feel the worries coil in his stomach now. What if they’ll look at him differently? What if they say he’s disgusting? What if they say that he’s worthless?

Even shifts in his seat and leans over the table, moving mostly because he hopes it will calm the coiling feeling in his stomach. “Do you think the school want to let me lead the media team, now that they know I’m omega?”

“You don’t want to lead the media team.”

“No, but still. It’s unfair that they probably would rather chose an alpha.”

“That’s true. We have suggested changes in the pupil’s council, by the way. Saying that genders shouldn’t determine what possibilities people get.”

“Good luck with that.”

Sana aims narrowed eyes at him and snorts. "Well, at least we’re trying to change things, Even." She sighs. “I’m glad you came out and told people. Maybe others will get inspired and do the same.”

Even can’t really believe that. 

“It would be cool if you could join the council, you know,” Sana says, and she looks both surprised and pleased with her own idea. “Or maybe you could tell your story? It could be really helpful.”

Even shakes his head. Just the thought of it makes his anxiety spike. “No. There’s no use anyway. And I have enough on my mind right now.”

Sana nods, and lets it be. She’s good, like that; she often knows when to push and when not to.   Even expects her to go back to her books, but she doesn’t. 

“So, you told everyone, huh?” Sana studies him. “Was it the thing with Isak that made you do it?”

“No, Sana! This was my choice.”

It was his choice, and he stands by it. He doesn’t regret it, not really. He doubts sometimes, yeah, but he feels a lot more free already. The boys are supportive, and they listen and they cheer him on.  Magnus asks for forgiveness a hundred times for being rude about omegas.  Isak is supportive , too, although he keeps looking sad for some reason. 

Even holds a sigh back, trying not to think about the fact that Isak doesn’t want him. He keeps seeing Isak with Jonas at school, like he's been cursed to have their relationship rubbed in his face since his and Isak's return to school. And whenever Even spends more than a moment with Isak, Isak treats Even so carefully it’s almost annoying. 

Maybe it's the universe trying to tell him something. Maybe his ex was right about him (stupid omega, disgusting omega). Maybe he's meant to be alone in life. To do everything, to survive on his own in the end.

“Good,” Sana says, and she looks pleased and almost a little emotional. “I mean, I don’t mind if Isak inspired you. Just. It’s cool that it was you who did it. That’s all. I’m proud of you.”

Even’s eyes sting and he needs to swallow.  _ Wow _ . Sana really cares. And shit, when did she become so mature? Sana had always been a know-it-all, but there’s a big difference between the smartass kid Even remembers and the young woman in front of him. Even can’t help it, he starts choking up. “Thanks, Sana.”

“Oh, shut up , ” she responds, but with a shining smile

Even smiles back, but it’s a sad smile. “I don’t know if I can take it, though,” he admits.

“Take what?”

Even sighs. He’s so deeply in love that he feels sick, and it sounds strange that he wants to hide from Isak, but he does. It’s so painful to try to act correctly around Isak. 

Whatever is going on between them that has Even wanting to lean into Isak’s space all the time just to leech his warmth and wrap himself in his smell, that makes him think Isak wouldn’t miss one of his snapbacks if he stole it just to take that home, that has him thinking about Isak all the time. . . that’s all temporary. A heat bond.

Even knows that. The problem is, that it’s getting stronger, and more difficult to handle. It takes more strength to not attack Isak with kisses every day, and Even’s getting more and more tired from it. It doesn’t really tempt him to continue going to this school where he has to see Isak every day.

“One thing is being out as an omega. What’s worse is being around an alpha I have bonded with and who doesn’t want me.” 

Sana frowns in confusion.  “Is it that bad?”

“Yeah. It’s that bad. It’s getting worse, you see. And I don’t know if it’s the bond or what, but it’s too much.”

Sana looks really confused now.  “Wow, I’ve never heard of bonds doing that, but I guess it might be so. Is it painful?”

“Tiring, I guess. The bonding sickness isn’t that bad anymore.”

He often still feels sick, but not as much as before, and the weird thing is that he fears  he’ll miss the bonding sickness, or at least miss what it means. He misses Isak already. Sometimes Even just misses talking to Isak. He misses laughing together. Sometimes he misses Isak holding him and fucking into him, too. He misses fucking into Isak. He misses the scent of him. And he just can’t take it anymore. 

“So what have you decided to do, then?”

Even shrugs. “I don’t know. Everything feels kinda hopeless now that everybody knows. I’m thinking about changing school.”

Sana practically glares at him. “Again?”

“Yeah. Again.”

“Sounds exhausting.  And to be honest, I can’t really believe you mean it. You have four months left.”

Even shrugs. She’s probably right. He’s not sure what he wants. But he does have a desperate wish to get away. 

“You really don’t have to do that, Even,” Sanas narrowed eyes are saying something more. They're saying,  _ get the hell out of the library and stop hiding from Isak _ .

It’s easier to stay away, at least a little. Maybe he can get through this day without getting emotional and weird and awkward around Isak. 

Sana doesn’t seem to agree. 

“Why don’t you go and talk to Isak, too, now that you’re trying out this talking business? You two need to communicate!”

Even gives Sana cheeky, tight smile that says, _nope,_ _I'm staying right here and there's nothing you can do to make me leave_.

“Look who’s talking,” he says, trying to deflect by talking about Sana and her own inability to say things to her friends. 

Five minutes later, Sana kicks him out of the library, of course. 

And apparently, today isn’t his lucky day, at all. Two minutes later he comes across Isak and Jonas in one of the corridors. He ducks behind a wall just in time to not be noticed by them. He's such a creep for sticking around, for peering around the edge of the wall at them but that's what he does.

The two of them are just sitting in a window sill together, talking. And there’s nothing special about that. And Even… Even has known Isak for a little while now, enough that he’s memorized the way Isak's lush eyelashes cast fans of shadows on those high cheekbones, the way that eyebrow rises up when he is amused, the way those luscious lips curl and straighten and bow whenever Isak speaks. Lips that Even has desired so much to kiss, for a long time. Lips that Even desires to kiss even now, more and more and more than ever.

Even has been fucked hard by Isak during their heats. Even has seen Isak naked. Even has seen Isak as a filthy, fucked out mess, with his hair tousled by Even’s fingers and that deceptively impassive face flushed.

Even has known Isak, just as well as Jonas.

And yet, it is Jonas who Isak sits with right now. It is Jonas who Isak has chosen as his lover, his mate. Jonas, who has no idea that Even had forced his boyfriend to fuck him through his heat.  _ Fuck _ .

Isak lifts his head and those big, brilliant, intense, beautiful deep green eyes lock onto Even’s wide ones in the split second before Even pivots and goes in the opposite direction.

Even goes home. He locks the door to his room and sits down heavily on the side of his cold, lonely couch in the semi-darkness. He wants to tell his own brain to fuck off, to stop being so dramatic, except… He can’t face Isak and now he feels bad and he misses Isak so much. 

He probably doesn’t deserve better.

_ Fuck. _

He lets out a shaky, wet sigh. Yeah… he really needs to leave Nissen (leave Isak). He finds his PC and starts searching for other schools. He'll have to leave (unless they boot him out first, which is far more likely, since he’s been so absent minded lately). And then he'll … he'll -

Even shuts his eyes. He bows his head. He sucks a breath, a deep and stable one, into his jittery chest.

Just then, his phone rings, shaking him out of it. He stares at the name on the screen. Mikael.  _ Fuck _ . He hesitates for a long moment before he lets his thumb accept the call.

“Hi?” he says, breathless.

“Hi, Even.”  Mikael’s voice is warm and familiar, but careful, too.

“Hi.”

“Is this okay? I’m just calling because Sana said it might be a good idea to contact you.”

“She did?”

_ Of course she did.  _ Even doesn’t know if he’s annoyed or thankful.

“Yeah. And, well. I miss you.” 

Even notices the old familiar tug in his gut, but is pleased to feel that it has weakened. “I miss you, too,” he says. “Sorry that I haven’t been there.” It sounds so light and easy, but he means it. 

“Yeah.”

It’s silent between them for a moment and Even wonders if he should say more, explain more. He wonders if Mikael has questions he’s holding back. 

“Are you guys good?” he asks in the end.

“Yeah,” Mikael says, and there’s a smile in his voice. “We’re just… messing around like always.

“Cool,” Even smiles.

“What about you?” Mikael asks.

Even sighs. “Are you calling to tell me not to change schools again?”

“Uhm, I suppose?!” Mikael says, slowly. “I don’t want to tell you to do anything, but Sana told me that you’re going through some rough stuff. I just… You know it’s a bad idea to run from it.”

He is right, of course. A part of Even knows that. 

“I guess…” Even mumbles.

“I mean… Did it make everything easier to move the last time?”

That’s the question, isn’t it.  Even rubs his forehead as his memories comes too close. “This is different. I feel like I’m tearing apart. I’ve met this… guy, and we spent our heat together, and he’s an alpha, and I feel so much for him and he doesn’t want me, and… fuck.”

“Fuck, that sounds rough. And I suspect you’re beating yourself up for it, too, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Even says, strangely relieved that Mikael gets it. “Actually, I think we have bonded. But this guy, Isak, he really doesn’t want it. He has someone else.”

It’s silent for a moment, and then it hits Even - Mikael must think it’s quite similar to what happened at Bakka. 

“I know this sounds very similar to things… uh, happening before, but. It’s not the same.”

“I know that,” Mikael says, solemnly. “Things were pretty bad at Bakka, and the kiss… was just a kiss. And you got sick, I think? Things got too difficult for you. Sana tells me you’re a lot stronger now.”

“Yeah.” Even has to smile a little. “She’s probably right. Plus, I’m medicated,” he says, chuckling to himself.

“What do you mean?”

“I uhm… I really was sick, Mikael. I had a manic episode. So. I found out that I have bipolar disorder.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Even sighed. “I really won the lottery, didn’t I? Being an pansexual omega with a mental illness! No wonder Isak don’t want me.”

“Cut it out,” Mikael growls, and for a moment he almost sounds like an alpha. “Don’t degrade yourself. I know these things aren’t easy, but they don’t make you less attractive or anything.”

_ Yeah?  _ Even wants to ask.  _ So why don’t you want me then? Why did my ex treat me like shit? Why doesn’t Isak want me?  _

His silence must be telling, because Mikael sighs. “I did like you, you know,” he mutters. “A lot. I just wasn’t ready. I probably should have told you that… a long time ago.”

Even’s lip part in shock. Mikael  _ did  _ like him? 

“I… uh…”

Mikael laughs a little.  “Yeah. I know it was hard with the rumours, and when I freaked out. Sorry about that, by the way.  I should have handled it all differently.  I was… uh, going through something.” 

“Right.” Even can’t believe it. “Are you serious, though?”

Mikael sighs. “Yeah, I am. In fact, I’m kinda surprised you didn’t notice. You can be very perceptive but you didn’t notice at all. As soon as I withdrew you closed down.”

Even swallows. “I guess I did. I felt so ashamed.”

“I get that. But. You don’t need to feel ashamed, Even. Things happened, and we had kinda bad luck, or bad timing or whatever.”

Even exhaled and it felt like he breathed out several kilograms that had been holding him down. “Yeah.”   

“So , yeah, my point is. I can see that things are different now. It sounds hard with this Isak guy.”

Even shuts his eyes and acknowledges it.  “It is.”

“Yeah. Still. I am kinda glad that you have bonded. It can still turn into something good. And is it worth it to leave? Did all the bad stuff disappear when you changed your school?”

Even breathes slowly and thinks.  Moving to another school sounds like a lot of hassle now that he thinks about this.  “I don’t know, maybe not?”

“Yeah, maybe not,” Mikael says and Even can hear a smile in his voice.  “I’m just saying that you should think it over, before you do something too impulsive. It’s like, you have five months left of school. Think about it.”

“Well, yeah, I can do that.”

They finish their call talking surprisingly easily, considering how long it is since they spoke last. Mikael tells him small anecdotes from the boys and Even tells him some of the things happening in his life. It’s really not that bad.

As they hang up, Even feels for the first time that it might be possible to meet up with the old gang again sometime. Which is ironic, since he’s decided not to do the same as he did at Bakka. He’s not going to move.

He'll figure something out.  _ He will.  _ He always does. He doesn't believe in no-win situations, and he isn't about to now. When it comes to Isak – He will have to find a way to cope. And he can live on the memories of being with that amazing, smart, sweet, annoying guy. 

It will have to be enough. 

 

##  **Isak: The Text**

The look on Even’s face when Isak catches his eye in the hallway stabs.  His beautiful blue eyes are wide, and his mouth is twisted in an odd way and his nose is flared, almost as if he’s disgusted.  Maybe this is why he’s been avoiding Isak for the last few days. If Isak is so disgusting, then Even not wanting to be with him makes far too much sense.  The sickness from the bond has started to dissipate. It’s not gone, but it’s losing its power. They can go for longer apart before the pain drives them back together.  And Even has taken full advantage of that, staying away for as long as possible between meetings. They stare at each other for a split second before Even spins on the spot and practically runs away.

‘Wasn’t that Even?” Jonas asks.  He’s looking at Isak with a quiet, calm expression.  But behind the chill exterior, there’s curiosity in his voice and that telltale glint in his eye.  Isak recognizes it from when Jonas last had a special project. That he’s turning it on Isak right now is not a good sign.  He huffs, squirms, tries to keep his eyes away from Jonas’s. He doesn’t need to become someone’s pet project.

Isak tilts his chin in defiance, trying to avoid Jonas’s sharp eyes.  “Yeah, it was. So what?”

“So what’s going on with him?  He tells everyone he’s an omega and then he just … splits.  And you don’t care?”

There’s something careful in Jonas’s voice, something that speaks of how volatile he thinks the situation is.  How volatile he thinks Isak is. He’s asking why Isak is acting so unlike himself, but he’s being so delicate as if he thinks Isak might explode.  That stings. Moreso because Isak knows it’s valid; he has been a little off lately.

“It’s not that I don’t care,” Isak protests.  “It’s that he doesn’t want me, and I may be an alpha, but I’m not a fucking asshole and I’m not forcing myself on some unwilling omega.”

Jonas snorts and pushes his shoulder.  “‘Some unwilling omega.’ Listen to yourself, Isak.  That’s not you talking; you don’t treat people like things.”

Isak shrugs, uncomfortable with that line of discussion.  He knows Jonas is right; he doesn’t treat people like things.  But this thing with Even has him all turned inside out and the bravado he’s trying to wear to get through it isn’t working very well.  

“Whatever,” he mumbles.  “He’s an omega and everyone knows it, so what?”

Jonas apparently senses that Isak is becoming irritated because he drops the matter and moves on to something stupid that Magnus has said.  Isak sighs in relief. He doesn’t know how to approach Even with all of this. He made it very clear that he’s not into Isak, and that’s fine.  It’s not like Isak has spent his life yearning for a bond; it’s always scared him, still does if he’s entirely honest. So Isak definitely doesn’t  _ want _ this thing, and it’s all settling down anyway.  Soon enough it’ll be gone and Isak won’t have to worry about sickness again.  That’s a  _ good _ thing, and any lingering sadness about that idea is just Isak’s body being an asshole to him.

“You coming to that party?” Jonas asks, finally, once it becomes clear that Isak has lost the thread of the conversation.

Isak shrugs.  “I don’t know.  I’m not sure Even will want me there, and Sana says he’s going.”

The fact that she was weirdly insistent is something Isak’s not comfortable explaining to Jonas.  He’s pretty sure that Jonas would use that to push Isak into going; he’s always had a strange way of doing what Sana wants him to.  Not that it matters anyway; it doesn’t seem like Jonas is giving up regardless of how circumspect Isak is being. It’s clear that he really has made Isak into his special little project of the day.

As if to ram that idea home, Jonas says, “you can’t live your life worried about what he’s going to think and do.  Just, do whatever the fuck you like and if he’s there, he’s there. If he’s not … no harm done.”

“You make it sound easy.”

Jonas rolls his eyes.  “It is easy. You’re a fucking alpha.  Enjoy yourself a little and stop moping around like a dickhead.”

“Fuck you,” Isak says, making sure he sounds suitably annoyed.  But deep in his heart, he knows Jonas is right. He has to stop second guessing everything, and what better way to do it than by just going to this party like there’s no reason to give a fuck?  If Even’s there, he’s there, as Jonas says, but that’s no reason for Isak to stay home like a loser. “Okay, Jonas. I’m in.”

“Yessss,” Jonas crows.  “We’ll have the squad back together for once, and it’ll be epic.”

 

It all seems so good, such a great idea, in the build up to the party.  The boys are happy, enjoying their time planning who’s going to bring the beer and who’s going to source some weed.  Magnus pesters Isak a bit about Even and what he should say to make it better, and Mahdi and Jonas help Isak with shutting down his more outrageous ideas.  There’s a warmth that sits in isak’s chest when he’s with the boys, and it makes him think that going to the party is not such a terrible idea after all.

It would all be perfect if not for one thing.  Even and the weakening of the bond sickness.

Even doesn’t come near Isak at all during the remainder of the week, though Isak does spot him sometimes, hovering near enough to dull the pain and nausea but not near enough to have to interact.  Whenever Isak looks up, he can see Even’s eyes on him, the blue obvious even at these distances, and his beautiful lips always pursed downwards into a frown. 

Isak tries smiling at Even, raising his brows in invitation and giving a nod at their table.  Even’s face just closes down even more, his eyes flick towards the other guys Isak’s sitting with, and he turns away with a frown.  It offends something in Isak, some primal alpha part of him, that this guy just refuses to have anything to do with him. But the other part of him, the part that  _ needs _ to  _ know _ stuff, starts running scenarios.  

_ Did _ Isak violate Even’s boundaries in the heat room?  Is that why Even doesn’t want anything to do with Isak now that the bond pains are diminishing?  Or was he so offended that Isak was treating him like a delicate flower that he doesn’t want anymore to do with him?  There must be  _ something _ about Isak that has made Even so revolted, or so offended, that he’s acting this way.  Isak doesn’t know much about bonds, but he knows enough to know that it’s unusual when bonded pairs don’t end up following through with their promise.

The ping of his phone brings him out of his thoughts and he glances down.  Mamma has sent another of her damn bible verses.  _ I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the origin and the fulfillment _ .  Isak sighs, and his eyes swim with tears.  The origin and the fucking fulfillment. The fulfillment of all her dreams, and no chance to be his own fucking person.  He’s so  _ tired _ of all this.  Tired of pretending that he’s going to do the right thing.  Tired of his mother thinking that one day he’s going to meet a nice omega girl and they’ll settle down and have nice kids in a nice house.  Tired of pretending that he’s pure and that heats aren’t a thing. It all serves to make him reckless, and he lets his fingers hover over the phone for only a few seconds before he starts typing.

_ I’m gay, mamma, _ he shoots back.   _ I have a heat bond with an omega.  A boy omega. I’m sorry if that makes you sad. _

_ There, it’s done, _ he thinks.   _ She can hate me now, and I can just live with whatever comes. _  All this time, Isak’s been so scared of his own shadow because his very body is a sin to her.  The way it reacts to Even is wrong, the way it makes him lust and want is sinful, his heat is an abomination.  So Isak’s been pretending that he doesn’t have those feelings or those urges. But now it’s in the open and he can stop lying to everyone and to himself.  His mamma is just going to have to deal with all of that in whatever way works for her.

She doesn’t answer, and the rest of the week drags for Isak as he waits and hopes he hasn’t alienated her any further.  Even keeps his distance and it all seems so stupid now. he’s probably ruined his relationship with his mother, and for what?  A bond that his partner seems to be actively trying to disengage from.

 

The party itself is nothing special.  It’s a bunch of kids in someone’s home, drinking too much, listening to terrible music and laughing too loud.  It’s nothing special, but Isak is loving it anyway. He hasn’t seen Even, and while that means he’s still sick and there’s an empty ache sitting in his chest, it also means Isak can relax and enjoy the time with his friends.  They’re sitting in a bathtub, smoking weed and just talking about nothing. It’s chill. Here they all are: two alphas, a beta and a regular, and yet none of that matters here. They’re just four guys getting high and being dumb.

Isak takes a hit and leans back against the wall.  He looks at his friends and he feels content. He has no Even, the bond is weakening, and that part of his life is going back to how it used to be.  Only, he’s grown a lot. There’s no fuck buddy stuff anymore, no Jonas as a partner in that way, and yet what they have now is stronger somehow. As if Isak being more open has loosened some barriers between them.  Isak may not have Even, and in a lot of ways that still hurts, but he has this. He thinks that over time, and once the sickness is gone and the bond loses its power, maybe he can have Even’s friendship and that would a lot in itself.  

As if on cue, his phone chimes again.  Isak glances down and freezes. Mamma. With his heart pounding, he excuses himself from the bath and makes his way out into the hallway.  It’s crowded out here but no one important can see his reactions. So he takes a breath and slides the phone’s screen open.

_ Isak my son.  I’m not sad. You are who you are and I love you.  If you have a bond then this is right. You are the origin, he is the fulfillment. That is how it is, was, and always has been, meant to be. _

Isak stares at the words for so long they go blurry in front of his eyes. He can barely see when he types the next words, but he has to  _ know, _ has to make sure she really understands what he’s saying.   _ It’s a heat bond, mamma.  You know what that means. _

_ I do.  It’s okay, Isak.  This is what’s meant to be. _

If only that were true, Isak thinks, but his heart is lighter.  Isak’s never wanted a bond, he’s always worried that it’s something dirty and disgusting.  Something his mother will never accept. Yet here she is, telling him in so many words that what has happened and is happening is okay.  That’s Isak isn’t dirty. 

He makes his way back into the bathroom and flops down into the tub next to Jonas.

“Give me some of that, man,” he says, grabbing for the weed.  Jonas laughs and holds it away from him.

“Get your own!”

“Hey!  I provided the beer, and Eskild was hard to convince this time so you owe me some of that.”

Laughing, Jonas relents.  

“Oh, hey!” Magnus says, the excitement in his voice palpable.  “Speaking of Eskild … did you hear that Even’s leaving school?”

Isak freezes mid-drag.  “What?” he says as he splutters on the smoke that suddenly chokes his throat.

“Yeah, Eskild was saying that Noora told him that Sana said that Even’s leaving.”

Not even trying to figure out the intricacies of that little line up, Isak focuses on the main point.  Even’s leaving. He was right. Something Isak has said or done has caused Even so much stress that he’s going to leave the school rather than have to be around Isak.  Worse, things are at such a place between them that Even didn’t even bother to tell Isak at all. Despite the bond and everything that’s supposed to mean.

Well, there’s just one thing for it.  Isak may not be an alpha who will force himself onto someone unwilling, but he’s sure as fuck not going to sit here and let Even just walk away without talking about it. 

“Fuck,” he says.  “I’ve got to go.”

He passes the weed to Magnus and climbs out of the bath again.  Magnus is gaping at him, the weed dangling between his fingers and confusion stamped all over his face. 

“Why do you care?” Magnus asks.

“Because I’m gay, because I’m bonded with Even and I’m not letting him walk away without at least talking to me.”

“You’re gay?”

“I’m gay, yes, Magnus.  Keep up.” Isak takes a breath and turns to the door.  “I’m gay and I’m going to go talk to Even.”

As he leaves the room with the boys' cheers following him, Isak’s mother’s words sustain him.   _ You are the origin, he is the fulfillment. _  That must mean something, right?  And even if it doesn’t, Isak can’t just sit back and passively watch as his bondmate walks away.  He’s a fucking alpha, and he can damn well talk to the omega he’s falling for before he lets him just slip right out of his hands.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 11! Things are happening. There will be talking! Imagine that! Thank you, all of you that are reading this strange fic we are writing. And most of all thank you to all of you who have heard us rant and worry about it. <3 We love you. So. Only two chapters left + an epilogue. We hope you’ll like it. :)
> 
> Please leave us a comment, it makes us so happy.

##  **Even: The Talk**

Even is considering going home. He doesn’t know why he is still at the party, to be honest. He has chatted a little with Sana and some other people, but every time he eyes Isak he just feels miserable. He wanders down the hall and when he finds a door open, he looks inside. Maybe it’s a place he can hide for a bit. He walks inside and finds that it’s someone’s office or hobby room, with bookshelves and a soft looking sofa. Not bad.

He studies the book titles trying to ignore the empty feeling in his gut. He doesn’t feel much of the bond sickness anymore, and the weird part is… he really misses it.  Misses the way it let him know he was connected to Isak. But he particularly misses it because with every moment that passes and it weakens, it’s another reminder. A reminder that this will all soon be over and he loses his connection to Isak forever.

He is picking up an old pocket book when he feels it. The small remainder of the bond unease disappears, and he feels warm. Even has to suck in a long breath before he turns around. Isak is in the doorway.  

"You have been avoiding me," Isak says, standing there quietly. How Isak can be so damn _beautiful_ is beyond Even's understanding. His hair is busy and he has an air of weed around him, but he looks focused. Controlled.  "And now I hear that you’re planning to leave Nissen?"

Even swallows hard. He sucks in a long breath that fills his lungs with Isak's sweet scent. He must be imagining Isak grinding his teeth while saying that last sentence because Isak has no reason to feel like that. Even doesn't know what to say that won't be bullshit, because, _yeah, it’s true_. He has been avoiding Isak lately.

He feels like such a _coward_ when he looks down instead of answering Isak, grabbing a random book up because he doesn't know what the fuck else to do with his hands.

"You can’t even look at me?"

Even looks up, his eyes wide, the book still in hand. Okay, he _must_ have imagined the hurt in Isak's voice. He must have. There's no reason for Isak to be hurt or angry, is there?

“I.. uh…” Even's fingers clench around the paperback in his hands.

Isak takes another step forward. "You have been avoiding me since we kissed, well, except when we needed each other to ease the pain. And now, you are … leaving."

Even's hands are white-knuckled around the book they grip. He's just imagining the feeling, the _ache_ in Isak's voice. He must be. He swallows past a boulder in his throat. "It’s been rough at school, and… I have been thinking about leaving, yeah."

Isak looks pale, and Even can’t figure out why. “But you only have like… four months left before you graduate?”

Even’s confused about the emotion in Isak’s voice. He’s about to reply that he _knows_ that, and that he’s decided not to quit, after all, but Isak interrupts him.

"Why?" Isak mutters. “You haven’t said anything. Can you tell me why?”

Even swallows yet again. Fuck, how can he explain this?  "I can't. I _can't_ , Isak, I -" Even sets down the book in the bookshelf behind him. Takes a deep breath. "I don’t know what to say. Can’t you just leave it be?"

Isak stares at him and puts his chin forward. “No.”

“No?”

“No, you can’t just do this." Isak’s voice is firm, and for a moment very much alpha. “You’re talking about leaving, and you won’t even give me a reason?” His eyes are piercing and he almost looks angry. "Okay. Let me guess the reason then!"

And fuck, now he really _does_ look angry. His cheeks are getting red and he throws his arms out. "It must be pretty bad if you’re choosing to change school again. It must be the heat. Is it?” Isak doesn’t wait for an answer, he just goes on. "In that room, we were both overcome by our heats. But I still could restrain myself. I should have stopped you but I didn’t.” His voice raises again, as if he’s not really in control of it.  It’s holding a hint of alpha aggression, but behind that it seems very sad, vulnerable almost, when he gets out the final words. “My guess is that you went through with it without really wanting it and now you regret it."

Even's brow creases with confusion even as he stares wide-eyed at Isak's face. Whoa, _whoa_ , wait a goddamn _minute_ here, what is Isak _saying_ -

"I took advantage of you,” Isak continues, looking horrified, as if he can’t quite believe he’s saying these things, the words forced between his lips as if it pains him. "I allowed myself to be _controlled_ by my heat, while you must have hurt; you shut your eyes and said it was just a heat bond and -"

"Isak, I didn’t -"

"I should have stopped -"

"Isak -"

Isak doesn’t seem to hear him at all, he just stares at the ground. "Fuck, I’m sorry -”

Even almost shouts: "Isak, you didn’t hurt me!"

Isak stares at him. "Really?” The sadness in his eyes sucks the air out of Even."We said that it was only a heat bond and that everything would be fine. At first I thought everything was fine, too, but now you avoid me. So I guess that the reason you are leaving Nissen…” he swallows,"... is me." His voice has gone even more gravelly, and his eyes are weary and resigned.

Even reaches for Isak. " _Isak_." Isak's upper arms are hard in Even's grasp. "You listen to me, Isak!" Even says, staring Isak in the eye and daring Isak to glance away. "You didn't take advantage of me. I said yes."

"You weren’t yourself -"

Even interrupts him with an annoyed groan. "Fuck, I’m tired of people telling me when I’m myself and not." He pushes Isak with both hands. "I remember every moment, Isak. I knew _exactly_ what was happening the whole time and _I gave my consent_. You heard me."

"Yeah, but -"

Even squeezes his hands around the firm muscles of Isak's biceps. He inhales shakily, then sighs aloud. "If anything, _I'm_ the one who took advantage of _you_. You were just as gone as me."

They stare into each other's eyes for seconds, for an infinity.

Then carefully, Even lifts his right hand to Isak's face and cups its left cheek in his palm. Isak's skin is as hot and smooth as he remembers it. Isak is staring into his eyes like he is staring into Isak's. Isak is… shivering.

"Then why you are leaving?" Isak rasps, his lips moving a mere inch away from Even's hand and there are unshed tears in his eyes and a pain in his voice.

Even's inhalation this time is even more shaky. He strokes Isak's cheek with his thumb, and his heart leaps in his chest when Isak leans into the touch.

“I’m not really leaving,” he admits, feeling embarrassment burn in his cheeks. “It was kind of dramatic of me to think that I should.”

“Oh,” Isak says, and blinks. And blinks again, as if he’s trying to get his tears under control. Even wants to pull him into a close hug, but he keeps stroking Isak’s cheek instead. Isak has gotten it all wrong. What the _hell_ is he on about? If Even had _not_ wanted to have sex with Isak, Even wouldn't have _hurled himself at Isak_ . He would have fought off Isak, at least until they could go home and Isak could have sex with _Jonas_ instead -

Jonas.

 _Oh fuck_.

Even drops his hand from Isak's face and takes a step back.

“What?” Isak says, blinking as if coming out of a haze.  He looks confused. “Why are you avoiding me? You keep pulling back.”

Even bites his lower lip hard, and he’s thinking about lying. Lying so that Isak won't be burdened by him and his issues, so that Isak's life won't be _damned_ like his to be one of regrets.

But if there's one thing his old friends, Sana and probably Isak too, have found out about Even already – it's that he totally _sucks_ at lying when it comes to feelings. Isak deserves an explanation, too, and maybe he can give Isak something, if not all.

"I need to tell you something,” he says, taking a step back so he’s not quite so overwhelmed by Isak’s presence.

“Okay," Isak says, looking at him closely, waiting for him to continue..

Even thinks for a moment to find the right words. “I have issues, I guess. Being an omega doesn’t come easy to me. It makes me doubt… everything. And my bipolar disorder makes me fuck up things all the time, too. That’s why I left Bakka and started at Nissen in the first place. I fucked up everything."

"Okay?" Isak’s not getting it.  His puzzlement is there in his voice and in his eyes, green pools of doubt and confusion.

Even takes a deep breath, tries to work out what to say to help Isak comprehend. "I have hurt the ones I love, Isak. And I’m gonna fuck up again, and hurt you. You’re better off without me."

Even had expected everything around him to abruptly implode upon saying those words to Isak. But nothing happens.  Isak stares at him. Blinks.

“So _that’s_ why,” Even finishes.

Isak closes his mouth and purses his lips. He stares at Even. Stares and stares, then says hoarsely, "You don’t get to decide if I’m better off without you."

Even's fingers tighten around each other, but he maintains eye contact with Isak. "I guess not," he whispers, as his arms begin to quiver.

"You wanted to hide this from me." Isak's arms are now at his sides. Isak's hands are in fists and they're quivering too. "You wanted to just leave without telling me anything -"

" _You're with Jonas_ , Isak!" Even says, throwing his arms out. "You're in a relationship with, and maybe in love with, _someone else_ , not me! I _know_ that, okay?! Jonas is probably the one you wanna _bond_ with so I'm not going to _ruin_ that happiness for you, don't you understand that?!”  Even’s panting, weirdly exhilarated now that he’s said the words that have been weighing on his mind for so long.  He sucks in a breath, tries to steady his voice before he says the next bit. Because it’s important. Isak has to _know._  Because that look on his face, that hopeful look, is too much when Even knows he’s just going to ruin it all.  “And this disorder, it’s not… I fuck up things a lot, Isak. Don't you understand that I don't wanna be a fucking _burden_ for you?! That I'm _giving you a choice_?!"

He instantly feels like a brat – the overgrown brat Sana teases him to be – but his eyes are also stinging and he's finding it more and more difficult to just _breathe_.

Isak’s are green and deep and Even wonders how in hell they’re going to solve this.

"No," he hears Isak say.  
  
Even scrunches his eyes shut, crossing his arms over his heaving chest. _Great, just grea_ t.  So Isak doesn't understand; Isak doesn't understand that Even's doing this for Isak's own good, that Isak has his entire life ahead of him and should go out and find someone else to love without being chained to some – some deceitful, disgusting omega like him -  
  
"Even," Isak says, gently, as if his name means something to Isak, (and it just can't be, can it?). "Jonas and I aren’t together. We were fuck buddies for a while, but _he’s_ not the one I yearn to bond with. And you are not a burden, Even. Never."  
  
It takes a long time, a very long time, for Isak's declaration to register on Even's overwhelmed mind. His heart appears to react first as it starts to beat faster. "You – you and Jonas … you're not together?"  
  
"Nope.” Isak takes one step towards him, gazing at him with eyes that seem brighter. "We never really were, but there was kind of a thing.  But -” he stops and lets his lips twitch into a smile as he stares at Even with those big green, sincere eyes, “I should have ended it right after the heat, but it took me a couple of days to get that."  
  
Even blinks in bafflement. "Since then?" he rasps, his hands loosening, his arms falling to his sides as the tension drains away from his body, his being. "You … you'd wanted to end things with Jonas because of… me?"  He can’t quite believe it, needs the confirmation of Isak’s nod.  
  
"Yeah. Even." Isak replies, those deep green eyes so beautiful and bright. “I really like you, dork.”

Even still can’t believe it. “But, it’s just… the scent, isn’t it? The fact that I’m an omega.”

Isak frowns. Stares at him. “Isn’t it pretty obvious that I want you for more than that? I mean, I liked you long before I knew, anyway.”

Even understands what Isak says. He understands, but his mind is still reeling, reeling from it all and it's too much, it's too much. It's too good to be true. “You really did?”

“Yeah,” Isak says, keeping his gaze steadily. “I noticed you when you started at Nissen.”

“Whoa.” Even is filled with awe. They had both noticed each other from the start. It wasn’t just the heat! He takes a step nearer to Isak. "Tell me why. Why do you like me?"

"Even, I couldn’t forget you, that’s why."

Even feels like he's flying. He feels like he's flying, soaring and soaring in the sky. It's too good to be true. It has to be too good to be true, that Isak wants him too.

This time, it is Isak who reaches out with one hand, who touches and cups Even's cheek in his palm. Even gasps at the sensation upon contact; there’s a warm, tingling feeling. It's almost as if something warm within Isak is trying to merge with something within Even, to grow stronger and lasting. Is it the bond between them?

 

##  **Isak: The Bond**

_I couldn’t forget you._ The admission feels huge. Too much. But there’s no way back now; it’s out there.

Even tilts his head, looks at Isak. His gaze becomes heavy, thoughtful.  Isak’s throat goes dry as Even curves one side of his mouth into a teasing smile.  Isak’s heart begins to pound. His hands shiver.

“You like me,” Even says. “Me, not just _this_. Not just an omega to warm your bed and look good with you?”

Isak works his jaw, then shakes his head.  Marveling once again at how he ended up with such a _dork_ . “Like I have ever cared about things like that, you… idiot. Yeah, I like _you_. I tried to tell myself it was just the heat but I’ve liked you for a long time.”

Even’s eyes are shining.

“But you,” Isak continues, “I thought you didn’t like me at all. You looked like you couldn’t stand me.”

Even stares at him, his eyes wide and hopeful. “No! I just… It was difficult. I thought you were with Jonas, and… I knew. I wanted you so much but I… couldn’t bear knowing that you didn’t want the bond, or me."  

"Oh, baby," Isak murmurs without thinking. "That’s so...  wrong."

“Really?” Even swallows.

“Yeah, really.”

Even takes a step closer, lets his gaze rest on Isak.  It feels like a weight settling on him as that gaze falls over his face and body.  It’s nice, though, makes Isak feel grounded, even while he feels like he’s five feet off the ground from what he’s heard tonight.  

“Well, I like you a lot, Isak.”

Isak smiles widely, feels the warmth of those words tingling through his entire body.  It must be the bond, connecting them more firmly now that they’re accepting it. He drags his tongue across his lower lip, gazing at Even from under his eyelashes. “You don’t mind me calling you baby, anymore, then?”

Even blushes. “No. No, I don’t mind, as long as I get to call you the same.”

A wave of heat flows through Isak at the words, at what they imply.  Trying to act at least a little casual, Isak nods. “Sounds fair,” he says, and Even grins.

Isak cradles the side of Even's jaw in his palm. He strokes his thumb across Even's warm lower cheek. “And you should stop that stupid holding back stuff.” He now sees the fine lines of fatigue at the corners of Even's eyes and around his lips. "You look tired," he murmurs.

A small smile lurks around Even’s mouth. “It’s fine,” he says. “I guess it’s been a little tough to hold back. I guess the bond is getting stronger. I want to kiss you all the time.”

Isak nods. “So is the bond what gives this warm, tingling sensation between us? Like when we just touched?"

Oh, there's that lovely pink flush spreading across Even's face. "Yeah, I think so. After realizing that you like me, too, it’s tricky to hold back -"

"Don't do that, then." Isak wraps his arms tightly around Even and presses his face to the side of his long neck, against Even's pulse hammering there. The heat isn’t coursing in Isak’s blood so much anymore, but Even’s scent is still there, tantalising.  Tangy, sweet, like woodsmoke and fresh grass. Isak inhales, lets himself drown in the scent. His own pulse pounds in response, an age-old calling to another person. Isak’s dick reacts, but it feels more controlled now, the remnants of the heat lending excitement but no real compulsion.

Isak shivers, breathes out and is rewarded with a shaky intake of breath from Even.  He pulls back to look into his eyes and the dark desire in them makes Isak’s own mouth drop open as he licks his lips.  He pulls Even into him, lets himself kiss those soft pink lips. Soft, oh so _soft_ lips.  Isak kisses and kisses and kisses, heat building as he licks into Even’s mouth and robbing Isak of his breath and balance.

It’s a wrench to pull back, to look and look rather than kiss and kiss, but Isak makes himself do it.  Even’s in front of him, so beautiful and so willing, panting slightly with his hair mussed up and his lips kissed red and raw.  The sight is so reminiscent of their time in the heat room that Isak’s body responds unconsciously to it. Fire pools in him, rushing down to his dick which he presses against Even in deliberate suggestion.

“Even,” he sighs.  “I want … I want you.”  

Even’s eyes glaze over at the words, a whine escaping as he responds, and Isak feels a momentary impulse to _take_ again, to make this omega his for real, but he suppresses it.  Since his talk with Jonas, Isak has started to notice the ways his body reacts when it’s acting on instinct, but he’s beginning to recognize that he can control it, that his rational self doesn’t have to give in.  That he can choose when he wants to respond and not be dictated to by his biology, apart from when he’s deep in the throes of heat; there’s very little arguing with it then. So maybe there’s something in what Jonas said.  Maybe it’s not so much a ‘fuck you’ attitude, aggression and overactive hormones that make Isak an alpha. Maybe it really is his brain.

Even so, even if Isak can control it, that doesn’t mean he always wants to.  Right now, he may not want to take from someone unwilling, but he still really wants to fuck.  “We need to go somewhere else. I want you alone.”

“Yeah,” Even breathes.  “I want you to fuck me. Just you, just me. No heat.”

“Just us,” Isak agrees, then takes Even’s hand and draws him back out into the party.  

It’s loud, the music thumping through Isak’s head so reminiscent of the bond headache that he almost winces at the sudden intrusion.  Being with Even now, with the bond accepted and reciprocated, has made everything fall away. That makes this sudden dump back into a world of other people feel like a real imposition. The pounding of the music might remind Isak of the earlier time and all the pain and sickness surrounding it, but it can’t intrude.  He’s not going to let it.

Instead, he focuses on the way he feels with Even.  There’s a warmth pooling through Isak’s chest and spreading out to his fingertips, and the longer he’s with Even the stronger that feeling is becoming.  Wondering why he ever wanted to push back against having a bond, Isak grips Even’s hand more tightly and picks up his pace on their way to the door. There may be not heat anymore (or not too much), but the need for Even is singing in Isak’s veins anyway.  

Isak stops in the middle of the dance floor with the music thumping around them and bodies twisting with the insistent beat.  Isak doesn’t care about the place or the noise; he doesn’t even care that they are surrounded by people who might see them and _know._  The desperation to touch Even is consuming him now.  He pulls Even into him, presses his nose into Even’s pulse point again, then growls.  He wants to take and take and fuck and fuck, but they need to get out of here and away from the busybodies who might see and judge.  Though really … fuck them. Isak bites down on Even’s neck, gently but with enough force to drag a helpless whine from deep in Even’s throat.

His alpha instinct is kicking in, but Isak manages to step back a little, smile at Even and turn again towards the door.  He holds out his hand again and Even takes it. This time they make it outside, and this time it’s Even who halts their progress.  Even who pulls Isak to him. Even who licks into Isak’s mouth, his breath hot and sweet as he demands possession. It thrills Isak.  He’s always loved the way he can push, hard, against another alpha. They’ve always been his partners of choice, never willing to give up and give in.  And here’s Even, an omega, doing the same. It strikes Isak that it might be the same with Even as an omega as with him as an alpha - being born as an omega doesn’t have to define him or decide how he acts.

In the end, it doesn’t really matter what the reason is. It just feels different this time, from his earlier relationships. Headier. There’s more promise, more sense of something _right._  Isak moans into the moment and Even pulls back and grins his crinkly fucking amazing grin with his blue blue eyes that Isak could drown in forever.

“My place?” Even says, his voice harsh and raspy, enough to melt the very bones off Isak’s body.

“I don’t fucking care.  So long as we get somewhere soon and get naked.”

 

They burst through the door of Even’s apartment a few minutes later, and Even calls a perfunctory, “halla!” into the silence.  There’s no answer and he crows a little as he kicks off his shoes then drags Isak behind him into his bedroom. There’s no time to pay much attention to his surroundings before Even’s mouth is on his again, hot and desperate, but Isak has enough time to notice the art on the walls and the guitars in one corner.  

“I want … fuck, I want all of you, open and desperate on your bed,” Isak growls.  There’s an answering shiver in Even’s body and he nods. He drags his shirt over his head, then tugs impatiently on Isak’s while kicking off his pants and underwear.

“Jesus, Even, just … come here,” Isak demands as he throws his own clothes into the jumble with Even’s.  “I need to feel you again. See if it’s as fucking hot as I remember.”

Even licks his lips as his gaze drifts down Isaks body, snagging on his cock, which is rigid and of which Isak is fairly proud.  The look in Even’s eyes suggests he’s pretty happy too.

“I’ve been thinking about you,” he says as his gaze returns to Isak’s face but with a heightened color on his cheeks and a gleam in his eye. “Every day I remember that dick and what you do with it.”

“Me too, baby.” Isak reaches out to caress Even, lets his hand wander down his chest and linger on his hard dick, reveling in the way it responds to his touch, warm and heavy and just as good as Isak remembers.  “Every time I had to help myself during the heat I imagined you with me, and fuck I came so much harder than I ever have.” He grips firmly now, eliciting a really gorgeous whimper from Even. “Let’s see if we can top that experience today, hmmm?”

“Fuck, Isak,” Even says, closing his eyes as Isak starts to stroke.  “I won’t fucking survive.”

“Oh I think you will, baby.”

Isak speeds up his hand, takes a visceral pleasure in the way Even’s breathing speeds up in response, and then tucks his head into Even’s neck again.  He’s not going to bite properly, not yet. But he nips gently, and the rasp of his teeth on Even’s sensitive skin makes him whine and convulse, presses his body more tightly against Isak’s.

Then Even’s hands are on Isak’s dick, hot and possessive. His strokes are sure and confident, making Isak pant hard himself, then Even’s teeth are scraping over Isak’s neck and he’s shuddering from the intensity of the feelings. It’s heat and fire and electricity, and Isak can’t focus at all.

“Baby,” he whines. “Baby, let me worship you.”

Isak runs his hands down Even’s chest, over his beautiful hips, then drops to his knees to see that glorious dick right in front of his lips. He looks up and up, over the expanse of Even’s body, his long lean muscles tensed and his chest heaving. Isak looks up into Even’s flushed face and desperate gaze. Holding that gaze he darts his tongue out, tastes the tip where liquid has started to pool. The precome is bitter on his lips, but the way Even’s eyes flutter closed and his fingers slide into Isak’s hair make Isak feel like a god.  He closes his lips around the tip and sucks.

This is one thing Isak has never done.  It always seemed too intimate, too much like weakness, when he was with his fuck buddies. Too gay. But here and now, with Even towering over him, Isak wants to do it. He wants to give everything to this boy who has given so much to Isak.  He wants to treasure Even, to keep him safe, to make him scream with pleasure.

He takes more in, gaining confidence as Even’s fingers scrabble for stability and the pull of that grip on Isak’s hair becomes almost painful.  Isak grips Even at the base and adds a stroke of his hand every time he sucks, and Even’s whining, his cries high pitched and breathless. Isak looks up again, finds Even’s eyes fixed helplessly on Isak’s and a surge of empowerment hits him. It’s always felt like weakness, the idea of this, but Isak has Even like putty in his hands. He can’t do anything but ride out the feelings. The feelings Isak has given him with just his lips and fingers.

Even’s hips start to buck, and Isak drops Even’s dick to press his fingers into them, holding him in place. Even’s answering moan makes Isak’s dick twitch and he speeds up, twirls his tongue under the head of Even’s dick. It’s enough. Even stills, tenses, his body going rigid under Isak’s fingers and then there’s salty liquid spurting into Isak’s mouth.  

He swallows, holding Even’s eyes the entire time. Even looks wrecked, his hair matted to his forehead and sweat gleaming on his chest as he tries to get his breathing under control and shudders through the final throes. Isak drops his dick and sits back, staring up in fascination as Even finally lets go of his death grip on Isak’s hair.

He stands, drags Even into him, kisses into his mouth with bruising intensity.  Even responds, licking into Isak’s mouth, searching for the traces of his own pleasure.  With a final nip of Even’s lower lip, Isak pulls back.

“You’re amazing,” Even says, his voice still harsh and rough from the moans Isak had pulled from him.  He runs his fingers up and over Isak’s lips, tracing the puffiness Isak can feel. “I want … fuck, I want to do that to you.”  His eyes take on a dark, intense look. “Can I do that?”

There’s a promise in those eyes.  A promise that Even’s going to give as good as he got.

“Yeah,” Isak breathes, shivering with anticipation.  “You can.”

As Even kisses him, pouring his affection into every caress of his lips, Isak wonders again how he got so lucky. To be with someone like Even who gives Isak everything he ever wanted. The sex during their heats was hot; Isak’s not going to deny that. But this is almost better. Bringing Even to his knees when it’s just Isak, and there are no hormones driving them together, has given him a sense of delight he hadn’t known existed. Having Even push back against Isak makes it all even better. Every experience Isak has had to date has just been fucking.  Some really great fucking, to be sure, but this is _more_.  This is real and it feels like the start of something rather than a means to an end.  

Even’s fingers trail down Isak’s body and he sighs into the feeling as his skin lights up in the wake of those fingers.  It’s new and heady and it’s theirs. It’s intoxicating.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halla! :D 
> 
> Here's chapter 12. Warning: There will be emotions and there will be smut.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and supporting us! <3 Have a very good new year. <3

##  **Even: To Give**

Even is on his knees in front of Isak, feeling sex drunk and dizzy. Isak is so beautiful, and his dick is rock hard in front of Even’s face. Even lets his hands roam over Isak’s skin, enjoying the thought of helping Isak out like Isak did him. He’s finally going to taste Isak. He licks his lips and is about to lean forward when a sudden sting of pain goes through his knee and he groans.

“You okay?” Isak mumbles, looking worried.

“Yeah, just my knee,” Even laughs.

That pushes a short laugh out of Isak, too. “Well, I think we should take this to bed then, old man,” he grins and tugs at Even to pull him with him to the bed. 

“Old man, my ass,” Even mutters, but he follows Isak willingly up into his bunkbed. 

They lie down together on the narrow bed, holding each other and kissing. Even is relaxed, spent and warm in Isak’s embrace, but he already feels a new fire building inside. And a slow burning desperation is starting to show in Isak’s movements. He’s pushing closer to Even and his hands stroke Even’s arms and chest. There’s purpose in those movements, a need that communicates itself through Isak’s fingertips as they caress Even.  He’s not pushy, though. Most alphas would whine about  reciprocation after getting an omega off like Isak just did. Hell, most alphas would probably have bent Even over and fucked him into the bed by now. Instead,  Isak leans on Even’s arm while they kiss, and Even runs the fingers of his free hand over Isak's chest. 

Even can feel the bond pulling them together, but easy now, like the two of them together is enough for now. For now.  _ Fuck _ , this is the real deal, isn’t it? A part of Even still can’t believe it. How the hell did he get this  _ lucky _ ? How?

“God, this is nice,” Even murmurs. “By the way, I just think you  _ did  _ top the experience, Isak. Just like you said we would.”

Isak’s eyes are shining, and he laughs a breathy laugh. “That’s cool”, he says, and turns solemn. “I just… wish our first time wasn’t like it was back in the heat room, you know. It wasn’t exactly romantic.” 

"But it was  _ good _ , Isak. It was," Even says back, gripping Isak's head more firmly so that Isak has to look him in the eye. "I loved it. I loved that it was you. You allowed me to take you, and. You were… taking me, too." Even licks his lower lip, delighted at the flaring heat in Isak's eyes. "You have no idea how much I wanted that." His voice softens to a whisper. "How much I still do." Even slides his hands down from Isak's head to Isak's broad shoulders. 

Isak's hands, in turn, shift to Even’s flanks and settle above the jut of his hips. "And you, Even, have no idea how much I want you right now," Isak locks warms eyes with him again. Even could lose himself in that warmth in Isak’s eyes. 

“Well I have an idea,” Even smiles, and reaches for Isak’s hard dick, giving him a tug to relieve some of the tension he’s showing. Isak groans and they kiss, and this time it’s both sweeter and deeper. Even feels more of those tingles dancing across his skin,  _ under _ his skin wherever they touch and grind. Even can feel Isak’s whole body against his. Isak is warm, and naked, and  _ there _ . And  _ oh God _ , Even wants this. 

“Isak…” He doesn’t know what he’s about to say. He probably makes some embarrassing noises now and then into Isak's mouth, but from the way Isak is clutching at the nape of his neck, at his roving fingers, Isak probably doesn't give a damn. Even doesn’t, either. 

Isak’s breath is starting to quicken. “You know, someone promised me something,” he smiles, with a seducing glint in his eyes. 

“Oh, I can’t recall,” Even teases, “what was that?” Like he ever would forget how he wants to taste Isak. He has thought about it since they were in the heat room, after all. 

Isak huffs a laugh. “I think I need to remind you, then” he chuckles and wiggles his hips, showing off his boner. When Even only raises his eyebrows, Isak rolls his eyes. He moves over Even, bumping his head on the ceiling but just chuckling as he straddles over Even’s belly so that his dick is in front of his face. “Do you remember now, then?” he asks, bending over him.

Even can’t hold back a grin as he looks up, meeting Isak’s gaze. “What?” he asks, faking innocence.

Isak groans. “Whatever,” he huffs, sits back and crosses his arms. If he hadn’t been naked with a dick in Even’s face, Even might laugh at the picture he makes. As it is Even just sorta looks. And swallows.  _ Damn _ , it looks good. Huge. Isak is 100% alpha in that department. No doubt about it.

Even really, really wants to taste it. He wants to make Isak feel good, too. And here he is, flat on his back with Isak’s dick under his nose. It keeps drawing his eye, and he can smell it, the sharp scent of precome and sex mixing with the delicious smell that is Isak himself. Heat or not, Isak still smells like a walking talking orgasm. Even takes a deeper whiff, not quite able to help himself. And  _ wow _ , his own dick sure is ready to play again, it’s achingly hard and eager between his legs.

Isak has dropped his seemingly annoyed facade as his hands slide over Even’s shoulders, fingertips tracing the lines there. He seems to wait until Even meets his eyes, until Even is giving Isak his complete attention. “I’m just teasing, you know,” he says, sincerely. “We don’t have to do this.”

Even swallows, knowing that this is Isak giving him time to stop, time to tell Isak to give him space. Isak knows how Even dislikes to lose the control, after all. However, as Even’s hardening cock twitches, he knows stopping is not an option right now. 

“Hah,‘don’t have to do this.’ Jesus fucking Christ you’re silly,” Even groans, and Isak tsks quietly, allowing his fingers to just barely slide over Even’s chest and upper arms again.

Isak leans into Even. “I mean it, though” he murmurs against Even’s neck, kissing his pulse point.

“Yeah, I know.” Even’s fingers are fumbling over Isak’s chest, wanting to touch more, but Isak is busy nuzzling into him, breathing him in with his voice muffled against Even’s skin, and not helping much. 

Isak lifts his head and meets his eyes, and he has an almost bashful look on his face. “So. What do you want, Even?” Isak looks and sounds gorgeous. His green eyes are lust-blown and intelligent, and he’s offering Even anything he wants.  

Even crooks his finger beneath Isak’s jaw, thumb coming to rest in the dimple of his chin, and lets himself stare. “I thought you knew what I want?” he smiles.

Isak arches one eyebrow slightly, head tipping to the side. “I didn’t want to make assumptions. I prefer clear permission and instruction.” He sounds entirely serious, completely straight-faced, but Even isn’t fooled. There’s humor to that deadpan. The smartass is teasing him without breaking face at all and Even narrows his eyes, wetting his lips before attempting to assemble his own straight face.

It’s tricky when completely naked and slick and hard as a rock, while staring at a flushed, aroused and sexy alpha like Isak. Even feels like he should get bonus points for being able to stare Isak down stoically. “Okay, so clear instruction and permission”, he says. “Then how about you sit back and chill a little?”

He pushes Isak until he’s resting back on Even’s thighs.

“I. . . yeah, okay.” For half a second, Isak looks confused by a turn of events that has him not pressed against Even. 

Even loves the banter and the teasing between them and he had meant to tease Isak some more, but right now Isak is far too tempting. Also, it’s almost like he can feel Isak’s need now, almost taste it, and it makes him dizzy. So he’d rather lean forward and lick the end of that cock, see if Isak tastes as good as he smells, even as he just put Isak in a place where that’s practically impossible. 

Even licks his lips, lets his eyes drift downwards, stares at Isak’s dick. 

Isak seems to sense the shift in atmosphere because he wiggles a little closer again and when Even looks up and meets his eyes, Isak doesn’t look confused anymore, he looks like he’s in awe.

Even holds his eyes and slides his hands up Isak’s thighs, enjoying the way Isak tenses up, his muscles flexing, as Even touches him. “I want to blow you, Isak, can I do that?

“Jesus,  _ fuck _ , yes…” 

Isak stares as Even leans forward and licks his lips. Isak’s eyes widen and he swallows loudly. A quick glance down to make sure everything is lined up and then Even wraps his lips around the end of Isak’s dick, looking up at him with his best porno-smoulder as he does so.

Isak’s reaction is instantaneous and damned gratifying. He gasps and lets out a long groaning noise that makes Even smile a little.

_ Oh yeah _ . He has the moves.

Isak grabs hold of the sheet on each side of Even, probably to keep his hands to himself. 

_ Good.  _ Even hasn’t done this in a while, and he doesn’t know if Isak knows when to pull back. Better that Even’s the one running the show for a moment. Encouraged by Isak’s reaction, Even lets his tongue swipe slowly and thoroughly across the hot flesh in his mouth. Bitter. Salty. But  _ Jesus Christ _ . So good. Curling one hand around Isak’s hip to keep him still, fingertips pressing into the swell of his ass, Even tests the weight of Isak on his tongue, and then bobs his head slowly, a teasing glide, the warm-up act, just to make sure he has Isak’s complete attention.

Well, not that there’s much doubt of that. Isak is unraveling quickly, it seems. He’s making amazing noises and rocking his hips like he is restraining the urge to fuck Even’s mouth. That doesn’t seem like a terrible idea all of a sudden, cause Even is feeling greedy, hungry for more, his own dick throbbing and aching.  He can sense Isak’s desperation, both in the way his body moves and in the way his desire floods the bond connection.

“Oh, fuck, I can feel…” Isak mutters. “I can feel how much you like it.”

Even isn’t really surprised. “I can feel what you want, too,” he admits. He pulls back a little, leaving the tip nudging against soft, spit-slicked lips, darting his tongue at the slit and waiting until Isak is meeting his eyes. Wrapping a hand around the base of his cock and squeezing, a rhythmic pulse of pressure that drags another moan out of Isak, Even swirls his tongue around the head of Isak’s cock, and begins fucking his mouth onto him, each time bringing his lips down to the circle of his own hand.

“Fuck…” Isak moans. His green, deep eyes look at Even as if he’s trying to photograph him in his mind. Even shivers as he loses himself in the feelings.

Even hums around him, laughs, and the vibration of it seems to be a lot to take for Isak. “Fuck, Even!”

Even knows he is an omega and he’s practically lying under Isak, but by the look in Isak’s eyes Even knows completely who is in charge right now. Isak looks like Even’s actions are turning him inside-out. 

It’s kind of a blur after that, one involving a slight frustration at his gag reflex and a crick in his neck. It’s still fucking awesome. Isak ends up kneeling over him, holding the base of his dick, fucking into Even’s mouth in what is probably the messiest blow job in history. Even is almost shocked over how messy it is (and how much he loves it).

Isak is staring down at him in a similar sort of shocked awe. Even doesn’t blame him, he feels pretty amazing right now. He’s doing this. He not only gets to taste Isak, but he makes Isak feel good (and the bond allows him to feel just how good).

He really wants Isak to fuck him, though. Needs it. So, before Isak gets a chance to come, Even pulls back (feeling a little selfish and guilty). “I want you to fuck me”, he says, honestly. 

“I know,” Isak murmurs, seeming happy to please, “That’s okay.” He scoots down and leans closer to Even. “I’ll take care of you.” His words are deep and rough, purred against Even’ ear. Even groans, tilting his head to give Isak more room, to encourage more wet kisses over his throat, more  _ everything _ . 

Isak lays his mouth over Even’s. His lips are soft and wet and make Even tingle all over. Even opens his lips hungrily and invites him in, so they kiss even deeper. Isak’s silent moans vibrate inside him. 

Even’s body is heavy with lust. Isak sits up again, careful not to bump his head this time, finds a condom and puts it on. Looking at Even. Always looking at Even. The sight makes Even shake even more. His dick is so ready it almost hurts.

“Please,” Even moans, breathy and imploring. He spreads his legs, giving room for Isak. “Please, Isak—” He needs Isak’s dick inside, and he needs it now.  _ Jesus fuck. _

“It’s alright, Isak whispers and noses at Even’s hair, pets him with slow strokes and presses him against the mattress. He’s making a purring noise whenever he’s not speaking. It’s weirdly calming and exciting at the same time. 

Even is starting to get impatient, and he knows Isak must be bursting. He rolls his hips up, grinding his dick against Isak’s hip. 

Isak’s mouth closes over Even’s neck muscle, but he doesn’t bite. Instead his hand reaches down between Even’s legs. The first finger slides inside of Even and Even groans when a second finger joins in without any teasing. Isak licks Even’s neck, mirroring the sweet motions his fingers do inside. 

Even moans with every breath and rocks his hips up again, chasing a rhythm. Isak doesn’t stop him, doesn’t try to hold him down, as Even rubs himself greedily against his strong fingers.

Isak’s hand is shaking as he withdraws his fingers. “Gonna fuck you now, baby”.

And Even can see how Isak lets his alpha side take over for a moment, and he kind of loves it. “More,” Even gasps, moaning when Isak positions himself between his legs. “Now, more, c’mon Isak. Make me feel good—”

Isak’s dick drags across his entrance, and then, finally, Isak lets it slide in. Even loves the sensation of Isak’s dick dragging inside. 

“Oh, fuck, Even, yes…” Isak moans, pushing inside, “this feels so… good.”

Even just shivers, holds on and looks. Feeling the warm fullness and looks. Isak looks back at him with something dark in his eyes, that Even doesn't know how to interpret. Lust?  Fondness? Desperation? A little bit of everything? Even shakes. The sight of Isak over him and the amazing stretching feeling inside makes him give a sound, and he doesn't know what it is. He doesn't care.

“Please,” he begs, even with the hot length of Isak’s dick stretching him wide, filling him up.  “Please, I need you. Harder.”

“Yeah,” Isak mutters, as he thrusts forward. “I’ll do it, baby, I’ll make you feel so good.”

And he does. Isak moves, and Even breathes, moans and gives all sorts of sounds. He allows himself to fully enjoy the sensations and forget everything else. Isak is all that matters. Now and forever.

They do it slow, like they never want to stop. Isak moves carefully over him. His hands are all over Even, holding him and stroking him, and making him feel touched in a way he never has been before.

Isak hovers over him, raising and sinking in a achingly slow pace. He looks like he’s lost in the sensations; he is breathing heavily with an open mouth, and has shut his eyes. He fucks Even harder and deeper and Even feels amazing. He rolls up to meet every thrust Isak gives him. 

Isak is weighing him down, licking and nipping at the rim of his right ear, at the crook of his clammy neck. Even’s eyes fall shut, his bruised lips slackening, enjoying the steady slide inside and how Isak stimulates his prostate with every thrust. Reveling in the intimate sensations of Isak biting his neck as if he wants to leave his mark there.

_ Yes, yes _ , Even yearns to groan aloud.  _ Mark me.  _ He grabs hold of his dick and moves his hands with Isak’s movements. He moans and feels how everything builds and builds and builds. 

Isak beats him to it, though. Even can feel how Isak’s tensing up and slowing down a little, as if he’s trying to hold back. Isak is rasping indiscernible words into the skin of his neck, now. Even shivers, lingering in the feeling of almost coming, while Isak finally, finally bites Even’s neck. Isak groans and comes into the condom inside of Even. 

The bite is sweet and hot at the same time, and just the sensation Even needs; Even’s own orgasm ambushes him.  He’s clenching around Isak’s dick, digging his heels into the mattress. He’s got his eyes squeezed shut, and wails a long, shuddering sound into Isak’s mouth. Isak grunts, breathing harder, as Even clutches around his cock. And Even’s floating, flying— everything is sparks and light, and pleasure so intense it’s bordering on something more, skittering through his nerves like they’re live wires.

It’s Isak’s body, thick and heavy, above him and around him. It’s the smell of their sweat, their musk, and Isak’s breath puffing hot against the slender arch of Even’s throat. Even has never felt like such a rush of warmth. Of pure satisfaction, soothing a tension he hadn’t realised he’d been carrying for too long. There isn’t anything else in the world but this; Even is so full, there isn’t space for anything else.

 

##  **Isak: To Have**

Even holds Isak close, and Isak closes his eyes at the bliss of it all. “So good,” Even murmurs. Everything is so warm, so safe and sweet here, and Isak lets himself sink into it. It’s the bond, of course, but it feels like  _ more _ , too. It’s not an elastic band between them anymore, it’s more a blanket surrounding them. 

“Yeah,” Isak sighs. “Good.”

They slump together on the bed, spent, until Even’s sated laugh fills the room. “Damn, you have some moves, considering you’re not gay and all,” he teases.  Isak blushes, even after the experience they just had. Even’s laugh turns almost smug and Isak mumbles something. He’s not entirely sure what, just that he has to make a point here. Protest the implication, even though remembering that day when he told Even to his face that he isn’t gay. Even just smiles at him, and it doesn’t matter anyway. Isak’s too sunk into his bliss to care if he actually manages to get Even to see. 

Even grins again and turns to face Isak. He pokes Isak in the side but Isak is too relaxed to respond much. He hums, a soft inquisitive noise that makes Even laugh again. “Well, you’re pretty gone. I guess I should clean us up.” He throws away the condom, finds an used t-shirt and wipes them off. While he does, Isak watches him from under lowered lashes. It’s nice.  Normally it’s the alpha who’s expected to do this sort of aftercare, but here’s Even, working so gently and carefully, taking care of Isak. It’s heady, amazing, and Isak can’t ever remember feeling this cherished before. Then Even pulls the duvet over them both and finds a place in Isak’s arms. Where he belongs.

“Fuck, I should be the one looking after you,” Isak sighs, feeling dazed and appreciative, but also a little annoyance with himself. “I’m just… useless right now.”

“No you’re not.” Even pokes Isak again, softer this time. His fingertips linger on Isak’s bare arm, leaving trails of delight behind them. “Not now, not ever. First of all, there’s nothing you should or shouldn’t do or be. We can be who we want to be. You know that by now, right? It’s not like all omegas are caring and submissive and it’s not like all alphas are protective and dominating. Right?”

Isak blinks. “Uhm. Right.”

“Secondly, you’re just enamoured by my charms right now. And who can blame you?” Even wiggles his eyebrows and grins. Isak chuckles, the tiny bit of annoyance dropping away and leaving only the satisfied feeling coming through the bond.

“I’m not the only enamoured one, baby.” This time, it’s Isak who reaches out, tracing a thumb along the line of Even’s jaw. “It takes two to form a bond.”

“That’s true.” Even leans into Isak’s touch, his eyes fluttering closed and a smile forming on the face. Yeah, the bond. A heat bond. Mating bond. Love bond. Whatever they should call it. 

“It’s kinda a big deal, though,” Isak says. “Are we ready for that?”

It’s a gamble, and Isak can barely breathe around the tangle of anxiety in his chest. But Even has shown that he cares, and not just because he’s an omega who wants an alpha. He has let Isak be who he is. He has said he wants this. Doesn’t that include the bond?

So, even if it’s a gamble, Isak has faith that the odds are stacked in his favour here. Even if Even’s simply looking at him now, blank and unreadable. Not speaking. But then something in his eyes softens and opens up, and his eyes twinkle with a new smile.

Even tips his head down, pressing a firm kiss against Isak’s wrist.  It steals Isak’s breath and makes a smile of his own bloom on his face “Baby, listen. I know nothing is set in stone. All I’m saying is, I’m game for seeing how this bond thing works out, if you are.”

 

“I’m game, of course” Isak says. “You beautiful, impossible dork.”

Even doesn’t seem to get the meaning at once. Not until Isak feel his face split into a wide grin, and there’s slow-blooming responding smile on Even’s face that pushes the air out of Isak. Even kisses Isak deeply, and he can feel the joy pulsing in him, and maybe in Even too from the bond.  _ Wow _ , this is it, isn’t it? This thing is for real!

The two of them have already crashed and burned in their heats together, they’ve been tangled up in the sweetest way, they have survived time apart and misunderstandings, they’re figuring stuff out together and they’re not finished yet. It’s big, it’s scary as hell, but Isak isn’t afraid.

They have each other. If one of them struggles and falls, they will save each other. That’s pretty awesome.

Isak snuggles into Even and Even reaches out, cupping Isak’s jaw and drawing him down into a slow, tender kiss. Isak obliges him, and then some, lapping into Even’s mouth. Even’s lips are so soft and sweet and Isak doesn't want to stop.  He’s surrounded by a warmth like a blanket. It’s the bond, of course, cozy and comfortable now that he’s allowing himself to feel it. But it seems like it’s more. It’s the way Even makes him feel -- both ten feet tall and small and protected.  It’s not like anything Isak has ever felt before, and the impulse to live up to what an alpha should be is diminishing. As Even said, there is no way they have to be. They can work that out between them, be who and what  _ they _ want.

Eventually, Even eases back, but not far. They’re so close, breathing the same air, as he nuzzles Isak’s cheek.  It’s a kind of bliss, being here with Even like this. It’s not something Isak’s ever really had before. It’s always been fuck, stand up, shower, go about the day.  Lying here, snuggled with someone else, feeling the pull of the connection between them now that they’ve let it happen … well, it’s more than Isak has ever dreamed of.

“You’re beautiful,” Even says, skating his hands down the planes of Isak’s back. That sends a shiver of delight right through Isak.  No one has ever told him he’s beautiful. Not the way Even does, not with the sound of honesty ringing on his tongue. And while he’s said stuff like this before, Isak’s never really allowed himself to listen to the truth in those words.  

Isak hums, nosing under Even’s ear, sniffing and leaving damp trails wherever he decides to taste, soaking up the sweet scent of Even along with the salty taste of his sweat. “I can get you some water,” he says, trying to offer something to Even in exchange for the gift he’s just been given. “Or something to eat?”

“Such a good alpha.” Even says it so fondly and Isak can hear the smile in his voice as he tucks his nose into Isak’s hair.  It should feel weird, to be praised for something he’s spent his life running away from. And yet when Even says it, it feels nice, like it’s a mantle that might fit Isak properly, not just as a mask he wears.  But even now, part of him pushes back, wants to retain some control over how he’s seen. 

So Isak rolls his eyes, even though he can feel the soppy grin blooming in the corners of his lips. “You want me to get you something, or not?”

“No, let’s just stay here a little.” 

“Okay.” 

Isak shuts his eyes for a moment.  It’s a sense of deja vu; he has to tell Even something but isn’t sure quite how to do it.  How do you say this sort of thing without looking weird? There’s a certain vulnerability in opening up like this, and it’s all so new that Isak’s not sure how Even might take it. “I want to tell you something,” Isak mumbles, forcing the words out. When he opens his eyes again, he is already reaching for Even's face with his hand. He strokes Even’s hair at the temple, let’s the soft strands of his hair run through his fingers.  It’s soothing.

Even gazes into Isak's eyes. “What is it, baby?” He reaches up to touch Isak's face too, stroking Isak's cheek with the pads of his fingers. It feels so nice, calming.  Isak can sense the emotions whirling inside Even. There’s no mind reading or any of the other stuff the childhood stories tried to use to explain a bond connection. Instead, it’s a general sense of Even’s feelings.  He’s calm, inquisitive but not worried and it settles Isak’s nerves. 

Isak murmurs, "It’s just… Since that day in that heat room, I’ve been thinking about you all the time. And it wasn’t just lust.”  He lets his fingers roam over Even’s face, feels the warmth in the bond as Even shuts his eyes while listening to Isak. It gives him a deeper sense of freedom to be able to continue.  “I couldn’t forget how you accepted me into your body, or how you came inside of me. I couldn’t forget how you took care of me.”

Even’s eyes are on Isak’s, wide and so so blue.  It’s hard not to drown in them, not to fall into the promise Even’s giving.  But as Even swallows, becoming ill at ease with this line of conversation if the small spike in uneasiness in the bond is anything to go by, Isak makes himself carry on.  At least Even’s not pulling away; that’s one good thing. It’s painful to talk about, but it has to be done and as the alpha in this relationship Isak feels the responsibility to do this (it might not be his responsibility, but he sure feels it).  He takes a breath and looks at Even, tries to push as much care through the bond as he can. It’s new and imperfect and Isak’s not sure how much good it’s doing. It’s something they’re both going to have to work on, he thinks.

Unfortunately, Isak’s not quite in control of himself, and he can hear the voice crack as he carries on. “Afterwards I just thought you didn’t want to talk about what happened. That you were ashamed of what we had done, that it must have been …” Isak’s voice quivers and he stops to take a breath to steady himself, makes him say the word that’s been haunting him ever since that day … so  _ humiliating _ for you to fuck like that when you had worked so hard to hide that you’re an omega. So, I said nothing, when I should."

“Isak…” Even sighs. He rubs his forehead against Isak's and cradles Isak's face with both hands, and the feelings coming through the bond are warmth and comfort again. Isak slips his arms around Even’s shoulders, then drops them to his waist.  But in his mind, he's back in that room, panting and burning up under Even’s body with shaking legs. He's feeling that deep sense of worry again, feels himself in the moment again with those feelings swamping him. He’d been trying so damn hard to tell Even then, with actions if not with lost words. He’d thought Even didn’t like him like that at all.  But even now, he can’t bring himself to say that; all he can do is hope Even can sense it or make out the nuance under the words he did say.

“And I thought you wanted to be with Jonas." Even says, with a troubled crease between his brows.

What must it have been like for Even, believing that Isak was only offering his body and nothing more? What must it have been like for Even ever since, believing that Isak avoided him because he wanted someone else?  

“Fuck. We’re such idiots,” Even says, but he is smiling softly now and the bond feels even more soft.  Isak understands that, because, _thank fuck,_ they’re no longer idiots. They have _this,_ and it’s pretty awesome. "Yeah, I know,” Isak smiles.  “Good thing I quite like idiots, isn’t it?”

“Asshole,” Even laughs.  “You’re no better.”

“No,” Isak agrees, letting his fingers trail over Even’s chest again.  “I’m just as bad.”

There’s a long moment of peaceful silence and then Even nods, like he’s made a decision of some sort. "You were wrong about the bond, you know." Isak feels panicked heat flooding his chest as he glances at Even.  "What do you mean?" Even caresses Isak's hand as he replies, "I dunno where you got the idea that I don't want it, that I _wouldn't_ want it."  Isak raises his brow at that, ready to growl his discontent; it’s not like Even was particularly clear.  Even must feel something of his irritation in the bond, or see it on his face, because he chuckles softly.  "Well, okay, I kinda get why you'd think that, since I avoided you, but, still ..." "Still?" Isak prompts, a painful burst of delight in his chest.  He’s always been so scared of conversations like this, but with Even it feels natural.  With the bond Isak can feel the sense of calm that Even radiates and it settles him.

Even looks like he’s going to say something.  His mouth opens and he looks up at the ceiling, worrying his lips between his teeth, but then he closes his mouth and stares at Isak for a few moments.  He sighs, then gives a small smile. “I wanted it,” he finally says.

Isak can’t believe the easy vulnerability of that statement.  There are no profound words, no deep explanations. Just a plain, unvarnished truth.  A quiet vulnerability on his face, and a peaceful certainty in the bond. It feels like so much, another gift from this boy who can’t stop giving Isak the world.  Isak’s hands clutch at Even, as if trying to pull him in even further, as if he can convey the depth of his feelings with one embrace. "What?" Even asks, smiling softly at Isak as if he can’t quite believe that either. “Well, I did. And I am starting to realize that you did, too.”

“I did.” “You know that I want this now, right?”  Even asks, and he looks like he’s trying to work out how Isak feels.  Isak smiles, lets all his feelings show on his face and hopes Even can sense them through the bond too.  He can _feel_ the certainty in Even now, and hopes Even feels his own back.

Isak nods, feels the smile growing on his face as he takes in Even’s delight. “I know. I want it too.”

The moment is interrupted as Even’s face is split by a yawn.  Isak laughs. “Am I boring you, baby?” he asks. “Is my confession that uninspiring?”

“I’m so tired, baby,” Even says, not even protesting the suggestion or responding to the banter.  Isak feels a thrill of pleasure at the words.  _ Baby. _  He likes the way that sounds on Even’s tongue.  

“Okay,” he says.  “Let’s sleep then.”

It all feels so right now.  Isak has always tried to reject alpha expectations while trying so hard to live up to the image.  And yet, here and now, it feels okay to look after Even, to make sure he’s okay. It’s partly because Isak isn’t so keen to reject the various small things that mean ‘alpha’ to the world, but it’s at least partly because Even doesn’t behave like a usual omega.  Or not what Isak has always pictured: weak, scared, shy and submissive. It obvious that Even would help Isak too, if he needed it.

“I like this,” he mutters into Even’s neck, letting himself savor the scent of him that sits on the pulse point.

As if he agrees, Even extends it a little, letting Isak nose in closer.  “Mmmm,” he says. “I kind of like … being looked after.” He says it like it’s a confession, as if there’s something shameful in it and Isak smiles against that heady scent.

“So do I,” he admits.  “It’s nice. It’s feels … equal.”

“Yeah,” Even says, his breath ending on a small sigh.  “I never thought I could be wanted for me.”

“I always wanted you for you,” Isak says, feeling like he can actually say these things now.  It’s such a gift that’s come so quickly after so much misunderstanding and miscommunication. He sighs, pulls back so he can see Even’s face. “I just couldn’t let myself say it.”

Even’s fingers run over Isak’s face, and once again Isak gets the feeling Even is trying to learn the planes and hollows.  But this time, unlike when they were in the heat room, there’s no urgency to the gesture. It stresses for Isak, in a way nothing else has, just how far they’ve come.  Back then, they both thought it was fleeting, that they had to give up on everything as soon as it started.

Isak lets his eyes flutter closed and allows himself to revel in the feeling of Even’s questing fingers.  In the way the gentle warmth of those fingers is reflected in the joy pulsing through the bond now. Eventually, Even stops, with the pads of his fingers resting on Isak’s lips and Isak opens his eyes to drown in the beautiful blues eyes so close to his own.  Even’s eyelashes are fanned out. With his eyes downcast as he looks down at Isak, every one is showcased. There’s something in the way they frame those gorgeous eyes and the breathtaking affection hidden in them that makes Isak’s heart stop.

He lets himself kiss the fingers on his lips and watches in delight as Even’s eyes close at the sensation.  He feels so much for this boy and he can’t quite believe it’s only been a few short weeks since they met on the tram.

Feeling the soft joy of the bond pulsing through him, Isak gathers Even into his body.  There’s something really settling about having him so close, feeling the slow beat of his heart as Even slides into sleep.  Isak buries his nose in Even’s neck again and drinks him in. He thinks he’ll never get used to that scent, the woody, delicate tones that say  _ Even _ in a way nothing else can. He smiles. Even is here, with him. This is for real. Isak knows that the two of them probably have things they should figure out, but it all feels like small, insignificant things right now. Right now they have  _ this _ , and it’s all that matters.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here’s our final chapter! At least for now. Thank you for following our story and especially thank you to Tui and Gitte and everyone who has given us feedback and help with this!   
> ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

##  **Isak: The Origin**

If Isak had allowed himself to think about it, he’d have been worried about coming to school today.  He had, after all, disappeared into Even’s home halfway through the party on Friday and not come out for the whole weekend.  The flurry of texts sitting on his phone are testament to how worried his friends have been.

_ Magnus: Where the fuck are you? _

_ Mahdi: Isak? _

_ Jonas: Magnus is worried, wants to send a search party _

_ Jonas: I told him to chill, you’re probably just fucking _

_ Eskild: Baby Alpha, please answer your guru _

_ Magnus: Stop fucking and answer us, asshole _

_ Jonas: Unless you’re in trouble.  Are you in trouble? We can send the search party _

_ Eskild: Kidding, sorry for saying guru.  I’m just worried.  _

_ Eskild: Baby Alpha? _

And on and on.  Isak winces when he thinks about what he’s put everyone through, and yet he can’t bring himself to regret anything.  A whole weekend alone with Even has been bliss. Well, they were alone apart from one or two awkward meetings with Even’s parents.  That was something else, even though they had been nothing but kind and welcoming. The knowing look in their eyes, and the way they smiled whenever Isak or Even mentioned bonding, was a  _ lot. _  But Isak is willing to admit that the warm hugs he received, and the genuinely interested conversations, were really nice.  And there’s a part of him that yearns towards something like that with his own family. He can’t imagine it, though. His father is distant, and even with his mother’s approval in text form it’s hard for Isak to see them in a cozy setting, exchanging coded jokes about bonds.  She’s always been a little too straightlaced for that. At best he can see awkward dinners with stilted conversation. So he’d spent the weekend soaking up both the novelty of being with Even and the delight of being with a family in this way. 

That weekend had been exactly what he and Even had needed, to get used to being together, to get used to the bond and everything it meant.  Getting used to the soft tug under Isak’s ribs whenever Even was more than a few feet away from him (and he often caught Even’s mother smiling about it when she noticed the way he started looking around whenever that pull got too much).  Getting used to the warm, comforting feeling whenever Isak’s actually touching Even. To the way his stomach flips over inside him whenever he catches sight of Even’s beautiful face and body (though that may just be Even and not the bond at all).

But Isak knows that he’s going to hear about it from his friends when he gets to school, and he knows it’s going to be intense.  So he stills for a moment outside the huge doors and looks up, taking a steadying breath.

“You okay?” Even asks, running his hand over Isak’s back.  It’s so reminiscent of alpha behaviour that Isak sighs and lets his head sink onto Even’s shoulder for a moment.  It’s so  _ nice, _ this bond, in a way Isak had never expected.  It’s wonderful that Even doesn’t always expect to be the one being taken care of, and that he recognizes and responds to Isak’s needs too. In Isak’s previous experience, and in the things he’s read, it’s not particularly common for an omega to react this way, and he thanks his lucky stars every day that it was Even who found him.  But he’s starting to think that maybe it’s not just Even. Just as Isak and Jonas are very different people whose alpha sides come out in very different ways, maybe omegas are the same. Regardless of why, Isak is grateful that Even seems so perfectly designed to give Isak what he needs. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Isak says, letting his breath out again and steeling his resolve.  “Let’s go in.”

They make it as far as the hallway by Isak’s first class before any of the guys spot them.   By chance it’s Magnus, and his face splits into a huge grin. His eyes drift towards the place where their hands are clasped together and the grin widens.

“Isak!  You weren’t lying!”

“Of course I wasn’t lying!  What sort of asshole do you think I am?”

“But you’re gay?” Isak nods, and hears Even’s cut-off chuckle behind him.  “And an alpha?” Isak nods again, very close to losing his composure as Magnus’s face creases into confusion. “But … how does that work?”

Isak cuts him off before he can say something really offensive.  “It just works, okay? And … we have a bond and that’s just how it is.”

He stares a challenge at Magnus, waiting for him to tell Isak it’s gross, disgusting, an abomination.  But Magnus just shrugs in happy acceptance. Even squeezes Isak’s hand and lets his lips brush against his hair.

“Not so hard, was it?” he says in a voice quiet enough that Magnus can’t hear him.

And so it goes for the rest of the day.  Even separates from Isak only for classes, but thankfully now that they’ve accepted the bond, their bodies aren’t rebelling quite so hard against them.  There’s a slight headache, but nothing like the way it had been at the start. The insistent tugging in his chest is what drives Isak towards Even more often now, rather than the desire to lose the pain.  It’s much less stressful. So it’s with a relieved grin that Isak drops into the seat next to Jonas later that afternoon.

“Hey,” he says, and Jonas tilts his head to look at him.  

“Not dead, then,” he says, his voice sardonic and Isak grins wider.

“Nope,” he agrees cheerfully as he pulls his books out of his bag.  “But I don’t think you want to know what I was actually doing.”

“Probably not,” Jonas says, and there’s something a little anxious in his voice.  His scent is also sporting a bitter undertone and Isak frowns. “As long as you’re happy,” Jonas adds and Isak thinks he gets it.

“I am,” Isak says, making sure to look Jonas right in the eyes.  “And you know you’re still my best friend, right?” He can tell by the way Jonas’s face relaxes that it was the right thing to say.  That Jonas has been worried about this since the end of their thing, and the amount of time Isak now spends with Even. “You are, you know?” Isak continues  “Nothing changes that.”

“That’s chill,” Jonas says and smiles, more naturally this time.  “Just don’t disappear for a weekend again.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Isak says as the teacher calls their attention to the front and he hears Jonas’s disbelieving snort from beside him.

 

It’s with a sense of calm that Isak meets up with the boys after school.  He’s standing with them in the yard, waiting together before they all go their separate ways for the afternoon.  It’s been their routine for so long, but lately Isak’s been avoiding it a little. It’s been too hard to keep up the facade of the cool, confident alpha, particularly since he met Even and started to question everything he’d believed in.  So today it’s a relief to be with these guys again in such a casual, relaxed way. Now that they know, Isak feels like he can be himself with them again. It’s a good feeling.

“Hey, Isak,” Magnus asks, and Isak groans at the tone in his voice.  It never bodes well, and today he’s been fascinated with Isak and his identity.

“No, Magnus, this doesn’t change anything about my sex life,” Isak says in exasperation.  “And it won’t help yours.”

“I wasn’t going to ask about that!” Magnus says, aggrieved horror clear in his tone.  “I just wanted to know what a bond is like.”

“I don’t know,” Isak says, trying to think how to describe it to someone on the outside.  “It’s just nice, knowing someone is there and will be there. Warm. You know?  _ Nice. _ ”

“That’s possibly the sappiest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Mahdi says.  He looks Isak over in a considering way. “It’s different. You don’t seem so … so alpha-y anymore.”

“Yeah,” Isak says, pushing away the small snippet of fear that he’s not good enough, not living up to what these guys think he should be.  “I am different. I want to be real, you know?”

Mahdi nods. “It’s cool,” he says.  “It’s cool to be more how you want to be.”

Jonas claps Isak on the back.  “I’m fucking proud of you, bro,” he says.  “I know it’s not been easy, and people are still assholes sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Isak agrees.  “But it feels like I can deal with all that shit now.”

There’s a lessening of the tug in Isak’s chest, and the slight headache he’s been sporting drops away suddenly.  He smiles, leans back and lets Even’s arms circle around him. 

“Halla,” he says, turning his head to press a kiss to Even’s lips, lets his nose run down Even’s neck and over his pulse point. Even smells content and at ease and Isak inhales, feeling satisfied. 

“Hey,” Even says.  “You ready to go?”

Isak nods, and smiles at the boys.  They’re all looking at the two of them with various degrees of fascination and Isak rolls his eyes.  He acts as if this is a huge imposition, but deep inside he’s so happy that they all care enough about him to be this interested.

“Later, assholes,” he says, and waves as he takes Even’s hand and draws him after him towards the tram stop.  

There’s a sense of nostalgia in being here with Even.  Isak laughs as he remembers that first day together, the way their bodies were so desperate for each other and the tumbling panic as they raced against time towards the school.  There’s a spike in Even’s scent as he watches Isak and it’s clear he’s remembering too. They share a contented smile, and Isak lets his body sway into Even’s for a moment, enjoying the feeling of their connection.

“You want to come to my place?” Isak asks.  “I don’t think Eskild will survive much longer if I don’t introduce you properly.”

The tram pulls up and Even climbs on behind Isak.  They make their way towards the pole where they first met and Isak sniggers as he takes hold.  The ghost of that Isak stands beside him; forceful, challenging, almost aggressive but deeply insecure about what was happening.  What remains the same is the pull he feels towards Even, the sense of desire and neediness. He’s glad he’s not that guy anymore, doesn’t feel the same need to live up to a certain expectation of what being alpha means.

“Yeah,” Even says as the tram rattles away again.  “I want to see your place, see what makes Isak tick.”

The tram lurches and Isak holds more tightly to the bar.  Even’s hand is warm on his own and he feels a pull deep in his belly as he looks into Even’s eyes.  Those eyes are so impossibly blue and the look in them makes Isak shiver. 

“You know what makes me tick,” Isak says, feigning irritation.  “Meeting Eskild is not going to change that at all.”

Even laughs, the sound so joyous that Isak’s heart squeezes again.  This is the Even he saw that long ago day when he was free and easy and allowed to just be himself.  The Even he’d never thought he’d ever see when it was the two of them together. That he’s here now and happy and free like this makes isak’s toes curl with his own joy. The bond is warm between them now, and Isak feels the contented relaxation that always comes with Even’s presence.

“I like being with you,” Isak says, allowing it to come out for once, not bothering to hide behind the correct alpha mannerisms.

Even’s fingers caress Isak’s and he smiles.  Isak can see the amusement in his eyes, and the way a teasing comment sits on Even’s tongue, but thankfully Even’s face softens and he leans forward.  “I like being with you, too,” he says. “I like feeling you with me even when you’re not. It feels like … like I’m not alone.”

“You’re not,” Isak says, holding that impossibly blue gaze.  “You’re not alone.”

Even swallows and his eyes shine with tears before he blinks and they’re gone.  “I never thought I could have that,” he whispers as Isak lets himself move forward and wrap his free arm around Even’s back, pulling him close, holding him to his heart.

They stay that way for a long moment, their heartbeats syncing the way they usually do when they’re so close, and are only pulled out of the moment when Isak’s phone buzzes in his pocket.

_ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. _

Isak smiles down at his phone.  Even makes a querying noise and raises his brow when Isak glances up at him.  Isak laughs softly and stuffs the phone back into his pocket.

“It’s my mamma,” he says, and hears the fondness in his voice.  “One of her bible verses, but I think this one is about us, you and me, and how we’re … right.”

“That’s nice,” Even says, and his hand squeezes on Isak’s.  He doesn’t say anything else, but he doesn’t need to. It’s obvious in the way his voice smiles and his scent sweetens just how pleased he is.  Their stop appears and they have to leave. Isak takes the opportunity to press a small kiss to Even’s hair as they step down and he can feel Even’s pleased hum through his body almost as much as he can hear it.

It’s only a few short blocks from there to the Kollektiv and Isak barely has time to be nervous about how Eskild might be with Even when they’re pushing open the door.  Beside him, Even stills and sucks in a breath and for the first time Isak realizes just how much this is affecting him too.

“Baby?” he says, taking Even’s hand and drawing him into the apartment.  “It’s fine. He loves you already. It’s me he’s going to embarrass.”

Even lets out one tiny laugh and then Eskild is on them.  “Baby Alpha! You have finally brought your luscious omega home for me to see.”

He pulls Even into a hug and Isak almost laughs at Even’s startled expression before he relaxes into the embrace.  It’s with a lump in his throat that Isak watches the interaction. He can barely hear the whisper Eskild makes into Even’s ear. “Thank you for making him happy,” he’s saying and Even’s eyes are closed, though Isak thinks he sees a tiny tear seep out of one.

“Okay, Eskild, that’s enough,” he says.  “You’re going to scare him off.”

“Oh no no, that won’t do,” Eskild says, but he releases Even anyway.  “I couldn’t bear to have this alpha go back to his old grumpy ways.”

“Fuck you, Eskild,” Isak says, but there’s no heat in it.  He’s grateful to his guru for everything he’s done.

“I love you too, Baby Alpha,” Eskild says, kissing Isak’s forehead before Isak can duck out of his way.  Isak’s about to groan at Eskild for the presumption when Eskild’s face lights up, and Isak frowns as he takes in the overwhelming joy.  “I know! We never celebrated your heat. But now Even is here we can. He can help you.”

Even shakes his head.  “I’m not sure we’d want you around for any heat celebrations,” he says and Isak is blushing but he grins, presses his fingers into Even’s back to show his appreciation.

“Yeah,” Isak agrees.  “I think we might go to my room.  Do some celebrating on our own.”

The look of betrayal on Eskild’s face makes Isak laugh and he reaches forward to hug him properly.  “I do love you, guru,” he says. “Thank you for looking out for me.”

Eskild pats his cheek and then Even’s and grins.  “I’m glad you’re happy,” he says. “It’s all I wanted for you when I took you in.”

“I know,” Isak says, smiling, feeling his own eyes filling with tears.  “But now we really are going to my room.”

They make their way there with only a few embarrassing moments of Eskild shouting encouragement at them down the hallway.  Isak shuts the door behind them, with Eskild’s last,  _ “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do” _ ringing in his ears.

 

##  **Even: The Fulfillment**

When the door shuts behind them, their eyes meet. Isak has a small smile on his face. Even exhales as he looks around. So. This is Isak’s room. Minimalistic in a way, but with hints of Isak all over. There’s a bed, a night stand, a shelf with books and knick knacks and a TV. A blanket over the window to hold the light out. Interesting clippings on the wall that he wants to look closer at. But Even just wants to pull Isak closer first. Kiss him and hold him. Make sure that they really have this. It’s been a long day separated at school, and Even is feeling the lack of physical closeness after the weekend together.  He meets Isak’s gaze and is about to say something about the room. But the next thing he knows, Isak slams his lips to Even’s and nearly knocks all wind from his lungs.

Even hardly has a moment to react before Isak presses his tongue to the seam of Even’s lips, but then he opens his mouth and meets Isak’s kiss as he feels the thrill of the two of them finally being together again. Alone. It’s a sloppy kiss at first, but then it slows down as Isak hums. “Sorry, I got a little eager there. So good to have you to myself.”

Isak pulls back. He looks almost surprised with himself, but then he kisses Even again. Slow, but demanding. He has a look of hunger in his face that makes Even shiver.  “I like being here, just us together.”

“Mm yeah,” Even agrees. His arms reach up and tangle around Isak’s neck. He pulls Isak close and moans at the contact of body heat against his own. He can almost feel the promise of something more happening soon with every push of Isak’s tongue against his. “Uhm... Things went pretty great today, right?” he mumbles between kisses.

“Yeah, not bad.”

“Eskild seems like a cool guy, by the way.”

“Well, he can be —” Isak’s interrupted as someone knocks at the door. He sighs, tries to flatten his messy hair a little and opens it. “What?”

Even is surprised to find that Sana and a blonde girl stand there with some heavy looking bags in their hands. 

“Hi, Isak! I thought I should tell you that I’m going to sleep over at Eva’s for a couple of days,” the blonde girl says, before she stops and looks at Even. “Hi! Even, right?”

Even smiles his most charming smile. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Cool. I’ve seen you at school,” the girl says, and shakes his hand. Her eyes shine as she looks at Isak and then at Even again. “I’m Noora. I used to live here before Isak. Well, I’m kinda living here now, too, because I haven’t found another place to live, but. Yeah.”

Isak looks a little uneasy. “I’m sorry about uh… the room and everything.”

“No problem,” Noora smiles. “You live here now. I don’t mind camping with Eva. We’ll figure something out. Oh, by the way, Even, this is Sana.”

Even looks at Sana. She raises her eyebrows and smiles, as if she’s curious about how Even will handle this. 

It suddenly hits Even that he’s tired of hiding things all the time. So tired that he actually doesn’t mind Isak or anyone else knowing about his past. “Hi, Sana,” he says, giving a weak smile. He moves closer and gives her a quick hug. “I know Sana,” he explains. “From before.”

Sana smiles wider. “Yeah, Even used to hang with my brother and his impossible friends a lot.”

When Isak sends Even a questioning look, he shrugs. “I just wanted to be a little low key when I started at Nissen. So… I kind of wanted Sana not to tell anyone that I knew her.”

“Oh,” Isak says. 

“It has probably saved me from some annoying questions,” Sana says. Then she tilts her head and smiles at Even. “No, but seriously. Anyone should be able to decide for themselves when they’re ready to tell their story.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Noora says, nodding. Again, her eyes go from Isak to Even and back to Isak again. 

Isak sighs, like he knows what she’s wondering. “Yeah. Even and I are together. We’ve uh… bonded.”

Even can’t help it, his heart speeds up, just from the mention of it. He can feel the bond, even now, stretching between them.  There’s a soft hint of pride coming through, and happiness. Isak’s content and it feeds back Even’s own contentment to him. He lets his hand slide around Isak’s waist; kind of a physical reflection of their bond.

Noora grins now. “I kinda guessed you were a couple. You’re not as good at keeping secrets as you think, Isak. Congrats, though! With all the love in the air you two are giving me hope.”

Even wonders what she’s referring to, and Isak looks like he wonders about the same, but in the next moment the girls are leaving with their bags and everything. “Well, see you later guys,” Sana says. 

“Bye then,” Noora says. “Remember to tell Eskild that it’s his washing week. He always forgets. And please try to lure Linn out of her room if you can.”

Isak mumbles an answer before he shuts the door. Isak and Even exchange glances.  

“It always baffles me how Noora expects me to do those things,” Isak says, looking a little awkward. 

“Well. She knows that you care,” Even says, and counts it as a small victory when Isak doesn’t protest. 

Instead Isak takes Even’s hand. “So you know Sana, huh?” he says, and they move over to his bed to sit down. 

Even nods, and brushes his hand through Isak’s hair. “And you know her, too?”

“A little.” Isak puts his arm around Even’s waist, lets it rest there. “She’s in my biology class.”

“Well,” Even smiles, “she’s pretty awesome. Smart as hell. Cool, too. I’m sure you two could work well together.”

“Huh.” Isak looks thoughtful. “So, tell me if I shouldn’t ask, but. Is Sana’s brother one of the guys from Bakka?”

Even scoots a little closer to Isak, seeking the warmth from his body as if it can give him more courage. In a way, maybe it can. “Yeah. Elias. He was one of my best friends. I’ve kinda avoided them after everything that happened at Bakka.”

“Okay,” Isak says and looks like he waits for more.

“I had this manic episode,” Even begins, “– where I did a lot of reckless things. I posted a lot of stuff on Facebook. Kissed my best friend. Offended some of the people I loved. There was a lot of talk afterwards and I just couldn’t face it. People had even discovered that I was an omega.”

“So you have hidden it for a long time?”

“Yeah.” Even thinks for a moment, struggles to find the right words to explain. “You see, that ex boyfriend I told you about really made me feel that being an omega was a bad thing. I struggled with it for a long time.”

“That’s shit.”

Even is thankful that Isak doesn’t say that he shouldn’t take shit. Even doesn’t mind that much anymore that Isak wants to protect him like that. But it’s nice that Isak holds it back, because he knows. Even exhales. “Yeah.”

“So. How do you feel about it now?” Isak asks, combing through Even’s hair and resting his hand on the back of Even’s neck.

Even smiles. “With you it’s easy. I can be myself, whatever that is.”

“That’s good,” Isak smiles back.

“It is. But yeah. There’s more. After the manic episode I crashed into a depressive episode. It was rough.The people I hadn’t pushed away when I was manic, I pushed away then. ” Even swallows. “You should know this, Isak. Things won’t be easy, with me. I have fucked up so much.”

Isak pulls him close and looks him in the eye. “I have fucked up a lot too, you know. I crushed on my best friend and messed up things for another friend. Everybody fucks up.”

Even nods. He sighs and allows himself to sink into Isak’s embrace.

Isak’s face is expressing a mix of calm joy and concern when he looks at Even, and that sense also pulses through the bond. It’s a small thing, but Even loves the way he can feel the small nuances of Isak’s emotions; it feels like there’s always someone with him, and he can feel the genuine care Isak feels.  It’s so  _ nice. _ “So, how are things with your friends now?”

“I don’t know,” Even shrugs. “I talked to Mikael, the other day. It was a lot easier than I thought it would be. So maybe I can pick things up with all of them again.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah.”

Isak’s body is warm against his hand is brushing his neck and shoulder. “Maybe we could meet up and do something someday? Invite them over or something?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Later. He can do it later.

Isak holds his gaze and raises an eyebrow. The dare in his eyes is evident. “Well? Do it then.”

Even sighs but smiles as he picks up his phone. Of course Isak won’t let him forget it like that. He texts a message to Elias, where he invites the boys to come over next weekend. The answer is quick:

_ Elias: Sure! We’ll be there. By the way, Sana says hi and she wonders if you have changed your mind about the pupil’s council? What is she rambling about? _

Even has to smile. He thinks for a moment. To be involved in the pupil’s council always seemed like too much work. And also, almost scary for someone like him, someone who doesn’t fit in and can be either ostracised or put in a box labeled ‘special treasure’ for safekeeping. Now, however, Even is a lot more okay with being an omega; it doesn’t define him anymore. Maybe now that he feels much more okay with who he is, he can actually manage to help make things better. Not just for him or other omegas, but for all. Who knows, maybe he could manage to spread some knowledge about sexuality and mental health, too. 

_ You know what _ , he texts.  _ Tell her that I’ll join the council thingy. Or at least try it out. She can tell you what it’s about.  _

He shuts his phone and puts it in his pocket. “Done. Finished.”

“Great,” Isak grins. “I wasn’t sure you would do it.”

They fall back onto the bed so they are lying there facing each other. For a moment, Even takes in the beautiful features of Isak’s face. Even can’t help it, he kisses Isak again. 

“So, this Noora girl used to live here?” he asks, and leans his head on his hand. “Is she one of Eskild’s stray cats, too?

“Maybe,” Isak smiles. “Although, to be fair, we all have been lost at times, and Eskild can sometimes forget to take care of himself, too, I guess… and we take care of each other. So maybe we’re more of a pack of city cats instead.” 

Even smiles at the image. “That sounds really nice,” he says.

“Yeah, Isak says, sighing. “I feel a little bad for taking Noora’s room, but as she says, we’ll figure it out.”

“Right now I think you can figure out everything,” Even says, still smiling. “With a pack of friends and a pack of stray cats and me, plus the way things are getting better with your mom, I think you are doing pretty well, right now.”

Isak smiles a slow smile. He moves closer. Even can feel the hot breath on his neck, then the tender brush of lips. Burning as they make contact with his jaw and neck. “Yeah. It’s really not bad.” Isak’s runs his hand through Even’s hair, as the kisses become harder and more urgent. Isak lets his other hand slide around Even’s waist, and pulls him close to his body.

Isak’s phone pings and Isak picks it up with a half annoyed look on his face. Even sure is annoyed. Isak’s kisses had been too good to stop there; his head is swimming already. However, Isak’s face smooths out as he reads the words in the text.

“Uhm. The other day, Mom sent me this text saying I'm the origin and you're the fulfilment,” he says. He looks contemplative. Moved. He stares at his phone and blinks.  “And now she’s sent me the verse again, like she’s trying to make a point.”

“Yeah?” Even asks, delighted and moved as well. The phrase sounds vaguely familiar, but he can’t place it. “Is it from the Bible?”

“Yeah. It is. ‘I am the Alpha and the Omega.  The First and The Last, The Origin and The Fulfillment.  To the thirsty I will give freely from the spring of the water of life.’ ”

Even can’t hold back a wide smile. “Wow, you really know the words and everything.”

Isak does a half shrug where he lies. “I do know some Bible quotes, if I like it or not. It’s a byproduct of my upbringing.”

Even thinks for a beat. “Right. But uh…  I thought it was ‘the beginning and the end’, though? In that alpha and omega quote?”

Isak smiles. “You’re right. But mom has a tendency to choose the translations that she likes the best.” He stares at the text on his phone, then he puts it in his pocket and looks at Even. “So, she says I’m the origin and you the fulfillment. And I get that; it’s very alpha/omega and traditionalist, and I’m sure it makes all this easier for her.  But I think it's the other way around, to be honest.”

“You do?”

Isak holds his gaze. “Yeah. I think  _ you're  _ the origin, the one who began my journey to being me, and making me… you know, fulfilled”.

Even smiles. “Me? Do I fulfill you, Isak?” he asks, half teasing. 

Isak rolls his eyes, but can’t hide his smile. “I’m just quoting the Bible, doofus!”

Even won’t let him go that easily. He smiles wider. “Say it again. Say that I fulfill you.”

Isak looks at him. Swallows. Then he puts his chin out, holds his gaze. “You fulfill me, Even,” he whispers. And Even can see the mirror of his own feelings in Isak’s eyes, can feel the hesitant love through the bond. 

The rush of joy that goes through Even can’t be contained. He kisses Isak hotly. “Well, that's true for me too, you know,” he admits. “– you're my origin. And you fulfill me, too.”  

Isak’s green eyes shine when he smiles. “Well, then. Talk about equality. I guess we both can be whatever we want. Right?”

“Exactly,” Even says. “You know, as long as we’re together, I feel like everything is possible. We can be the origin and the fulfillment and whatever is in between. We can be  _ everything _ .”

Even halfway expects Isak to call him pretentious and silly, but the vibe he gets from Isak is just a calm form of joy.

“That’s not little,” Isak says, with a smile that warms Even from the inside and out. 

“Hell no,” Even says. They kiss again, and they smile and hold each other close, and Even can’t keep his hands off Isak. He looks into Isak’s eyes, feeling the love like a warm blanket surrounding the two of them. He doesn’t regret his big words at all. He knows that he and Isak are just in the beginning of something and that nothing is settled in stone, but he also knows it’s the beginning of something really good. It’s the beginning of  _ everything _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was the last of the actual chapters. We do have an epilogue coming, which shouldn't be too far away. We hope you have all enjoyed this ride and we appreciate every comment, ask and kudos we have had. You have all been amazing and we love you all <3333
> 
> We have enjoyed this experience so much that we are discussing what we might be able to do together again in the future, so look out for that at some point!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One month later.   
> The Beginning of Everything.   
> The Fulfillment of the Origin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we really are truly at the end, with this little (or not so little, as it turned out) epilogue of ours done and posted. We want to thank everyone who has been reading, commenting, liking, giving kudos, reblogging, connecting etc. You really have made this a special experience for us both <3
> 
> Huge thanks go, of course, to our beta readers who have helped shape this and make it better through the journey.

##  **Isak: The Beginning of Everything**

“I like this,” Even sighs, dragging Isak against him and kissing him, a bone-melting, heart-stopping kiss that sweeps through Isak’s entire body and leaves him shaking and aching with need.

“Mmmm, like what?” Isak manages to get out as his lips skim over Even’s pulse point, scenting the musk that hovers there.

“This heat thing,” Even says on a satisfied sigh when Isak sucks right on the spot where his shoulder meets his neck.  “Kissing you, wanting to fuck you, wanting you to fuck me … all day.”

Isak manages to get out a breathless laugh.  “You do all that anyway.”

“Yeah,” Even says, laughing.  “But it’s nice to have an excuse to ditch class.”  His voice goes a little high pitched as he mimics his teacher.  “Sure, Even. You can leave class for your heat, that’s perfectly fine.”

Isak laughs too.  “That part is pretty cool,” he agrees.  “My teacher looked horrified and waved me out of the room as fast as he could.”

Even’s hands are firm on his waist now and Isak pushes against him, hard.  There’s a need there, a raging fire in his veins, but it’s not the desperate, terrifying fall into an abyss that he’d experienced last time.  This time, the fact that Even’s here and that his presence is calming, makes it all easier. It’s joy and anticipation, body flooded with endorphins, aching for release, and yet it’s fizzing and energetic.

Isak still is a little tense, he must admit to himself. He recalls too well from their last heat, his fear of hurting Even when he was in full heat. He’s pretty sure it will never come to hurting Even; they are bonded, after all.  It’s not enough to take away from the bubbling joy he feels as his body takes over, but it’s there as a hint of awareness sitting in the back of his mind. Just enough to add a frisson of nerves to the process, heightening the mood.

If Even senses his nerves, he doesn’t say anything.  He doesn’t really need to say anything; the steady delight and expectation he feels are coming through the bond.  So now Isak only wants to feel Even close. He’s about to act on it, about to kiss Even, run his hands over his body, feel the way they want each other build and build.

“Isak?  Even? I can see you now,” the doctor calls, interrupting the moment, and they separate, laughing.  There’s time for that, and more, when they get to where they’re going. But this feeling of giddy happiness … well, it’s such a contrast to how they were the last time they were in this room, so scared and unsure of where all this was heading.

Isak takes Even’s hand and they move through into the small office the doctor uses.  As they sit, Isak looks around, wondering at the difference in how he feels about being here.   Last time, he was defensive, awkward. Alone. Her questions felt intrusive and it was uncomfortable to think about what his body was doing and what its reaction to Even might mean.  Today he’s relaxed, the thrum of the heat is fire in his veins but it’s a fire he’s in control of and comfortable discussing. And Even’s here, his warmth and happiness humming in the bond, making it all much more pleasant.  They’re in this together.

“So, you have another heat?” the doctor asks, looking them both over.  “How long since your last one?” She looks down at her paper with her pen poised to take down the details.

Even chuckles.  “About a month,” he says, glancing over at Isak and she looks up again, frowning.

“That’s very fast.  It’s normally several months between the first heat and the next one before they settle into a pattern.”

“We know,” Isak says with a shrug.  “We think it might be our bond. We … uh … we resisted it for a while.”

“Mmmm,” she says.  “It’s best not to do that.  It can lead to … complications.”

Isak shares another heated look with Even, and grins.  If having an early heat is the worst of the complications they face then he’s not sure he’s complaining all that much.  Amusement pulses through the bond from Even as he picks up on Isak’s smug feelings.

“We’ll keep that in mind for next time,” he says.

The doctor frowns at them before looking at her notes.

“It says here you feel a connection even through a phone line?”

“Yeah,” Isak says, looking at Even fondly.  “But I’m not sure we’ll be doing that anymore.  It’s better in person.”

The doctor’s facade cracks a little and she smiles.  “I bet it is.”

Isak gapes at her while Even’s laugh booms out and he shakes his head.  “It’s not very usual, is it, though?” Even asks eventually. “That sort of connection?”

“Well, I’ve looked into it a little, and it does happen sometimes.  If the connection is particularly compatible it can be more intense.”

_ Particularly compatible, _ Isak thinks to himself.  He’s often felt that way in the weeks since they accepted the connection, but it’s nice to get ‘official’ confirmation of something he’s suspected.

The doctor clears her throat and looks down at her papers again.  “I see you shared a school room together last time. You need a place for your heat this time?” she asks, readying herself to tick the box, but Isak shakes his head.

“No,” he says.  “We’ve booked a heat motel.  No offence, but … we’d rather make some new memories away from here.”

She nods as she puts her pen down.  “It’s okay, boys. We know this is often a last resort for people who have been caught out.”  She stands and moves towards them, briskly competent now. “I’ll just take your temperatures and then you can go.”

Isak winces as he remembers how this went last time, how close they were to being out of control before they got here.  By contrast, he feels very calm today, not at all overcome yet. It’s a pleasant tingling buzz in his body and dick, a knowledge that he wants sex, a lot of sex and soon but it’s not the insistent, desperate need it was when they finally made it here last time.  He can feel the same coming from Even through the bond. The doctor confirms that all is fine and they have plenty of time to get to their chosen quarters for the heat.

“I’ll get the paperwork up to the admin offices and you’ll be cleared for a few days off school.  It won’t affect your ten percent,” the doctor says as she ushers them out the door and Isak sighs in relief.  The official crap is over, and now he can focus on Even and being with him for the next few days, alone and together and in heat.  He shivers as he feels Even’s need pulsing through the bond towards him as well.

Even hums as he drives them over to the motel and grins over at Isak every now and then.  His scent is intensifying, the woodsmoke and musk of his heat drifting to Isak in the small confines of the car.  He can feel his dick stiffening in response and grins. Anticipation thrums in his body and he wants … no,  _ needs, _ to get to the motel soon so he can get Even soft and pliant and so sexy under him.

He leans back in the seat and stretches, his muscles and joints popping in a satisfying way.  “I can’t wait to spend a few days away from the kollektiv,” he says, looking over at Even with a grin.  “It’s so fucking crowded there.”

“And here I thought you wanted to be alone for the fabulous sex we’re going to have.”

“No.”  Isaks shakes his head.  “It’s having a bathroom all to ourselves.  A quiet living space.” He’d started out facetious, but the idea of a quiet place and no flatmates barging into communal areas all the time actually makes him groan in anticipation.  Even laughs.

“I should be horribly insulted, but I know how hard it’s been on my adorable little introvert being cramped in such close quarters for so long.”

“I’m not adorable,” Isak growls.  “But I accept the main point. It’ll be better when Noora finally moves out next week but in the meantime, being away is bliss.”  His body reacts, his dick twitching and heat flooding his chest and he grins again. “And the soundproof walls are going to be a real bonus.”

“There’s the spirit,” Even says, chuckling.  “I was worried I’d lost you to the delights of a bath for a minute there.”

“Only if you’re in it with me.” 

The rest of the trip is filled with ever increasing innuendo from Even, and significant amounts of rolled eyes from Isak.  It’s perfect.

The young man at reception is friendly and outgoing, chatting to them as he gathers the necessary paperwork and grabs a key from the rack behind him.

“It’s so nice when we get bonded couples here,” he says cheerfully.  “It’s one of the reasons I love working here, seeing people so happy when they come in.”

“You have a bond too?” Even asks, always the small talker and Isak almost rolls his eyes at the predictability.  But it’s fond; he loves this about Even, that he can get along so easily and effortlessly with so many people.

“I do actually,” the man says, glowing.  

“It’s awesome, isn’t it?” Even says, pulling Isak into his body.  “But I’m afraid I’m bonded to the most beautiful person in the world.”

Isak blushes as the man chuckles.  “You guys are really cool,” he says, unlocking a door and ushering them inside.  “If you need anything, just buzz. But we pride ourselves on making sure all needs are catered to before they’re needed.”

Indeed he does sound proud, and Isak grins at him.  “It looks great, and we’ll be sure to let you know if we need anything,” he says pointedly.  Much as this guy seems nice and Even is delighting in having made a new friend, Isak really wants to get him alone.

The man seems to understand because he chuckles again and backs out, closing the door behind him.  Isak locks the door as the guy’s footsteps fade in the distance, and then turns back to Even, his desire flaming in his dick as he takes in the long lean lines of his beautiful body.

“It’s all very nice and everything,” Even says, looking around.  

It’s luxurious in a way the school’s heat rooms weren’t able to be.  The bed is wide and opulent, the bedding on it looks soft and inviting.  There’s a bath in one corner, wide enough to fit two people easily, and the shower over it is large and angled so the water will fall in sheets over the occupants.  The cabinet in this room is larger and the glass doors show an array of products designed to appease every hunger that might arise over the next few days. However Even’s face is unhappy as he stares at the cabinet.

“But?” Isak prompts, because it’s obvious there’s a but coming.

“But I don’t remember that packaged food to be all that appetising.”

Isak laughs, drags Even into another searing kiss that soon leaves them breathless and panting.  “Did you forget,” he says between kisses, “that my mamma is planning to come over with food every night?”

“Mmmm, I did,” Even says.  “Too busy looking at my gorgeous alpha boyfriend.”

“I even gave her times to come,” Isak says, kissing Even again.  “Just so she doesn’t have to see anything that might traumatize her.” He presses his groin urgently against Even’s, feels the fire building inside him.  “And we have a good few hours before she’s due. So …” he emphasizes the idea with a kiss and a hard roll of his hips, “I think we should take advantage of the time we have.”

“Yeah,” Even says breathlessly as they pull back for a moment.  He glances around and Isak’s eyes follow his. They take in the bags they’ve dumped just inside the door and the curtains that are wide open, allowing the world to see in if they happen to look up.

“Maybe we should sort this shit out a little,” Isak says, waving his hands at the bags and the clothes that are spilling out of them where they’ve fallen.  “I don’t want to have to worry about it later.”

Even gives a reluctant nod and they work quickly, closing the curtains tightly so no light seeps in, setting the room’s lighting to a soft, comfortable glow, putting the clothes away into the spaces for them in the cabinet and pulling the bedclothes down so they can relax on it without worrying about ruining the blankets and duvets.  

It distracts Isak enough that his heat becomes just a faint murmur in the back of his head, but as soon as they are settled into the room, Isak can feel his heat firing up quickly. Luckily, Even doesn’t seem to mind when Isak pulls him closer.  Warmth pools in the base of Isak’s spine and his thoughts grow fuzzy, needy but with a feeling of  _ mate _ ,  _ home  _ and  _ safe _ . Isak rubs his face into Even’s neck, licking the collar bone. Even smells so  _ good _ , skin warm and enticing, and Isak can't help biting down on the juncture of his shoulder and neck. Gently, or at least he tries. Even moans.

Isak is soon clutching Even’s lean and strong body against his, and his lips are pressing against his mouth. Isak feels slightly overwhelmed and excited at the same time. He needs more, so much  _ more _ .  Even as an alpha, his hole is empty and aching and his cock is fully hard and ready to burst; the way Even is moaning and staring at him suggests that he’s feeling similar things.  As an omega, his hole must be near combusting and Isak shudders with need at the thought. His hand comes up and tangles in Even's hair, holding his head while his tongue thrusts out into Even’s sweet mouth. Isak lets go of his mouth for a moment and kisses and licks at Even’s neck.  He fills his mouth with Even's taste and scent, already invitingly blended with Isak's own musk.  Even moans, sending heat straight to Isak’s dick and a surge of energy through the bond.  _ Oh God! This feels so good!  _ He feels like he is going to burst into flames.

“Even, fuck...” Isak's voice is a low growl. 

Another desperate wave of arousal hits him, seeming to vibrate from his spine down to the backs of his knees, to his aching erection. He shuts his eyes, mouth open as he leans into Even. Another moan comes from deep in Even’s throat. “Fuck yeah,” he pants in agreement. Then his mouth is back on Isak's again, devouring him. “It builds quicker, this time,” he mutters against Isak’s lips. 

“Yeah,” Isak moans, and opens his eyes to see Even’s flushed face.  Even's eyes are glazed over with lust, lips parted as his chest heaves with every heavy breath. Isak can’t help staring at him, smiling a shaky smile.  “I think that doctor was right; our bond kinda punishes us for having stayed apart for so long.” 

“Well, right now I don’t mind,” Even chuckles. He kisses Isak deeply. Isak's body is pressed firmly against Even’s and Isak feels Even’s boner pushing against his thigh. The friction’s mind-melting, but not enough to get off. Just to keep him right on the edge of coming in his pants, and the best part is he knows Even is right there with him. It’s a deliberate tease, to both of them, and it’s good because it puts the focus on the kissing, on the intimacy, on the fact that apparently they don’t have to race to the finish because they’re going to be doing this again.  And again. And again.

It’s that whole “relationship” thing, probably.

Even’s hands have found their way under his shirt and roam over Isak’s heated body. Isak can sense  Even’s need like a low hum under his skin ,  and it enhances every sensation. Everything feels stronger, and more intense,  and  Isak's never been so turned on in his life. Well, maybe in their last heat. But that wasn’t anything like  _ this _ . They weren’t  _ together _ back then. They weren’t  _ bonded _ .

It feels different. There is that same ache he remembers, but it seems less painful, more yearning. Being fully bonded with Even seems to settle the urgent feeling inside him, to soothe him, at the same time as it makes him want to curl up next to Even and drown himself in his scent. 

The bond lets him feel  Even’s emotions burning and coiling . And  _ fuck _ , it’s a lot. Isak lets out a desperate whimper, begins to grind against Even, and shivers as he feels Even’s want for  _ more, more, more _ . 

Isak‘s mind is in a lustful daze. He clenches his fists in Even’s shirt as he rides out the almost euphoric feeling of lust. He’s getting hotter, can smell Even’s slick increasing and it makes him shudder with need. His cock is painfully hard in his pants, and he's panting like he's just run a mile at full speed. This is a lot better than he remembers. Isak sucks on Even’s lip and presses his hips harder against Even’s.  _ Oh God!  _ His balls draw up and he almost orgasms right then.

“Isak…” Even whispers. He stares at Isak with dark eyes. The longing in his voice is shocking in its intensity. Heat flows up and down Isak’s body at his tone and at the need flooding him through the bond. “Oh God! I want you so bad. I need... I need…”

“I know, baby.” Isak shivers as he leans back. Even’s need is his own right now. He wants Even so much, but there’s also something telling him to take it slower. To take his time. "I can feel it. Just. Wait. Why don’t you sit down for a bit." Isak feels the need to help Even. He moves Even to the bed. He kneels before him. "Let me help." He takes Even's shoes off for him. Even watches him, looking dazed.

Isak looks up at him. "We don’t have to hurry, you know." His voice is raw, but still gentle. He’s impressed that he manages to stay somewhat composed. "We have all the time in the world. Or uh, until someone knocks the door." 

Even mumbles something that might as well be assent. Isak’s desperate to go on, but also to make this last and linger, and he can see it reflected in Even’s eyes and in his body. 

"This heat doesn’t last forever, though" Even mumbles. 

Isak grins, and he can’t help but tease Even a little. "True. Might as well enjoy it while it does."

Even nods, shakily, and takes off his shirt. “Okay. You don’t have to hurry," he whispers. “But please… Just fuck me.”

A shudder goes through Isak. "You're really not helping me taking it slow, talking like that." He bends his face to Even's neck, inhaling him again. "Smelling like that. Shit, you smell so good, I can’t..."

"Ugh… please get your clothes... off," Even sighs as he pushes his own off and away from him.

Isak grins at that as he starts to tear off his clothes. He looks at Even as he does so and  _ fuck _ , he’s gorgeous. Those blue eyes, the pale skin, the width of his shoulders. His hard cock makes Isak's mouth water.

Even leans back on the bed and spreads his legs.  Isak’s body shivers at the sight. "Come on, baby, I need you..." Even’s begging, and it does something to Isak’s composure. But he decides to tease a little more.

“Oh, I don’t know, baby.  I think we should take a look in this nice cabinet they’ve put here for us.”  He looks over at Even, sees the way he’s squirming, his body begging for Isak’s, and relents a little.  “I think … maybe some toys could be interesting.”

Even nods, his eyes glazed and his need so clear in the bond that Isak has to force himself away from the sight and the feel of him.  He opens the cabinet and skims quickly over what they have. The dildos make his mouth water, so big and full looking, and there are vibrators and things to fuck into.  Isak tries to consider what they might want or need. But then Even whimpers behind him and Isak just grabs a selection and turns back to him.

Even’s flushed.  He’s propped himself up on his elbows and is staring at Isak with an intensity that burns through him.  He’s so beautiful like this, long limbs displayed so openly, the desperation in his eyes and his hair matted to his forehead already, that Isak can’t resist. 

Isak is on him in a minute, nuzzling under his ear, throwing the toys haphazardly onto the bed, not caring where they land. Even turns his head to give him access and arches up to rub against him, full body contact, and Isak can feel his relief through the bond. He throws his arms and his legs around Isak.  Isak pushes his face against Even's hot skin, inhaling his sweat and the dizzying scent of his arousal. He can scent Even’s hints of wetness. And Isak can’t help imagining how sweet, tight and wet Even must be, as they are pressing against each other. Isak  _ wants _ , needs to touch Even and taste him and  _ have _ him, and he knows Even wants to give him everything.

Isak’s own eagerness shouldn’t really surprise him, but it does. He realizes that he’s not at all afraid to let go anymore, or to let Even take the lead if he wants to. They’re safe together now.  They know who they are, and everything is alright. He still feels the slight hint of nerves, the fear that he might lose control and hurt Even. But Even’s presence through the bond is calming; at least this time Isak will be able to  _ feel _ if Even finds it too much.  He lets the fear go, lets himself enjoy the anticipation and the sense of rightness and safety.  He’ll worry about being in full heat if it comes.

"What do you wanna do?" Isak asks, and he feels drunk -- drunk on the sight of Even, drunk on the feel of him, drunk on the connection of the bond heightening every sensation.

"Uhm, fuck me?" Even groans, and his voice is so low, so close to losing it that Isak almost loses his own control.

Isak thrusts against him, his cock hard against Even's stomach. Isak's thigh drives against Even's cock. "We can get to that," he says. "I'm just…  talking about other things, too." 

He takes his time, kisses Even’s neck and chest. Even gasps when Isak suckles his nipple; it must be nearly as sensitive as his cock now if his reaction is anything to go by. Isak flicks his tongue over the nub again and again, making Even moan and his hands lodge in Isak’s hair. 

Isak lifts his head up. He smiles, moves so his nose is nearly touching Even’s. “Good, yeah?”

Even clutches Isak and pushes up towards him. “Yeah, good.”

Even’s breath is warm and moist on Isak’s lips and Isak has to kiss him. Even leans up to meet him, moving his lips soft against Isak’s, trembling to hold himself up. Isak splays one arm along Even’s back, helping him up, moving his weight to lean on his other hand. His tongue glides across Even’s lips and Even moans, opens his mouth, darts his own tongue out to invite Isak inside. Isak pushes Even down into the bed and his tongue deep into Even’s mouth. 

Even pushes his hips forward into Isak's, starting up a rhythm. Their cocks rub together deliciously as Isak meets his thrusts. And  _ fuck _ .  It’s so good. Isak feels everything building and building. Even groans out his name, sending a wave of pleasure over the bond. A broken sound falls out of Isak’s mouth, back arching against Even as he feels his orgasm  surge up his spine and down his limbs  just right _ oh fuck oh FUCK!  _

When Isak rises, laughing weakly, his belly is splattered with his own come.  _ Oh _ , and Even’s come, too.  _ What a mess.  _ They are hugging and panting and they chuckle and smile, both still out of breath. Isak nuzzles the side of Even’s neck, then kisses up his jawline. His lips find Even's and they kiss again. 

Even smiles and Isak blinks. Seeing Even like this is ethereal. At this moment Even is the most beautiful, powerful creature in the world. “I’d call this a good start.” Even mumbles. At the same time, Isak can feel his need for _ more _ .

Dazed and happy, Isak can only nod. The fog has cleared a bit from his brain, but he still feels the need for  _ more _ . He whimpers, pulling Even closer, wanting to touch Even and smell him and suck him off and fuck Into him and fill him up.

The heat is really building again quickly this time, and Isak can feel himself getting lost into it.   _ Fuck; _ he’s edging so close to a full heat now and he’s not sure he can retain enough sense to keep Even’s needs in mind even with the bond. 

 

##  **Even: The Fulfillment of the Origin**

“I wanna try something,” Isak says, a couple of seconds later. 

Even doesn’t mind. Everything feels so sharp, and real, afterwards. And still, Even knows he’s not thinking clearly. Isak’s hands are stroking his warm skin and Even pushes closer to him.  _ More, Isak, now _ , he thinks, and sucks at the juncture of Isak’s neck and shoulder. It settles him somewhat, the taste of Isak in his mouth. But he still wants  _ more _ .

Isak grabs Even’s hips, propping him up with an effortless strength that has Even’s dick throbbing. Isak then bends down and kisses his thigh, takes Even’s balls in his mouth for a moment. Even sighs when he stops, but then, with slow, deliberate movements, Isak licks across Even’s rim, and Even almost combusts.

“Your mouth.” Even pants, shivering.  Isak’s mouth seems to drain Even’s remaining ability to move with any kind of control or deliberation. 

“Yeah.” Isak smiles, but then his mouth is on Even again, mumbling about how good it tastes. The sensations make Even shiver.  Isak’s breath is hot and moist on Even at his most sensitive point. And  Isak’s tongue isn’t as long and agile as his fingers, doesn’t fill Even as well, but it’s  _ wet _ and it’s strong and Even feels so fucking open when Isak does this. His thighs move up in tiny restrained jumps, his every muscle tense and quivering because it’s too good, Even can’t process, he can’t make sense of anything anymore.  Isak easily holds him in place as Even moans and twitches. His legs fall on Isak’s shoulders, levering him up to that mouth. 

“Good?” Isak murmurs, and the air pushing at Even’s sensitive skin is amazing. Even closes his eyes and begs. He can’t even tell what he’s begging for, just a soft, hoarse string of “Yes please, please, please.”

And then: “Fuck, need to stop or I’ll come!”

Finally Isak decides he’s had enough and moves up to fuck him properly. Or at least that’s what Even thinks as Isak braces himself, two hands planted firmly on either side of Even.

Even is so ready, so open and wet for Isak.  But as Even expects Isak to finally spread his legs and fuck into him, Isak stops. 

Even opens his eyes. Isak’s eyes are dark with lust but he still doesn’t move. Something’s off. Isak is holding back but it’s not about letting Even take control this time, it’s more like Isak is  _ afraid _ . Or maybe not afraid, but worried.

“What is it, baby?” Even asks, stroking through Isak’s hair, struggling to form somewhat coherent sentences. “You like me here. Like this.” Even’s words husk across his lips. He rocks his hips forward indicatively, keeping his hand between them, giving Isak the slow drag of his fingers over his dick. “I know you do.”

Isak blinks, looking dazed. “Yeah…” A shiver goes through him as his dick jumps. Isak’s body is heavy over Even and Even knows Isak wants him. Wants to bend him over and take him, fuck into him and tie him on his knot just like that. Still, Isak doesn’t move.

“So stop holding back, Isak.” Even challenges, gripping Isak’s hair, pulling him closer. Letting his hands stroke over Isak’s back.“I mean. Only if you want to, of course.”

Even doesn’t say anything about his own needs or wants right now. He doesn’t say anything about the ache for being filled. He needs Isak so much it hurts, but he doesn’t have to add that to Isak’s stress. It’s pretty obvious, anyway. He can smell his own slick and how ready he is. He manages to hold back his pleas to get fucked, but can’t keep his hands away from Isak’s chest, arms, thighs. 

Isak’s scent gets deeper, stronger, and he gives a strangled sound. 

And it feels kinda good, wrenching a moan from Isak, knowing the effect he’s having.  “C’mon, Isak.”

“I want to. It’s just… my alpha instincts are taking over,” Isak mutters, breathing heavily. He looks dazed, desperate. Even more desperate than in the last heat they spent  together. His hands are clutching the sheets. “I’m… fuck... in full heat now, and. I don’t think I can hold back.”

“You don’t have to hold back, Isak.”

Isak swallows; hesitates. “I don’t wanna be like…”

_ Like other alphas. Like your ex.  _ The unspoken words linger between them. Even feels a surge of warm affection go through him. Fuck, Isak really shouldn’t have to think about that at all. Isak is aroused but tense, afraid, and Even doesn’t like that. He doesn’t like it at all. 

“You’ll never be like that,” Even says, looking into Isak’s beautiful green eyes. “If you want to, we can take it slow, but. I don’t worry. You can’t hurt me. I want you like this, Isak. . . Just let it go.”  He smiles at Isak, slow and reassuring, which is fucking hard when he’s panting and desperate. “Feel me in the bond; you know it’s going to be okay.”

Isak blinks. Some of the tension in him loosens up. Isak cups his free hand to Even’s face, hitching Even’s leg around his waist as best he’s able to do so, his entire body involved in pinning Even to the bed, it seems like his instinct is finally taking over. “Okay. Just. Look at me, Even,” he says. “I gotta know that you’re here. You’re with me.” 

Even holds his gaze, feeling dazed by the sensation of Isak over him. “Isak...” He’s so ready and wet and open and he can’t speak anymore.

“Yes,” Isak mutters. And finally he’s letting go. “Oh, baby,” he says, finally finally pushing into Even, burying himself into Even,  and filling him up,  and Even comes again at the first thrust, shaking all over.  _ Fuck. _  This heat is so intense.   _ So full, so good. _

They stay like that for a moment, Isak’s kiss gentling in time until he’s peppering Even’s face with them, his neck, his jaw, murmuring comfort and reminders that Even is there, with him, and safe, Even rumbling assurance that he knows, that Isak can give into it, that it’s okay. Even feels the heat start to build again and he pulls at Isak. “Come on.” His voice is raspy but at least he’s not slurring. “You can’t stop now, baby.”

“I won’t,” Isak says, and Even can feel how he lets go when he starts to pound into him.  He fucks Even hard, until Even moves right up against him, rutting for  _ more _ . Even is sort of overwhelmed with how it feels to have Isak not hold back, for once, just taking him.  Isak looks lost in his heat.  He is  gasping into Even’s ear that he’s perfect, so good.  Even just wraps himself around him and basks in it. 

Maybe it’s just Even’s imagination, but Isak seems to last longer this time. Long enough for Even to get half-hard again.

“Come on, sweetheart,” Isak pants in Even’s ear. “I won’t come until you’re there for me.” Even snorts. Come  _ again _ ? But Isak is determined. “I’m serious here, Evennn. I will fuck you all night if that’s what it takes.”

Even’s dick certainly likes the idea, rising full mast. Isak grins and bites Even’s jaw lightly. “See? All night, I mean it. Whatever it takes.” 

Even can’t hold a laugh back. “You’re so full of yourself, baby. But that’s fine. Bring it on.” His laughter stops when Isak adjusts just right and keeps pounding into him. It feels so good. 

Isak growls as Even gasps and clamps down against him, helpless. Isak swells inside him in reply, so Even’s got something hard and unyielding to clench against as he comes. The spasms inside him seem to last forever.

Too far gone to hold a proper kiss, he mouths against Isak’s lips as Isak pumps Even full of his come, falling down on him and driving most of the remaining air out of his lungs.

Even feels so full, and… complete. After a moment, Isak groans. “I guess... “ he slurs, “we should find a more comfy position.”

“Yeah.”

Even though they’re locked into each other, they somehow manage to move around and end up with Isak lying on his back and Even straddling his hips. Isak’s hands settle on Even’s thighs.

Even leans forward a little, looking down at Isak. “Hi,” he whispers, still groggy from the knotting.

“Hi.” Isak’s eyes are dazed. He traces a line down Even’s ribs and Even shudders. “Good?” Isak asks.

“Good,” Even says. He feels spent and sort of buzzing at the same time. He can feel the ache of the knot, filling him up, still getting larger.   “And you didn’t hurt me at all”

“Good”.

“Yeah. So stop holding back, okay?”

Isak smiles. “Okay. ”

Even hums.Isak’s knot is filling him up so good. He moans softly at how good it feels, and how  _ right _ .

Isak’s fleeting touches become more firm. Even sucks in his stomach. Isak pauses. “Ticklish?”

Even shakes his head. Right now it seems like all of his body is catching fire when Isak touches it. “You’ll get me going again,” he says, low.

“And how is that bad?” Isak’s hands skate up, plucking Even’s nipples. Then he puts a hand on Even’s face, strokes his cheek with his thumb. 

“I guess it isn’t. I’m just telling you.” Even smiles, leans down and kisses Isak, sweetly. As he moves, he can feel the pressure of the knot. Isak groans and his legs tremble. Then he gasps for air as another shoot of come pulses into Even. The feeling is so intense but Even wants more.  What if he could knot too?

“Baby,” he says urgently as the idea hits him and his dick pulses at the thought.  “Did you happen to get one of the toys to fuck into?”

“I don’t know?” Isak says, laughing through his pants.  Even sits back a little, looks down at the scattered toys and spots what he wants.  He leans enough to grab it, and Isak groans and his dick spurts a little more come into Even’s hole.  That gives him another idea as he thrusts the toy onto himself and feels the immediate relief.

Even shudders, leaning back his upper body as he presses his fingers around the base of his dick. He’s getting hard again as he pushes the toy down onto himself a few times, and his knot is starting to form. He meets Isak’s gaze, feeling giddy with euphoria. He feels so full and complete, and he  _ still _ kinda wants more. “Do you mind if I move, baby?”

“Uh… no?” Isak looks dazed. “ _ Can _ you move?”

Even doesn’t answer, he just moves his hips carefully.  With the knot tying them, Even can't pull off, can't pull back much, but he inches his hips forwards, clenching around Isak. 

Isak breathes out shakily, moving his own hips against him. “Fuck…” he mumbles. 

Even hums in agreement. They are stuck together, but the small movements still make everything feel electric inside. He gasps as he grinds down against Isak’s dick, his cock sensitive in the toy and his arse on fire with the almost-pain of the knot moving inside him.

“Oh my god.” Isak shuts his eyes. “Are you really…” Isak trails off, breathing heavily as Even continues to move over him gently. He lets his hips roll and shift until he’s fucking Isak again. It’s a tight grind using what little leverage he has when knotted. The feeling is overwhelming. 

Even’s knot is big now, and the toy clutches it as he moves over Isak. “I just… wonder if this will make my knotting…” Even breaks off on a groan. “...Make the knotting last longer, oh fuck.” 

Slowly, slowly he rocks over Isak, eyes almost slipping shut of their own accord, but not quite. He wants to see Isak.  The pleasure of his of his own knot under the pressure of the toy combined with the feeling of Isak inside is breathtaking.  He can move now, just a little, and feel Isak fill him slow and delicious. If he rolls his hips just so, he can get a lovely, slick, seemingly-unending motion and  Isak keeps hitting his prostate in a way that feels like the best thing ever, and it’s making him clench and twitch around Isak.

Isak shivers under him and gasps as Even clenches around him. “Oh, god. Feels so good.” He breathes hard. “But uh… my knot won’t go down then. Might last for hours. We should… stop. Oh, fuck.”

Even smiles a shivering smile. He pushes down as he feels Isak moving incrementally inside him. “Doesn’t sound like you really want me to stop,” he mutters. He rolls his hips again, clenching around the knot. 

“I don’t”, Isak moans and thrusts up in small movements. “Oh, fuck, please don’t stop.”

Even doesn’t. Again and again Even clenches around Isak and makes him thrust in deeper, rutting into him without pulling out. He moans uncontrollably as he loses track of how they move like this. It’s too much and not enough at the same time as they continue that slow, even pace. 

Isak slides a hand down Even's abdomen, gripping the toy. He helps to hold it against Even’s knot, milking it. 

Even lets his mouth fall open, then cries out, clenching tight as Isak groans under him. Even feels his orgasm racing out of him. He spurts into the toy. 

“Oh my god.” Even groans, breathing heavily as Isak continues to rut up into him. He keeps moving his hips over Isak. 

Isak groans and loses it, adding another load to the slippery mess in Even’s ass. They don’t stop there. Even keeps fucking himself on Isak’s knot until he comes and then comes again. 

He’s hardly conscious of what he’s doing anymore. He only knows that Isak is glorious under him, all hot and sweaty skin that smells and tastes amazing. Even can’t believe how lucky he is, being able to share these extended orgasms with Isak. 

They have to stop occasionally, when Isak is flooding into Even again and sets Even off in return, setting each other off back and forth until finally Isak’s knot has shrunk enough to pull out. 

Even grimaces a little, missing the feeling of Isak inside already. Still, so very satisfied, Even  slumps over Isak’s sweaty body and rests his forehead against Isak’s. For a minute they are both silent.  Even closes his eyes and tries to get his heartbeat and breathing to settle. It takes a while. When he opens his eyes Isak turns his face upwards, probably because Even usually takes that as a signal to kiss him and, well, he does now, as well. Isak’s lips are almost cool against his warm lips. They look into each other’s eyes and share a small smile.

When they’ve caught their breath again, Even helps Isak sit up so their upper bodies are pressed together. Isak buries his nose in Even’s neck, licking at the skin.

“Fucking amazing,” Isak mumbles.  His finger traces a line down Even’s face, its gentleness almost at odds with the pleasant aches in Even’s muscles.

“Yeah,” Even sighs.

“Time for a bath?” 

“Definitely.”

When they get out of bed Even walks on shaky legs, barely carrying his own weight. They fill the tub with hot water and when they finally can get in, Even leans against Isak and sighs with relief.  They stay for a long time in the bathtub, allowing the warm water to clean them up and loosen up their muscles. Then they dry up and cuddle up in the bed together under the duvet. 

Even smiles when Isak curls up around him.  He feels more settled than he has done in a long time. Relaxed.

“This is nice,” Even mumbles.

“Mmm,” Isak says appreciatively, giving him a nosekiss. He inhales, deep and pointedly.  “Do you think our bond really is special?” he asks. 

Even nods as Isak kisses his shoulder. “Yeah, I think it’s special. I’ve heard of bonding behavior and instincts, but sometimes I can feel so much of what you feel, and I don’t think everyone feels like that.”

Isak pauses and looks up, holding him with his gaze. “That’s true.”

Even folds his arms tightly around Isak and presses his face to the side of Isak's neck, against Isak's pulse hammering there. Then he raises his head to look Isak in the eye as he says, "I want you to let go and feel the bond with me right now."

He sees Isak shut those big, green eyes for a moment, as if he has to regain his composure. “Is that even a thing?” he asks.

Even bites his lip. “I don’t know, but I think it could be cool if you and I focus on the bond at the same time.  See how far we can push it. So. Maybe we could try?” 

When Isak opens his eyes again, he is already reaching for Even's face with his hand. He lets his fingers card through Even’s hair.  

Even gazes into Isak's warm eyes. He reaches up to touch Isak's face too, stroking Isak's cheek with the pads of his fingers.

And Isak is there. The bond is there. Even senses an enormous blanket of warmth wrap around him, and he realizes that this is Isak literally bundling him up in his love.  He can feel all the things he usually does, Isak’s amusement, his affection, his want and need still pulsing even though they just came so many times. But there’s also more; that blanket surrounding them, letting Even feel the smaller nuances of those emotions.  He can’t quite sense what Isak thinks, but he can separate the affectionate amusement at Even’s eagerness from the more measured sense of Isak feeling general pleasure and delight in the situation. He can tell the difference between Isak’s happiness that they’re here together and his feelings of connection and attachment to Even.

It's unbelievable. It's amazing for an omega who thought he would never have anything like this. He tugs close the warm blanket of Isak's love and affection.

“So this is our bond,” Even murmurs, breathless. He tries a hand at projecting his own emotions. He feels it radiating from him as a rolling wave of warmth similar to the one swaddling him. 

Isak gasps and moves closer.

Even can't get enough of the warm blanket of Isak's love around him, no matter how deeply he burrows himself in it. 

“So, Isak, how good do you think our chances are of having the most awesome, cuddlesome bond in the entire world?”

Isak raises his eyebrows.  “That’s fucking sappy.” But the bond is open and he can’t hide that he likes it. 

“Well, I feel sappy,” Even grins.

“Yeah. And I do think our bond is the most awesome in the entire world.”

Even knows he can’t hide his emotions now, Isak knows just how touched he is. He finds himself unable to even respond with words. Instead he projects more rolling waves of warmth, of love.

He knows that whatever happens from now on, he and Isak will have this. They will always have this. He opens his eyes.

Isak looks at him with half lidded eyes. “Do you remember when I told you about alternate universes?” he mutters. 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m just glad I’m in this, right now,” Isak mumbles. 

“Me too,” Even smiles. Yeah, he can probably think up a million alternate realities. But he doesn't need any of them. He never did. This reality is the only one he wants, the only one he needs. “This is the real deal, isn’t it, Isak?” 

“Yeah,” Isak whispers back, caressing the hair by Even’s temple.   

Only moments later, when Isak is mouthing at the mound of his Adam’s apple, caressing the back of his head, when he’s sliding in and out of Even with a dreamy, pleasant pace, Isak murmurs. “It’s the fucking real deal, Even, and it’s everything I want.”

Isak’s eyes are dark forests of green.  _ You hear me?  _ his eyes ask.  

_ Yes, _ Even thinks, lying back, holding Isak’s gaze, knowing that Isak can feel what he feels;  how everything builds and falls and builds again,  _ it’s everything I want, too. _

And Even stares into Isak’s eyes, feeling Isak moving inside, and moving inside of Isak, feeling how they are here and now and real, being the beginning of everything and everything in the beginning, and it’s almost like they’re holding the infinity in their hands.

**Author's Note:**

> Let us know what you think! We're always happy to hear questions and comments. You can ask either here, or on our tumblrs [evakuality](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/evakuality) and [hjertetssunnegalskap1](https://hjertetssunnegalskap1.tumblr.com/). <3 <3 <3
> 
> Btw here's an [answer to an ask about our abo world](https://hjertetssunnegalskap1.tumblr.com/post/179920974170/aaah-your-abo-fic-has-so-much-sexual-tension-its) on Tumblr.


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